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“Bullshit.” Michael growled, sitting back down in his recliner. “You
owe it all to yourself. I just gave you a kick in the ass that got it
started. No excuse for letting yourself go to hell like that. None at all.”
He paused for a moment. “Do you still want to do this?”

She looked Harold up and down appraisingly. “Sure. Might be
instructive all around.”

Harold suddenly felt very alone and outnumbered. And a little worried.
“Um, somebody want to let me in on this?”

“Well,” she said, walking over to Harold, “Mikey and I had a little
talk last night, and I had this idea to, you know, prove just how far along
you had come in conquering your little problem.” She placed a hand on
Harold’s shoulder and traced it, feather light, down his shirtfront to his
belt buckle, which she hooked a finger into and tugged gently.

Harold swallowed hard, wondering just how far he had gotten over his
head here. He looked over at Michael. Michael, who had winced visibly at
“Mikey,” simply looked back and said nothing. No help there.

So he turned back to Diane. “Um, you mean here? Right now?”

“Sure.” she said, tugging on his buckle again. “Why not?”

Then she was rubbing up against him, her arms around his neck. Their
mouths met in a long, breathtaking kiss. Harold’s cock was as stiff as a
railroad spike, and it didn’t help that Diane was grinding her hips against
his. She broke the kiss and ran her tongue slowly along Harold’s jawline.
Planting little kisses along his neck, she slowly slid down his front,
maintaining maximum contact with her hands a body all the way. When she was
on her knees, her face level with his crotch, she began to work at his belt
buckle.

Oh, jeez, Harold thought, as he looked around frantically. Michael was
still watching, only his expression was intent. Harold got the distinct
feeling he was being *studied*.

Diane got Harold’s belt unbuckled, undid the snap, and pulled the
zipper down. A white bulge immediately poked through, as his erection
strained to be free of his shorts. His pants fell to his ankles with a
jingle of change as Diane placed a hand on his covered bulge, massaging it
gently while she looked up into his eyes. Harold already felt waves of
massive pleasure surge up from his groin. She put her mouth over the tip of
the bulge and exhaled gently. Harold clearly felt the heat of her breath on
his cock, and moaned imperceptibly.

Then she grabbed the waistband of his briefs and began to slowly pull
them down, uncovering his erection inch by agonizing inch. The pounding in
his cock was matched by the pounding in his head as he felt the elastic
drag down along the length of his penis.

Then he was free, his cock standing stiffly erect for all the world to
see. He glanced over at Michael, but Michael didn’t seem to be as
interested in the action as he was in Harold’s face. Then Harold forgot all
about him as Diane extended her tongue and ran it up along his cock.

Then, without warning, she plunged it into her mouth. All the way in.
While Harold wasn’t exceptionally large, he had still never met a woman who
could deep throat him before. The feeling was nothing short of amazing, as
the warm, slick wetness of her mouth enveloped his entire cock. The feeling
was intensely erotic, and Harold closed his eyes with a moan and rolled his
hips as he prepared to explode into her mouth.

A sudden, hard slap rocked his face. Shocked, he opened his eyes to
stare at Michael, who had bounded off his chair and stood just behind
Diane. “Harold,” he said quietly, “if you ejaculate in her mouth, she will
bite your penis off.”

At that moment, he felt a brief, sharp pain at the base of his cock as
she dug her teeth in very slightly, just as a hint, before resuming her
sucking with double the intensity.

Cold horror gripped Harold’s heart. He had been a fraction of a second
away from coming before Michael slapped him, but the slap had brought him
well back from the edge. Still, Diane’s oral talents were nothing short of
extraordinary and it would not be very long before he was back again. She
slid his cock in and out of her mouth while lightly caressing his balls
with one hand. The other hand slid between his legs and began to tease his
asshole with a finger. Already the pressure was beginning to build as
Harold frantically thought of a way to stop it.

In the midst of panic came a voice of calm. Your training, you idiot!
it said. That’s it! Harold replied. He began to repeat the mantras Michael
had taught him over and over in his mind. Slowly, the real world began to
fade into the distance as he entered a trance. The sensations beneath his
belly eased to the point where he could contemplate them or dismiss them
altogether. His heart slowed and his pupils dialated as his mind entered an
alpha state. Within an amazingly short time he became pure ego, floating in
a sea of peace and serenity.

After what seemed a brief yet endless time his hindbrain became aware
that something changed and he resurfaced to conciousness, gazing at
Michael’s gently smiling face. Harold looked down and saw that Diane had
stopped, and was sitting at his feet, massaging her jaw.

“Jeez.” she said, “Thirty fucking minutes. Nobody’s ever outlasted me
before.” She looked up at him ruefully. “Mister, you are nothing short of
amazing.”

Laughing, Michael clapped Harold hard on the back, almost making him
trip over his pants. He quickly pulled them up and refastened them. “Well,
my boy,” Michael said, “I guess I’d pronounce you cured, at least by your
own standards.”

Harold stood there, amazed. “I.. guess I really did it. I never
thought I would.”

“I had no doubt.” Michael said. “You have found one solution to your
problem. Not the best one, in my opinion, but a solution all the same. With
practice you shall find others, I’m sure.”

Harold helped Diane to her feet. He looked her in the eye and asked,
“Would you really have…?”

She just smiled and said nothing.

Harold gulped and looked over at Michael. “Would she have?”

Michael just shrugged. “Beats me. And I suppose I should know if
anybody would. After all, she’s my wife.”

Harold’s jaw dropped open. It stayed that way for a moment, until
Diane reached up and gently closed it. “You look cute when you’re shocked.”
she admitted. Then she gently tugged him towards the door.

“What are you doing?” he asked, still flabberghasted.

“I think we can find a more suitable place to finish what we
started…”

“But… but…” he looked over at Michael helplessly.

Michael just shrugged again, palms up. “She does as she wishes. And I
wouldn’t have it any other way. You have passed an important hurdle today,
and a difficult one. You deserve a reward. Enjoy yourself. Both of you.”

Harold was silenced, at least long enough for Diane to drag him out of
there and to his well-earned reward.

And what a reward it was!

In order to prevent an armed revolt by the citizenry, the mayor did
the only thing he could. He promised to drop all charges against the
…End of the part5. To be continued..

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reaction to sex.”

“Fuck you, you bastard. I love the motherfucker and you

can’t say otherwise.”

“Jeanine, give me the joint. No, go, go ahead, finish it.

You can’t possibly love him ’cause you don’t know the first thing about

him.”

“Like hell I don’t. I know how he treats me. I can tell how

strongly he feels about me from the way he touches me. Do you realize

how he makes me feel?”

