Mature Lessons

nude milf



view Mature Lessons lesbian videos
where
Lucky guy compares mature and younger asses fucking them both with great pleasure

chubby milf



view Mature Lessons homemade sex videos
where
Mature lady in stockings teaches nubile blonde assriding and gets some young cock too

mature clips



view Mature Lessons free video
where
Mature woman needs to taste this cock first before letting her sexy student suck and ride it

nude mature



view Mature Lessons free videos
where
Lucky guy fucks his sexy girlfriend and mature slut in the ass and makes them both cum hard

mature lesbian



view Mature Lessons xxx video
where
Sexy brunette watches mature slut suck cock and follows with a blowjob of her own

mature granny



view Mature Lessons amateur video
where
Mature woman in stockings teaches younger couple sex in these steamy flash videos

milf anal



view Mature Lessons porn video
where
Mature ass is warm and soft and younger ass is tight and this guy gets lucky to fuck `em both

mature hairy pussy



view Mature Lessons hot videos
where
Mature woman sucks cock and helps her sex student fuck his girlfriend to a powerful orgasm

free mature galleries



view Mature Lessons homemade sex videos
where
Newly married couple took a threesome sex lesson from mature woman and made these great vids

anal milf



view Mature Lessons free xxx videos
where
Nubile gal gets her ass drilled hard and sucks mature woman`s nipples at the same time

mature housewives



view Mature Lessons video
where
Experienced mature sex pro teaches younger couple threesome sex sharing cock with nubile girl

mature nudes



view Mature Lessons hot videos
where
Guy fucks mature woman and her younger girlfriend in more positions than he could ever imagine

mature galleries



view Mature Lessons porn videos
where
4 flash videos with horny dude drilling nubile and mature sluts` asses and pussies

milf movs



view Mature Lessons personal home videos
where
Having two sluts suck his dick and fucking their brains out helps this guy master his sex skills

milf anal



view Mature Lessons nude videos
where
4 flash vids with hot couple and their blonde mature teacher in mind-blowing hardcore action

chubby milf



view Mature Lessons flash videos
where
Mature slut assriding to check the cock before letting her blonde student take hard anal

old milf



view Mature Lessons lesbian videos
where
Horny dude fucks his sexy girlfriend and her older sex teacher like a diligent student

milf anal



view Mature Lessons sex video
where
Hot brunette passes her cockriding exam and watches mature sex teacher start anal sex practice

lesbian milf



view Mature Lessons videos
where
4 videos with chubby mature and petite nubile blonde French-kissing and sharing cock

mature daily



view Mature Lessons porn videos
where
This chubby mature loves teaching younger couples sex and getting some cock too

mature boobs



view Mature Lessons amateur sex videos
where
Mature teaches younger guy how to use his love drill to satisfy two sex-starved pussies

mature woman



view Mature Lessons stripping videos
where
Chubby mature in stockings teaches younger gal how to take hard anal and cum off it

free milf porn



view Mature Lessons sexy videos
where
4 great vids with mature redhead teaching newlyweds sex and getting fucked to orgasm

chubby milf



view Mature Lessons hot videos
where
Mature in stockings licking cum off nubile gal`s belly after a hot threesome sex lesson

free mature porn



view Mature Lessons free porn video
where
Smoking hot mature blonde shares cock with cute amateur chick and gets nailed by her horny bf

milf lessons



view Mature Lessons hot videos
where
4 hot videos with mature blonde in stockings and garterbelt teaching newly married couple sex

mature woman



view Mature Lessons free xxx videos
where
Fat slut in nylons joins couple to teach sex and ends up getting her plump pussy fucked raw

nude mature women



view Mature Lessons sexy videos
where
Hot Euro mom and nubile brunette deepthroating and taking big cock in their tight ass holes

milf threesomes



view Mature Lessons free adult videos
where
Chubby mature woman rides cock and teaches her younger girlfriend assfucking basics

old milf



view Mature Lessons xxx videos
where
Sporty guy puts his sexy gf and some mature bitch on their fours and fucks them raw

mature gallery



view Mature Lessons flash videos
where
Mature redhead and nubile chick take good care of big hairy cock and get buttfucked

mature women nude



view Mature Lessons sex videos
where
Experienced mature blonde teaches hot teeny cockriding and gets fucked in the ass