“That’s what good sex is like. Don’t confuse your physiology

with your emotions.”

“They’re inseparable, dummy. Our emotions are rooted in our

physiology.”

“Our emotions are rooted in our spirits, which have nothing

to do with our bodies.”

“If you don’t tell me who the fuck he is, I’m going to tell

the dean you had him rape me, and then you’ll be screwed. You think

you’re going to be able to withhold his name from the cops when they’re

interrogating you?”

* * *

“Look, why don’t you want me to tell her it was you? She

loves you, for chrissake.”

Paul Banks sighed, shaking his head, then jerked off the metal

crank that triggered the sprinkler system. We were the a gigantic

greenhouse the agriculture students grew experimental crops in during

the winter. Abruptly the slender jets of water arching over the

beds of loam were reduced to weak trickles.

“She can’t possibly love me; she doesn’t know the first

thing about me.”

“Well, I know, but she insists that she does. Who are we

to argue? It’s her feelings.”

He began walking to a wall where rakes and other tools were

hung. I followed him.

“Look, she says it’s the way you touch her, the way you make

her feel.”

“It’s called orgasm, not love.”

“Well, I know, but…I’m in a total mess here, Paul.”

“Yeah, well, it was a weird idea.”

He grabbed some sort of peculiar tool, a wooden bar ending

with forking plastic tubes.

“You had fun with it, didn’t you? Come on, fess up. You

took advantage of the situation for your own delight, now you have

to pay the price. It’s like everything in life, right?”

“Goddamit, Bobby, listen to me: I can’t have her find out,

all right?”

His tone was venomous, but his face seemed cramped, his eyes

narrow.

“Bob, I’m married. I have a two-year old daughter, okay?

If my wife and my family find out about this, my marriage will end.

You understand?”

I groaned. Paul watched another student at the other end

of the greenhouse dump a bag of white pellets into a bed of soil. I

struggled to think of something to say, some way to resolve the

situation. Paul turned back to me.

“And if you tell her it’s me, I’ll just deny it. It’s your

word against mine, Bobby.”

* * *

“You goddam coward. How could you do this to me? You…you

not only deceived me, you not only humiliated me, you goddam fucking

well raped me. That’s right, you fucking worthless scumbag: You

raped me. I consented to sex with some guy of your choice, but I did

not consent to sex with you. And I know goddam well it was really

you. That’s why you won’t tell me who it was, you fucking bastard.

I can’t believe that a friend would do this to me; it fucking shocks

me. You’re not a friend of mine, you have never been a friend of mine.

You’ve taken advantage of me, exploited my problems with men simply

to…to goddam rape me. Nine times! I can’t fucking believe it! You

raped me nine goddam times, you…you…”

“Jeanine, no. Hold on. You’re absolutely wrong.”

“I am not goddam wrong. I could fucking smell you, you goddam

…End of the part5. To be continued..

open slightly and I knew that she wanted me as much as I did her. But

the sound of the approaching car was becoming more distinct and, try

as I might, I found it impossible to concentrate on what I was doing.

“Shit, I think you’re right,” I said, a little angry at the

interruption. “Who the hell could this be?”

There were three of them in the car as it pulled up in front of our

house. I didn’t recognise the men at all and guessed that they were

from our neighbouring town eight miles away. As two of them alighted

from the vehicle, the third stayed behind the wheel. All three men

looked drunk and my previous feeling of contentment quickly melted

away and was replaced by one of worried apprehension.

“Get in the house.” I told Corina as I waited for the two men to

approach me, “I don’t like the look of this.”

“Ah! Don’t send the whore away!” slurred the first, larger lad as he

sidled his way up to me, “she may be black but she gotta be better to

look at than this shit-hole of a house you live in! What’s wrong with

you? You too much of a faggot to get yourself a white woman?”

The anger welled up inside me like a great tidal wave of hate. I

looked around quickly for any type of a weapon I could find, but it

was too late. The baseball bat seemed to come out of nowhere. I saw it

coming and pulled back – a reflex action – but not back far enough.

The hard wood caught me on my side knocking the wind out of my lungs

and I saw the moon and stars swirl in a sickening kaleidoscope of

colour as my legs gave way and I hit the floor.

My eyes opened blearily. I could feel dirt sticking to the side of my

face. I tried to focus; figure out what had happened. Corina was

sitting on the sofa opposite me. She looked sad. I tried to move

towards her but quickly realised that I was tied, very securely, to a

chair and gagged with tape. There was no way I was going anywhere.

“Ah, so the faggot’s awake!”

I twisted my head and discovered that the voice belonged to the big

guy that had immobilized me with the bat. I tried to struggle again as

he smirked at me but it was useless. I contented myself by hurling a

long stream of verbal abuse at him that was completely muffled behind

the gag.

“Now, don’t be like that,” he replied, a sickening grin plastered over

his face, “we just want to find out what all the fuss is about. We

heard that some white guy had got himself a black bitch and we wanted

to see for ourselves. I gotta say, she looks a whole lot finer than

the other black whores you see round here!”

I twisted and turned, banging the chair up and down in my anger as the

man moved over to the sofa and gently stroked my wife’s hair.

“Oh yes, very fine indeed!” he continued.

Corina twisted her head in an effort to relieve herself of this man’s

unwanted touch but he quickly turned angry.

“If you don’t co-operate, honey, then my buddy over there is going to

crack your old man again, you understand?”

Corina nodded dumbly and allowed the big guy to replace his hand and

continue stroking her hair. But this time his hands were not content

to simply fondle her tresses and began to wander downwards to cover

her breasts through the outside of the dress. I could feel the tears

of anger sting my eyes as I looked on helplessly.

The big guy was now joined by his smaller companion as they both began

to grope and fondle my wife’s tits. I knew what was going to happen

and I just hoped that Corina would submit without argument – the mood

these guys were in, anything could happen.

I knew that the dress wouldn’t last for long and I was right. I heard

the material rip and saw the ruined garment appear from over the

…End of the part2. To be continued..

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simultaneously perform fellatio on the receiver (assuming the

receiver is male, of course). Depth of penetration is shallow to

medium, but the angle of insertion is “unnatural,” and this makes

for unusual sensations. The penis contacts the anal/vaginal wall

or prostate, as with the previous position.

There are at least two varieties of the sitting position. (1)

The inserter may sit in a chair or on a sofa, while the receiver

lowers him/herself down on the inserter’s lap, facing away. (2) The

inserter may lie down flat on his/her back and the receiver sits

down on him/her, again facing away. This is another good beginner

position, since the receiver controls depth of penetration.

The “T position” has the receiver lying flat on his/her back with

knees drawn up and perhaps a pillow or two under the lower back

for elevation. The inserter lies down underneath the the bent legs

of the receiver, but at a right angle. There may be a significant

difference in comfort for the receiver, depending on which side

insertion occurs. Depth of penetration is medium.

The face-to-face standing position requires practice and considerable

agility on the part of both partners. The receiver raises a leg to

waist level, which the inserter grasps and holds. This pulls forward

the buttocks and anus of the receiver, and makes insertion from

the front and underneath just barely possible. Shallow penetration

at a strange angle is probably the best that can be hoped for,

but that this is even possible is rather remarkable.

——————————————————————-

Val was pretty well soured on both sexes. Sure, you could have a good

time with playmates, but they seemed always to end up claiming property

rights. Wanting to own you. Enough of that shit! He decided that he’d

settle for his own company for the foreseeable future.

It helped that he had started a new and better job. A well-paying and

non-demanding job. A job that involved his ass, as it happened. He was

an underwear model.

Back in their happier days when they were (literally!) “into” each other,

Warren had put him in touch with a friend who ran a modeling agency. So

now Val was making a couple of thou a week just for parading his compact

underwear-clad butt in front of photographers and advertising execs. The

lights were hot, but the work was easy and the ambiance classy. And he

did have all the required talents: the ability to freeze a pose for an

extended period of time, and even more important, a tight, muscular set

of buns.

It was too good to last, of course. As his modeling career took off

(they raved about his butt), he got more bookings than he could handle.

The fame disease befell him. They began to call him the “Ass Man,” and

his face became as familiar to the public as his backside. He couldn’t

go out shopping without being surrounded by screaming fans holding out

copies of his notorious bare-ass “Slutboy” centerfold spread for him to

autograph. He couldn’t go for a walk in his own neighborhood without women

(and sometimes men) sneaking up behind him and pinching his butt. His mail

overflowed with offers of marriage and indecent proposals in exquisite

detail from all five sexes. He had no privacy. The whole world seemed

to want a piece of him . . . a piece of ass. His ass was under siege.

Soon enough, Val got tired of peddling ass. He retired. With what was left

of his earnings, he bought a remote mountain cabin far up in the Canadian

Rockies. With no phone or electricity, he isolated himself completely

from civilization. His only companions were a neurotic Persian cat and

a custom-made set of solar-powered dildoes.

——————————————————————-

THE BOOK OF ASSES

Part V

Preventive Maintenance

The care and feeding of one’s ass has a major effect on the health,

and consequently pleasure capacity of that wondrous organ.

A healthy and balanced diet promotes healthy bowel habits and

maintains the vigor of the large intestine and the muscle tone of

the sphincter. Avoid animal fats, which can lead to rectal cancer

and other debilitating ailments. Consume generous portions of

vegetables and foods containing fiber and “roughage” and you will

be amply rewarded by regular and satisfying bowel movements.

Regular exercise, especially walking, bicycling, and swimming,

contributes to a healthy state of the digestive system and helps

shape and tone the large muscles of the posterior. Kegel-type

exercises of the anal sphincter ring maintain the flexibility and

strength of that all-important gateway to ecstasy.

Cleanliness keeps the anus healthy. Clean thoroughly after each

bowel movement, and as necessary apply salve or ointment to treat

irritation and maintain the suppleness and pleasing appearance of

that entry to the chamber of delights.

Enemas can be a useful adjunct to anal pleasure. Those particularly

sensitive to fecal residue and odors may find it helpful to cleanse

the interior of the colon with a saline enema prior to anal play. Of

course, exercise due caution in administering enemas, both to one’s

self and to a partner.

——————————————————————-

As cut off from the world as Val was, a leading New York publishing house

had somehow gotten wind of his writings and tracked him down. Having

jeeped in over potholed dirt roads and iced-up mountain passes,

the publishing executive breathlessly explained that there was a

multi-million-dollar advance waiting if he would only sign a contract for

“The Book of Asses.” A vast audience was panting for alternate sexuality

and “orifice liberation” literature. Now if Val would just sign on the

dotted line . . .

He was mightily pissed at having his privacy invaded. “How the fuck did

you find me, and what makes you think I need your filthy luchre anyhow?”

The executive smiled . . . and dropped her pants. She had a perfect ass

. . . and wasn’t that a wicked-looking dildo harness girding her loins?

“After all, we *do* know your weaknesses, Val.”

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God, I want to – there’s no turning back. There’s no pretending it never

happened. Our relationship will never be the same. Billy, this is a HUGE

step. Are you sure?”

“As sure as I know how to be, Mom . . . uh, Susan. If you’re

worried I’ll suddenly become some arrogant, impossible-to-control jerk

after this . . . relax. I’ll be the same person I’ve always been. I don’t want

to change our relationship. Well, except this way. Do you believe me?”

With the same look of concern, she stared at me and then slowly

nodded her head. Then, her eyes softened and she smiled and whispered,

“Yes.”

Leaning forward, I gently moved her hand away from her crotch. I

knee-walked to her up-thrust pelvis and bent my cock down to her cunt,

running the head through her wet trough and then, welding it like a stick, I

used it to thump on her clit. I started softly but rapidly increased her clit

flogging until she was gasping and twitching.

“God damn you, Billy. Quit teasing me. You’re hauling coals to

Newcastle. I’m ready, dammit.” She smiled, taking the sting out of the

words and then added, “Fuck me, you shit.”

Shit? I was seeing a side of my mother I didn’t know existed.

Again, bending my impossibly hard cock, I forced the head into her

pussy, asking, “Want more?”

She answered by thrusting her pelvis at me, effectively burying my

cock deep in her vagina, ending any thought I had of feeding it to her

slowly. Who was I kidding? As if I could have waited!

I fell forward on her, mashing her breasts under my chest. Her

arms were above her head and I grabbed each wrist with crossed hands and

imprisoning her arms. I supported much of my weight with my elbows, but

allowed my mass to hold her down as I thrust into the female depth.

“Feel my cock, Mom . . . Susan. Feel the head of my cock slip into

you . . . into your cunt.” I emphasized the T sound. “Feel it push open the

walls of your pussy. Feel me open you up. There! Can you feel the head

of my cock touch your womb?”

Her only answer was to grunt and thrust back at me. Then we

proceeded to rut. Short rapid strokes followed by slow, longer strokes,

occasionally pulling all the way out and then slamming in again.

“I’m inside you. Feel me inside your woman spot.”