mature stockings



view Mature Lessons homemade sex videos
where
Chubby mature with a huge threesome sex experience teaching newly married couple the ropes

mature woman



view Mature Lessons homemade sex videos
where
Mature redhead teaches younger chick cocksucking and anal sex taking cock ass to mouth like a pro

mature women nude



view Mature Lessons adult video
where
Nubile chick and her mature sex teacher get fucked in the ass by a skillful college stud

older milf



view Mature Lessons free porn video
where
Mature in stockings and nubile chick get their asses and pussies fingered and fucked raw

milf thumbs



view Mature Lessons sex videos
where
Fat redhead mom kisses nubile chick as she rides cock and takes doggie position to get some too

busty milf



view Mature Lessons adult videos
where
Depraved mom and her nubile sex student suck cock and get fucked in their every hole

sexy mature



view Mature Lessons hot videos
where
Nubile in stockings learns sharing cock and reverse cowgirl riding from a slutty MILF

milf blowjob



view Mature Lessons free xxx videos
where
Nubile cutie and her mature sex teacher go from sucking hairy cock to getting assfucked

horny milfs



view Mature Lessons free xxx videos
where
Redhead MILF getting fucked doggystyle and assriding after watching nubile chick suck cock

anal milf



view Mature Lessons hot videos
where
Guy gets his cock sucked by mature in fishnets and nubile gal in stockings and fucks `em both

mature ass



view Mature Lessons xxx videos
where
Newly married couple and mature sex teacher got their threesome sex lessons captured on cam

mature blowjobs



view Mature Lessons free porn videos
where
Hairy guy gets his big cock sucked dry by a sinful mature woman and her nubile sex student

mature orgy



view Mature Lessons home made videos
where
Mature sex teacher and her nubile student get fucked after sucking cock and eating guy`s ass

mature milf



view Mature Lessons free porn video
where
Long-legged mature woman in stockings joins younger couple on a couch to teach them 3some sex

milf pics



view Mature Lessons free video
where
Fat mature in stockings teaches newlyweds sex and takes some cock down her ripe fuck holes

mature blowjobs



view Mature Lessons free sex videos
where
Fat mature redhead gets fucked doggystyle while licking her nubile student`s pussy

mature wife



view Mature Lessons lactation video
where
Blonde cutie shares cock with chubby mature and gets on top of her to get fucked from behind

blonde milf



view Mature Lessons free sex videos
where
Hot blonde MILF in stockings teaches newly married couple sex and gets some cock too

sexy milfs



view Mature Lessons amateur sex videos
where
Red-haired MILF and her nubile girlfriend filmed sucking cock and getting fucked raw

free milfs



view Mature Lessons free video
where
Experienced fatty and cute 22 y.o. blonde handle hard cock and get fucked doggystyle

naked mature



view Mature Lessons xxx videos
where
Horny guy taking good care of two itching pussies during a threesome sex lesson

milf hunters



view Mature Lessons amateur sex videos
where
Chubby mature teacher and pretty nubile blonde bend over to take cock from behind

milf mature



view Mature Lessons free porn video
where
Nubile gal and mature in fishnets take turns in riding firm creamy cock

milf fuck



view Mature Lessons lactation video
where
Four new videos from Mature Lessons` threesome orgy educational course

mature hairy



view Mature Lessons porn videos
where
Mature redhead and her sexy nubile student go anal with a hairy bigcocked guy

mature milf



view Mature Lessons home sex videos where
Horny guy and his sexy blonde girlfriend learn threesome oral, anal and vag from mature fatty

mature fucking



view Mature Lessons amateur video
where
Lucky guy fucks his mature sex teacher and his nubile Asian girlfriend on a couch

hairy mature



view Mature Lessons videos
where
Mature Asian woman teaches nubile Euro couple threesome sex and takes some fucking too

mature lesbian



view Mature Lessons reality videos
where
Mature blonde hoe teaches her nubile tutee how to take a stiff creamy boner

hairy milf



view Mature Lessons free video
where
Fat mature in stockings takes the fucking as her nubile girlfriend caresses her big tits

free mature porn



view Mature Lessons sex video
where
Horny mature and nubile brunette get their every hole pounded by big stiff cock

free mature porn



view Mature Lessons free xxx videos
where
Horny guy drills his girlfriend`s pussy and mature woman`s ass on a king-size bed