She struggled and thrashed about, seeming to fight me, but never so

much they she actually got away. We both supported the sham of me

forcing her, almost raping her. Of course, the bucking and rolling of her

hips gave evidence to the lie of her struggles to extricate herself.

I spoke into her ear constantly, but I can’t tell you exactly what I

said. I simply gave mindless utterance to the train of imagery marching

through my head. I remember only that it was very vivid and very lewd,

just like my dirty talk.

Mother is multi orgasmic and she bucked her way through her first

come minutes after we started fucking. Thereafter, I controlled her

orgasms, or so it seemed to me. I would slowly build up the pace of our

copulation and concomitantly, edge into increasingly lascivious imagery,

describing in lurid detail what I was thinking and what I wanted to do with

her.

“Feel my hardness. Feel my shaft . . . inside your pussy.”

She’d throw her head back, tendon straining in her neck, eyes

closed and mouth gasping. Then, face contorted, almost as if in pain, she’d

begin whipping her head back and forth, a wail building in her throat and

she’d come again.

We rested a few moments, my cock hard in her pussy, still

…End of the part15. To be continued..

years before it – are wrapped in some soft-focus, cotton-candy memory,

but that day snaps into sharp focus with a clarity that is the result of

moments of great impact long remembered. For all those years, my mother

was my Mom. Then one day she became a woman. More importantly, she

suddenly became a sexy woman. An extremely desirable woman.

I didn’t – that day at any rate – suddenly become a profligate. It

was to take a certain determinism and some considerable time before I

might aspire to that description. No, the severest criticism one could bring

to bear back then might be that I was a horny kid, one who appeared to be

a touch more aware than his peers and maybe too curious for his own

good.

I was home alone with my mother and my father was away. That

was the case a good bit of the time it seemed. I had a father, but we didn’t

know each other very well. On some level, I’d come to accept his absence,

for that’s the way it was. I suspect my mother, who didn’t complain, was

experiencing less acceptance.

I’d been coerced into wearing a sport jacket that day – in place of

my usual, more casual attire – and attending some ho-hum, boring cocktail

party at the university president’s home. I don’t recall the strong-arm

tactics that brought me to bay, but I do recall the suffering. It seemed like

endless hours of mindless chatter where everyone but me got to have

champaign or white wine. Oh, it wasn’t forbidden, but my mother had

made it clear that she was going to have “some wine” and I was the

designated driver. We both knew that champaign had more effect on my

mother than it appeared at first glance. If she didn’t try to walk, or drive,

she did quite well, at least at holding a conversation. However, those who

knew her well were aware of a characteristic scattered thought process, a

type of clang association which, when coupled with an alcoholic gaiety,

turned her into a different woman. Almost daring and perhaps borderline

loose.

Anyway, we’d returned home in the late afternoon from that well-

supplied party and we’d both fallen into facing couches in our large living

room, each of us with a welcome sigh as we put our feet up. That’s when

it happened. I don’t recall that anything had occurred to set me up for this;

it just came out of nowhere. Blind sided as it were. Out of nowhere, this

sexy woman appeared!

The late afternoon sun shone toward my mother while I sat

opposite her in deeper shadow. She’d drawn up her knees to push her

pumps off and suddenly I was looking directly up her dress at a well-lit and

unobstructed view of my mother’s thighs all the way to her undergarments.

It was no flash, for she’d placed both stockinged feet on the coffee table,

knees still up and fallen back to the cushions, head up and eyes closed with

her skirt around her mid thighs in the front and completely dropped away in

the rear.

“Oh, that feels so good.” she exclaimed, wriggling her stocking-

clad toes. “Christ, I wish I could meet someone interesting at those

parties, someone with some life in them!”

It was the type of comment that needed no reply. I suspect that I

couldn’t have replied coherently in any case, for my attention was riveted

on the view under her dress.

Even though I’d lived with this woman all my life, I suppose I had

had no interest and no awareness of her as a *woman* and even less for

her clothes. After all, she was my mother for crying out loud. So, it was

with some surprise that I realized for the very first time that she wore

stockings and garters and not what I thought all women wore, pantyhose.

I was fascinated with the stretch of her hose by the garters running down

each thigh. But her panties held even greater fascination for me.

I don’t think that I’d given it any previous thought, but had I been

grilled on what type of underwear my mother wore, I might have guessed

something white, conservative, and certainly thick. Clearly not what she

had on. Illuminated by the long rays of the afternoon sun, the pale yellow

of her panties, pooched out by a thick cushion of pubic hair faintly seen

…End of the part1. To be continued..

I pulled up in front of my mother’s house and beeped the
horn. My daughters, 12 and 10, came running out and I waved at
their Granny as I pulled away.
Melissa, the 12 year old, looked over at me, “Wow, Mom, what
have you been doing? You look a mess”
Krissy concurred from the back seat, “Yeah, your hair looks
terrible.”
I asked them about their day and we went through McDonald’s
Drive-Thru without incident. At home, Frank was just getting out
of his car as we pulled up. He waited and then kissed us all on
the cheeks.
“Hi, Honey. You look like you had a tough day.”
“Yeah, it was long and hard. The girls already told me my
hair was a mess. They just don’t appreciate the effort I went
to, to get it looking this way!”
He tousled it with his hand, “I noticed, but I thought it
looked sexy. How was the traffic on your end?”
I smiled at him, “Well, Dear, the Beltway was a real mess.
I won’t soon forget today’s traffic jam. This one guy was really
zipping in and out, then he got behind me, and he just wouldn’t
get off my ass.”
Frank patted my shoulder, “I know, Julie, there are some
real fucking assholes out there.”
“You can say that again, Honey.”
Maybe the guilt would come later.
Then, again, maybe it won’t!

Joe flipped the lights on and stared at us in shock.
I could sense his anger swell as his eyes darted in our direction,
seeing our naked bodies slick and stained with cum. I stared back at him,
somehow shot with a tinge of guilt, yet I forced a sinister glare and
said nothing…
“You cock suckin’ FUCK!” Joe managed to mumble out loud.
…End of the part3. To be continued..

tips and gently pulled, bringing warm flashes of need that washed

over Jessie in waves. Breathing now in small gasps she rolled on

her side and gently pushed Hal onto his back.

What was fair for the swan was fair for the lady of the

lake.

Jessie planted kisses on Hal’s cheeks and mouth and gently

nibbled his ear. Her tongue flicked in and out and round, until

Hal too began to breathe in irregular gasps. Her right hand

worked down Hal’s shirt buttons until the top lay open at the fur

of his chest. Jessie ran the tips of her fingers though the

black and grey hair curling across his chest, stroking his skin

with desire. Shifting her weight to the side, she pulled his

shirt to the side, effectively pinning his arms still entrapped

in it. Desire driving her, Jessie moved her tongue over his

breasts, circling, tickling, sucking while Hal lost himself

wanting to play out the age old game of love and merging.

Jessie’s hand strayed to the straining bulge in his jeans and she

stroked the surface of his thighs with ever gentle, passes that

brought forth his breath in deep, pleasured moans.

Now it was his turn again. Hal struggled to return from the

waves of pleasure in which he floated. He finally raised himself

on one elbow and removed his prison of a shirt. Hal reached for

the zipper on Jessie’s jeans and slowly inched it down, his

fingers seeking to dip themselves in her soft petals of skin.

His probing palms found the triangle of golden fur that arched

skyward to meet him and he slid his hand along her glistening

thighs searching for panties. There were none to find and it

excited him to find her so ready and unencumbered.

Jessie’s right hand was no quieter than his. She worked the

snap of Hal’s jeans open and slid her hand inside over his under-

pants and caressed his shaft. It was full and firm and strained

upward at each pass she made from the tip to the base and back

again. She worked Hal’s zipper open and teased his firm member

into the softness of her palm. It was velvet soft on the outside

but unable to disguise the raging energy it contained. His shaft

wanted only to be as close to her, to burrow itself deep within

her magic. Its tip moistened in overwhelming expectation of

heaven to come.

Jessie and Hal were both breathing hard now. But they still

had entirely too many clothes on. It took them no time at all to

realize this fact and seek to remedy the situation to fulfill

their desire. Hal was the first to call a truce. He eased

Jessie’s jeans off, his hand stroking her thighs with a caress

with the softness of the wind, but the urgency of manhood.

Reciprocating, Jessie slowly slid both his pants down until he

stepped out of them.

He stood before her like a graying, handsome god of lust.

She knelt and took his shaft into her mouth and teased it round

the head and underneath with her tongue. Each pass brought Hal

closer to his knees. His back was arched and he fought the

desire to end this ballet in a flood of saltiness.

Jessie moved up his pubic area with her tongue…up the

chest…up to the neck and then to his lips again. They embraced

in a kiss that lost them both to time. Hal moved to enter her,

thrusting, like a sword seeking its rightful sheath and when he

found his home, they both cried out in pleasure.

Now a deep thrust, now a shallow one. They clung in each

others arms, swaying like great willows caught up in the dance of

life and the wind. The deeper Hal thrust, the deeper Jessie

tried to take him. She wanted him in the center of her being but

she could not keep her balance, her knees were so weak that they

had to hold each other up to keep from falling. Her body urged

Hal to follow it gently down without slipping from its hold, to

lie upon her on the sweet earth together.

Now their rhythms lost them to all reason. She moaned and

cried out and struggled sideways in an effort to bring Hal close

enough within her. He lost himself in passion until the urgency

of both of them brought the crescendo of centering. Hal came in

a flood of warmth and a cry to the gods of perfection. Jessie

joined him as his salty flood spread inside her loins that

brought her own loss of space and time. She was in a time and

place where nothing mattered but holding this man as close as she

could for eternity itself. They lay relaxed, merged with one

another while time itself passed away.

Tears began to stream down Jessie’s cheeks. They were tears

of pure joy, tears of pure happiness and she held Hal gently and

let them flow with her passion. Hal reached up and brushed them

gently away with his finger tips. He kissed their saltiness and

whispered gently into her ear, “I love you,” while he tried not

to cry himself. There was no way to express in words what he

felt about what they had shared with each other. Language lost

its power to express when compared with this sharing.

For the longest time they laid there, wrapped in eternity,

love taking them on a journey to the ultimate high meadow.

—

“Dee, who flaps last, flaps left”

[Father Goose #29]

Once there was a great (or almost great) pitcher by name of Melvin
Famie. Like so many others, though, Melvin got old and lost his touch.
He was such a boost to the spirit of the team, however, that the manage-
ment could justify keeping him on the bench just to offer “Hooray!”s.
Melvin, not having to work terribly hard at his new job, took to sipping
a wee bit o’ the malt punch at games to keep HIS spirits up, so he could
keep his teammates’ spirits up.

Well, they were hard at work in a long, drawn-out battle with their
cross-state rivals when the manager realized that they were out of
relief pitchers, out of pinch-hitters, and the poor fool on the mound
was looking for a pounding. He called our hero off the bench to pitch
the top of the ninth, and Mel, on his way up the steps from the dugout,
groped back for not only his glove, but five or six cans of brew, which
he stuffed into his shirt on his way to the mound. Needless to say, Mel
had a very hard time locating the catcher from the heights of the mound,
and did all the damage required for a loss of the game by the time the
manager swapped him with the right-fielder. When the inning was finally
over, Mel collapsed against the fence next to the home-team bullpen,
and snored his way happily through the uneventful bottom of the ninth.

A youngster on the opposing team, totally amazed to have seen such in
“The Majors”, inquired of one of his fellows about the hulk up against
the fence. “That’s the great Melvin Famie”, said his elder. “What’s the
bulge in his shirt?” asked the tyro. The reply?

“That’s the beer that made Mel Famie walk us.”

[Father Goose #30]

Once there was a King who was loved by all of his subjects, especially
because of the hunting excursions he shared with them. As will happen,
one day he died and his eldest son took the throne. Now this new king
was an animal-lover to the core, and immediately outlawed all forms of
hunting and fishing. His subjects accepted this for only a short time
before they ousted him. This is a truly significant event, because it’s
the first time a reign was called on account of the game.

[Father Goose #31]

Late in the previous century, the well-known folklorist
Vivian McNabb was collecting ballads and tales in the
Scottish Highlands, and found a previously unknown musical instrument,
something in the lyre-lute-dulcimer range. It was sitting unused
as a family heirloom, and the family who owned it no longer
knew exactly how it should be tuned or played, nor did anyone
else in the region. McNabb purchased it, and showed it
in every village he passed through. Nobody could give him completely
accurate information, and nobody could tune it or play it, but some
clues began to fall in place. Several people mentioned Seamus
O’Pernokkety, who lived in Ireland, as a great authority on stringed
instruments. McNabb determined to go over and consult Seamus.

(Insert shaggy description of McNabb’s difficult travels, and the
frustrating search for Seamus O’Pernokkety.)

Finally, weak and confused, McNabb stumbled up to the door of the
cabin at the top of the steep hill. Success at last! Seamus recognized
the instrument, and agreed to tune it and teach McNabb how to play, but
only if McNabb would serve as his apprentice for a full year.