milf next door



view Mature Lessons free video
where
Mature wife in fishnet stockings getting buttfucked and sharing cock with a horny nubile gal

brunette milf



view Mature Lessons home videos
where
Mature redhead deepthroats on stiff cock and teaches cutie with ponytails assriding

hot milf



view Mature Lessons sex videos
where
Horny guy buttfucking mature and her nubile tutee during a kinky threesome lesson

mature ladies



view Mature Lessons home sex videos where
Fat mature eats cum off cock after teaching her nubile student how to suck and fuck right

mature ladies



view Mature Lessons home made videos
where
Chubby mature fingers nubile cutie`s pussy as she takes some heavy fucking doggystyle

mature nude



view Mature Lessons porn videos
where
Mature in sexy lingerie set watches her students fuck and joins to get some cock in the ass too

mature galleries



view Mature Lessons sex video
where
40+ y.o. redhead displays some great fuck skills as she teachers newlyweds oral and vag

milf next door



view Mature Lessons free videos
where
Chubby redhead wants to teach her students sex, but it`s the guy who gives two cunts a lesson

mature sluts



view Mature Lessons home sex videos where
Sexy nubile redhead and chubby mature suck dick together and get fucked in various positions

milf seeker



view Mature Lessons reality videos
where
Mature teaches her cute student to suck dick, then waits for her turn as the girl gets fucked

mature hairy



view Mature Lessons free porn videos
where
Experienced woman and her shy nubile trainee get fucked in the ass by a lucky fella

mature cunt



view Mature Lessons videos
where
Guy has mature and her nubile student suck his dick, then puts his cock to pussy and anal work

anal milf



view Mature Lessons adult video
where
With two horny pussies to fuck the guy learns a good lesson of timing and ejaculation control

milf creampie



view Mature Lessons free adult video
where
Mature sex teacher and her younger student share cock to satisfy their hunger for fucking

mature pantyhose



view Mature Lessons free sex videos
where
There`s only one cock for fat mature and her sexy student, but they learn to share it perfectly

free mature porn



view Mature Lessons free videos
where
Horny guy gets used by two slutty hoes for blowjob and cockriding practice

mature milfs



view Mature Lessons free xxx videos
where
This mature sex teacher can`t just tutor her students and joins the fun to get some cock too

sexy milfs



view Mature Lessons xxx videos
where
If you spend a night with such kittens you may say you are the luckiest guy in the world.

milf boobs



view Mature Lessons reality videos
where
When you have sex with such girls you begin to value every minute of your life.

milf blowjobs



view Mature Lessons free porn video
where
When you look at them in process, you begin to think that Kama Sutra is their handbook.

mature blowjob



view Mature Lessons videos
where
He has never got relaxation like that with such amazing two girls before this wonderful day.

busty mature



view Mature Lessons sex videos
where
The lucky guy has a nice chance to have a fun with both kittens within one evening.

big tit milf



view Mature Lessons hot videos
where
That`s not to be missed – this threesome will leave you breathless and you won`t forget these experienced sluts.

mature blowjob



view Mature Lessons adult video
where
This threesome will leave you breathless – these gorgeous mature women are the best you could ever find.

anal milf



view Mature Lessons free video porn
where
When experienced women decide to have fun, they know how to undertake it – their sex is simply the best.

nude mature women



view Mature Lessons amateur sex videos
where
With decades of sex experience, these whores will turn on a dead man and make him come in minutes.

mature gallery



view Mature Lessons adult video
where
This hot threesome will not let you indifferent, watch these sluts suck on cocks and get nailed.

mature nude



view Mature Lessons free adult videos
where
Two cock-hungry whores take it in the ass, enjoy some lezbo action and share a cumshot

mature blowjob



view Mature Lessons video clip
where
Hot Asian gal and mature blonde taking fat cock in the ass and sharing a creamy mouthful

mature ass



view Mature Lessons free video porn
where
Mature plumper and nubile cutie get a good feel of a thick schlong in their pussies and buttholes

mature housewives



view Mature Lessons video clip
where
Mature sex teacher and her nubile student share a mouthful after the girl takes hard anal pounding

mature sluts



view Mature Lessons sexy videos
where
Nubile chick taking stiff hairy cock while getting caressed by her bisexual mature girlfriend

naked milf



view Mature Lessons free sex video
where
Mature blonde fondled and fucked to orgasm by her nubile students during a threesome sex lesson