(Insert description of McNabb’s arduous year of servitude at the feet
of his musical guru.)

When the year was up, Seamus took the instrument out of the cupboard,
spent the rest of the day tuning it up, and played all night and all
the next day. It was the most remarkable, beautiful tone McNabb had
ever heard. He stayed on another month, until he too had some proficiency
at playing. At last they parted.

McNabb skipped and jumped down the hill, exulting in his newfound
skill in playing the instrument, and in the precious object itself.
So unbridled was he in his joyous carriage, that he tripped and fell,
and went tumbling arse-over-teacup down into a ravine. A large boulder
finally broke his fall, and also his leg. The instrument, however,
did not seem to be damaged. But when he tried to play it, it proved
to be badly out of tune, and he could wring from it nothing but harsh
discords. There was no help for it: he painfully crawled all the
way back up the terrible hill, arriving at Seamus’s cottage late that
evening.

“Oh, Seamus, the most terrible thing has happened!” he gasped out, and
explained about his accident. “Please, maestro, help me in my despair.
Retune the instrument! And perhaps do something about my leg, if you
can.”
“Certainly, McNabb, I can set your leg, and you’re welcome to
food and lodging while it mends. But I hope you realize I can’t work
on that instrument again.”
“But why not? Please, you must.”
“No, I cannot. I thought it was well known:
O’Pernokkety tunes but once.”

[Father Goose #32]

In the 23rd century the solar system was wracked by constant
warring between the fragmented states of the Asteroid Belt.
Particularly successful in these wars was one tribe (I’ll call
them Joes) which managed to total up a surprising war record
despite its amazingly primitive weaponry through sheer ferocity.
After having dispatched a fleet from a rival nation (call them
Jacks), the Joe general went over to his adversary’s flagship to
sign a treaty of peace. After the diplomatic niceties were
taken care of, the Jack general (who had been wounded in the
previous day’s fighting) took a moment of his time to talk shop
and mention his injury. Their exchange follows:

Said the Jack general, “What was that laser you sawed me with
last night?”

Came the reply, “That was no laser–that was my knife!”

[Father Goose #33]

It seems there were three monks who enjoyed raising plants
and were trying to keep a flower shop running, selling unique
and exotic plant life.
One day, some children where playing behind the shop and
were eaten whole by an extremely rare man-eating plant.
The parents, needless to say, were outraged, and demanded that
the friars get rid of the dangerous plant. The friars refused.
So the parents and the people of the town tried several ways to get
the friars to consent, but finally they asked Hugh, the town blacksmith,
(undoubtably the strongest man around), to run the friars out of town.

Your waiting for the moral… Can you guess?

“Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!”

[Father Goose #34]

…End of the part5. To be continued..

Two guys were stranded on a desert island.
The only way they could get food was to kill
sea birds by throwing rocks at them.
By the time they were rescued,
… They had left no tern unstoned.

[Father Goose #22]

There was once was this guy who developed a bad case of flatulence. The smell
was quite embarrasing, but what was worse was the sound which was a loud
“HONDA!” He went to a number of doctor (of course) and none of them
could help him (as is always the case in these tales). Finally out of
desperation he went to an old chinese doctor and explained his problem.
Without any examination the doctor said, “You have an abcessed tooth, have it
fixed and your problem will be solved.” So he went to a dentist, and sure,
enough he did have an abcessed tooth, which he had repaired, and his “HONDA”
farts went away as well. So he went back to the chinese doctor and said,
“What’s the punch line?” — or was it, “How did you know that I had an
abcessed tooth?”

“Because”, said the chinese doctor, “everybody know that …

… abcess make the fart go HONDA!”

[Father Goose #23]

Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called
Trids. The Trids were happy except for the huge ogre that lived
on the mountain. The ogre would periodically terrorize the Trids.

The Trids tired of the ogre and sought to reason with him. They thought
one of their religious leaders would be a good intermediary. So a group
of Trids and their minister went up the mountain and before they could
even say one word the ogre kicked them down the mountain. Not being
dismayed the Trids thought that maybe the ogre was Catholic, so they sent
another delagation, this time led by the local priest. But alas, as they
approached the ogre he once again kicked them all down the mountain.

The Trids were upset until they thought that perhaps the ogre was Jewish.
Unfortunately, no Trids were Jewish, so they wrote to the people of another
land and asked them to send a Rabbi to help them with the ogre. The
Rabbi arrived and led a delegation of Trids up the mountain. The ogre
saw them coming and kicked all of them, except for the Rabbi, down the
mountain. The Rabbi, having been told of the previous expeditions, wondered
why he alone had not been kicked down the mountain, so he asked the ogre.
The ogre laughed and replied:

“Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!”

[Father Goose #24]

During the invasion of Sicily in World War II, General
George (“Blood ‘n’ Guts”) Patton was preparing to take the
city of Palermo. He checked with his meteorologists and learned
the day he had chosen would be incredibly rainy. So he issued
an order to place copies of the New York “Times” immediately
beneath the tailgates of the transports carrying his troops.
In this way the men could keep their feet dry.

His staff was mystified. Why the “Times”? Why not the New
York “Daily News”? Patton was adamant; and one did not argue
with the General. As five tons of old copies of the “Times”
were being loaded, the General issued one of his greatest
quotes to the assembled war correspondents:

“THESE ARE THE ‘TIMES’ THAT DRY MEN’S SOLES.”

[Father Goose #25]

Henry the Plantationer was the Lord of the best flower plantation
in all the land, but he had lost his family’s corner on the market of
fleur de lis (hard won by his father).
This loss enraged his cousin Richard, a nasty, deformed, but clever
man who was lord of the fields of white roses, and who raised 400 pound
attack boars for a hobby.
Henry’s other cousins, who lorded over the fields of red roses
were merely annoyed. They felt that Henry was a good man. He was a quiet
visionary gentleman, with a good raport with the heavenly father.
As time passed, Richard’s fury grew, and he openly proclaimed
that he, not Henry should run the plantation. This of course caused many
bad feelings.
These feelings came to a head one spring evening, when Henry
was hosting a fancy feast, with all of the local royalty attending
except (for obvious reasons) Richard.
When this fest was in full swing, Richard burst in, with five of
his biggest
most viscious attack boars. And they tore up the feast, and the people
turning it into a grotesque study of blood and flesh. When this was done
and only Richard and a few others were left alive, Gruesome Richard
proclaimed

“Now is the dinner of our wistful gent wrent gory assunder by this
ton of pork !”
[ The story draws from several Shakespeare Histories and the saying from
his Richard the Third, "Now is the winter of our
discontent made glorious summer by this Son of York."]

[Father Goose #26]

There was this troupe of dancers that traveled around
the country dancing in clubs and theaters. They were called
the Steppers. At one club, the Steppers did such a good job
of pulling in patrons that the management gave them all the
drinks they could drink after the show.

Well, they all got plastered and were having a big party.
When it came time to get on their bus to travel to the next town,
they did not want to stop partying, so they just moved the party
to the bus. As they rode down the highway, you could here their
yelling, singing, and laughing for miles.

At a house along that very highway, there lived a family that
had a pet snake. It was a viper, and it’s name was Peter. That
night, Peter Viper was asleep in his snake house in the back yard.
Suddenly, he was awakened by a loud racket. It was the bus
carrying the Steppers still having their party. But Peter didn’t
know that. In his confusion, he thought he was back in deep dark
Africa being pursued by Pygmies. He slithered out of his snake
house, headed across the yard as fast as he could, and crossed the
highway just in front of the bus. The bus driver, who was a little
sleepy, saw Peter Viper in the road, and mistook him for a giant log.
He swerved, and the bus landed in the ditch, drunk Steppers
lying everywhere.

The next day, the headline in the paper read “Peter Viper
wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers”.

[Father Goose #27]

President Eisenhower’s Mother had a sister; this lady constantly
had trouble in bright sunshine because her nose was so sensitive
that the skin peeled off every summer.

Her doctor made a simple remedy, a small cone of paper (like a
Dunce’s cap) which she stuck onto her nose at the first sign of
sun.

Do you believe this?

I didn’t until Mick Jagger sang about it.

Ike’s Aunt gets nose hat is fact, son

[Father Goose #28]

…End of the part4. To be continued..

A young girl asked her mother “Mommy, do you get into heaven feet first?”

“I don’t know, why do you ask?”

“Because the maid’s upstairs with her feet in the air, shouting `God, I’m
coming, God, I’m coming,’ but dad’s on top and won’t let her go.”

–

Completely dead pan and serious, Quill read the remainder of
the letter. Needless to say, it became much more graphic including
the candidates reference to handcuffs, chocolate sauce and whip
cream. When Quill finished, she placed her copy of the letter down
and turned to me. “Are you or are you not the author of said
letter?”

“She was my girlfriend and it was a private correspondence,”
I defended.

“So! You admit it,” Quill replied slapping her palm on the
table. “You admit to proposing a variety of sexual acts with a
woman in a foreign country and you completely ignored the
international implications of your sexual harassment.”

“International?” I asked. “She was an American and my
girlfriend. We were intimate at the time.”

“So, you admit to having a sexual relationship with her, a
member of the opposite sex. A man making love to a woman!
No! Further! Questions!”

Anna Richards, distinguished senator from Texas, was next. I
fended off several thousand more questions relating to my
“permanent record”, including a spit ball incident during the
third grade. Then she brought out the big guns and asked, “In your
parent’s home, what type of VCR do they own?”

Here it was, the buy American tirade. “It’s a Toshiba.”

“And what type of VCR did they have at the William Adam S.
Preston Junior High where you attended the seventh grade.”

“Shit,” I thought to myself, having learned my lesson about
muttering under my breath. “It was a Toshiba.”

Senator Richards knew my back was against the wall on this
one. “And would you like to elaborate what happened when your
seventh grade health class watched the film on sexual education.”

“The VCR malfunctioned,” I said with solemn sincerity. Hey,
if politicians could gloss over the truth, I could.

The senator from Texas was not nearly satiated. “And what
caused this supposed malfunction?”

“My guess would be a series of encoded infrared pulses.”

“This is a congressional hearing,” she said coolly. “We
don’t guess here. And what caused those `infrared pulses.’”

“Most likely some type of oscillator, a crystal, driven
by a power source.”

“Enough of this tomfoolery!” She whipped out a folder
emblazoned with large black letters, “Clark Thomas’s Permanent
Record.” She selected a page from the rather thick dossier and
began to read: “During the documentary “Your Growing Body,” Clark
[Thomas] used a remote control brought from home to freeze the
picture whenever a part of the female anatomy was shown and to
fast forward through shots of the male anatomy…” Richards put
the paper down and asked, “Should I go on. Should I humiliate by
announcing your sentence?” She paused and added snidely, “One
week’s detention.”

To fully appreciate what I’d done, you had to picture the
scene. The frantic teacher trying to figure out the VCR’s
controls as the tv was filled with a pair of breasts in an
advanced stage of development. The girls turning red and the boys
laughing. I didn’t bother to elaborate about how the vice principal
kept bursting out in laughter when he tried to lecture me. I didn’t
tell her about the giggles that came from the conference the vice
principal had with my parents about the incident. I didn’t tell her how
I was elected president of my class next year, selected as captain of my
soccer team and the numerous other junior high type honors that were
rained on me. I simply said, “I am humbled by your revelations.”

She smiled smugly believe she had humiliated me beyond all
words. “No further questions.”

Senator Stan Nunn, an expert on the military and foreign
affairs, was next. At least he was a male interviewer. After
taking a sip of water, clearing his throat, wiping his brow with a
handkerchief, loosening his tie, tightening his tie and strumming
his fingers on the desk nervously while loosening his tie, he
asked, “December 7, 1941 where were you?”

That was a simply one to answer. “I wasn’t born yet.”

“So you had no fore-knowledge of Japan’s impending attack on
Pearl Harbor?” he ventured but not without some hesitation.

“Obviously not,” I responded.

He quickly terminated his portion of the interview. “No
further questions.” He and old “pants around the ankles”
celebrated their victory by giving each other a nervous half
smile.

To say I’d gotten annoyed at the entire proceedings was an
understatement. Congresswoman Bethanne Dole was next. “Is it
true that you had intercourse with a woman named Sherry Hewson
after you’d offered her temporary lodging in your apartment?”

I could feel the wisps of steam coming from my ears as I
glared Ms. Dole. I could really care about my first kiss in the
eighth grade or spitballs in the third grade. Sherry was a taboo
subject. In my best imitation of a “send chills down your spine”
militant lesbian reaction, I responded, “She and I were lovers.”

Dole shuffled her notes trying to thwart off my “if looks
could kill” glare. “After engaging in sexual relations with Ms.
Hewson, did you not then assault her only sibling while she and her
mother watched?”

“That’s it!” I shouted standing up. “Sherry and I had been
on two or three dates. No big deal. Then she calls me one night
in tears and says her brother has beaten her up, again. So I let
her stay and yes, we made love. But if your courts had kicked her
brother out of the house, the first or fifth time he’d beaten her
up, Sherry wouldn’t have been at my place having consenting sex.
No, he was a minor and the courts refused remove him from the home.”

All ten of them were silent. The clicking of the stenographer
had stopped and only myself and the hum of the camera continued
unabated. “After she found a place of her own, I went to her
house to help her move. Her brother picked a fight and I finished
it. Christ, Sherry’s mom even took me out to dinner to say thank
you.”

Meanwhile, in the boiler room in the basement, the most recent
Supreme Court nominee, also named Clark Thomas, sat talking with an
old coot wearing a shirt with the name “Dutch” sewn on it. “Do
you know how to use a mop ringer?” choked Dutch as lit up another
unfiltered Marlborough.

Nominee Clark Thomas solemnly replied, “Although I’d like to
answer that at this time, I cannot venture an opinion on the
matter.”

Meanwhile over in the White House, the President sat back and
smiled, knowing that all along his nominee, Clark Thomas, was
currently being interviewed by Dutch, a man who’d inhaled pure
ammonia on a daily basis for the last fifty years. This was
destine to be the easiest confirmation hearing in the history of
the Supreme Court. The President was not completely oblivious to the
plight of Clark Thomas, twenty year old college student in search of a
summer job. After being grilled by the congressional committee, the
President planned on rewarding young Clark by having him appointed
as a congressional intern.

–

CANONICAL LIST OF ‘HOW THEY DO IT’s

A king does it with his official seal.
AI hackers do it with rules.
AI hackers do it breast first.
AI hackers make a big production out of it.
AI hackers do it with robots.
AI hackers do it robotically.
AI hackers do it artificially.
AI hackers do it depth first.
AI hackers do it with robots
APL programmers do it with stile
APL programmers are functional.
APL programmers do it backwards.
APL programmers do it backwards.
Accountants do it with double entry.
Accountants do it with balance.
Accountants are good with figures.
Acrophobes get down.
Actors do it on stage.
Actors do it on cue.
Actors play around
Ada programmers do it by committee.
Ada programmers do it in packages.
Advertisers use the “new, improved” method.
Advertising majors do it with style.
Aerobics instructors do it until it hurts.
Aerospace Engineers do it with lift and trust.
Agents do it undercover.
Air Traffic Controllers do it in the dark.
Air Traffic Controllers tell pilots how to do it.
Air traffic controllers do it by radar.
Airlifters penetrate further, linger longer, and drop a bigger load
Alpinists do it higher.
Ambulance drivers come quicker.
Analog hackers do it continuously.
Anglers do it with worms.
Animators do it 24 times a second
Ansi does it in the standard way.
Archeologists like it old.
Architects have great plans.
Arsonist do it with fire.
Artillerymen do it with a burst.
Artists do it by design.
Artists are exhibitionists.
Artists do it with emotion
Artists do it with creativity.
Assassins do it from behind.
Assembler programmers do it one-to-one.
Assembly line workers do it over and over.
Astronauts do it in orbit.
Astronomers do it while gazing at Uranus.
Astronomers can’t do it with the lights on
Astronomers do it with Uranus.
Astronomers (astrophysicists) do it with a Big Bang.
Astronomers do it under the stars.
Astronomers do it with thier Telescopes (Refraction periods?)
Astronomers do it in the dark.
Astronomers do it with stars.
Astronomers only do it at Night
Attorneys make better motions.
Auditors like to examine figures.
Authors do it by rote.
Auto makers do it with standard equipment (or optional equipment).
B&Ders do it with their hands tied behind their backs!
BASIC programmers GOTO it.
Babysitters charge by the hour.
Backstrokers do it face up
Bailiffs always come to order.
Bakers knead it daily.
Bankers do it with interest. (However, there is a penalty for early withdrawal)
Banker – Past performance is no guarantee of future potential…
Bananas do it in bunches.
Band members do it in front of 100,000 people.
Band members do it in a parade.
Band members do it in sectionals.
Band members do it all night.
Band members do it on the football field.
Band members do it in public.
Barbarians do it with anything. (As do orcs.)
Barbers do it with shear pleasure.
Bartenders do it on the rocks.
Baseball Players (Sports people) Do it for alot of Money
Baseball players make it to first base.
Baseball players hit more home runs.
Baseball players have leather-covered balls.
Basic programmers do it all over the place.
Basic programmers do it all over the place.
Basketball players have big rubber balls.
Basketball players dribble before they shoot
Basketball players score more often.
Beekeepers like to eat their honey.
Beer brewers do it with more hops.
Beer drinkers get more head.
Beta Testers do it looking for mistakes.
Bicyclists do it in 10 speeds.
Biochemists make better lovers…want us to make *you* one?
Bio – Does that mean your offering to make a better lover than the one I alrea
dy have, or to improve ME?!??
Biologists do it with clones.
Bo Jackson knows doing it.
Boardheads do it with stiff masts.
Body-builders do it with muscle
Bookkeepers do it with double entry
Bosses delegate the task to others.
Bowlers have bigger balls.
Breaststrokers touch with both hands
Bricklayers lay all day.
Bridge players try to get a rubber.
Bridge players do it with finesse.
Broadcast/Cable Majors do it on film.
Broadcast/Cable Majors do it to epic proportions
Building inspectors do it under the table.
Bus drivers come early and pull out on time.
Butchers have better meat.
Butchers do it with dead meat.
C programmers continue it.
C programmers do it with lint.
C programmers SWITCH often.
C programmers SWITCH and then BREAK it.
C programmers SWITCH and then BREAK it.
C programmers continue it.
C’Bers do it on the air.
C++ programmers do it with their friends, in private.
CIA operatives do it with a security blanket.
COBOL hackers do it by committee.
COBOL programmers do it very slow.
COBOL programmers do it very slow.
CS111 students do it with interspersed comments.
CS111 students do it in binary.
CS111 students do it with ORGs.
Californians do it laid back.
Campers do it in a tent.
Cardiologists do it lightheartedly.
Cardiologists do it halfheartedly.
Carpenters hammer it harder.
Carpet layers do it on the floor.
Cartoonists do it with just a few good strokes.
Cavaliers do it mounted.
Cheerleaders do it with more enthusiasm.
Cheerleaders do it enthusiastically.
Chefs do it in the kitchen.
Chefs do it for dessert.
Chemical engineers do it in packed beds.
Chemists do it reactively.
…End of the part1. To be continued..