milf movs



view Mature Lessons free videos
where
Fat mature sex teacher takes big cock in the ass after sucking it together with nubile blonde

milf anal



view Mature Lessons free porn video
where
Young stud shows great skill fucking fat mature cunt and her sexy young student deep and hard

mature wife



view Mature Lessons adult videos
where
Blonde fatty and nubile redhead showing some nice blowjob skills and taking cock to the max

milf hunters



view Mature Lessons free porn video
where
Mature woman in thigh-highs and cute nubile gal share young dick and take a joint facial

milf nude



view Mature Lessons porn video
where
Lucky guy joins mature and nubile blondes to fuck em both and creampie their hot juicy twa

mature porn



view Mature Lessons xxx video
where
Mature redhead gets assfucked after teaching her sexy nubile student cockriding techniques

milf threesomes



view Mature Lessons stripping videos
where
Glamorous blonde learns active cockriding and watches her sex teacher take it in the ass

anal milf



view Mature Lessons lactation video
where
Horny guy gives two juicy twats some hardcore deep pumping during a threesome sex lesson

mature sluts



view Mature Lessons videos
where
Nubile blonde sucks and rides cock and her mature sex teacher takes it deep down her ass

mature secretaries



view Mature Lessons free xxx videos
where
Guy gets his cock sucked by cute blonde and her mature sex tutor and fucks both bitches hard

milf threesomes



view Mature Lessons lesbian videos
where
Chubby redhead teaches 20 y.o. cutie sucking dick and enjoys a great fuck together with her

free milf



view Mature Lessons sex videos
where
Mature fatty teaches nubile chick cockriding and gets fucked to orgasm by her horny boyfriend

busty milf



view Mature Lessons videos
where
Mature woman makes love to nubile couple riding cock and sucking cum like in her younger days

busty milf



view Mature Lessons home sex videos where
Horny guy gets lucky to fuck both his mature sex teacher and her pretty young tutee

old milf



view Mature Lessons milf videos
where
Horny guy licks his girlfriend\’s pussy while mature redhead swallows his cock

mature nudes



view Mature Lessons free porn video
where
Chubby 40 y.o. woman enjoys a great anal fuck while teaching nubile couple sex

milf tits



view Mature Lessons amateur video
where
Nubile blonde and her chubby mature sex teacher get pussy nuts from a horny young taker

milf cruiser



view Mature Lessons free porn videos
where
Chubby mature takes an internal cumshot after a hot threesome fuck with her sex students

milf squirt



view Mature Lessons free adult video
where
Mature fatty teaches couple deep fucking and has the guy creampie his sexy girlfriend

mature milf



view Mature Lessons adult video
where
Guy fucks nubile gal and sexy mature blonde before giving them a facial to share

milf fuck



view Mature Lessons free videos
where
Handsome guy polishes two tight juicy pussies with his big strong fuck tool

busty milf



view Mature Lessons videos
where
21 y.o. chick and her plump mature sex teacher getting fucked by a horny young fella

milf cumshot



view Mature Lessons porn videos
where
Horny cum-shooter fucking his sexy girlfriend and her chubby mature sex teacher

mature women



view Mature Lessons xxx video
where
Mature plumper teaches young married couple new positions for deep pussy-fucking

mature sluts



view Mature Lessons free video porn
where
Mature blonde and hot teeny suck dick and get a deep fucking down their pussies

chubby milf



view Mature Lessons hot videos
where
Guy fucks two horny cross-age pussies hard and lets both chicks share his facial

mature fucking



view Mature Lessons adult video
where
Guy gives mature redhead and sexy teeny great mouth fuck and pussy drilling

mature milf



view Mature Lessons homemade sex videos
where
Horny guy assfucking his two sexy lovers after they suck and ride his cock

fat milf



view Mature Lessons sex videos
where
Chubby slut and her teen tutee suck dick and fuck till their pussies get creamy

mature ass



view Mature Lessons amateur videos
where
Mature redhead and her 20 y.o. student get fucked and showered with cum on a sofa

mature porn



view Mature Lessons lactation video
where
Mature blonde teaches a couple of 20 y.o. students oral sex and deep fucking

busty milf



view Mature Lessons sex video
where
Mature blonde teaches inexperienced couple deep oral and anal fucking

mature fuck



view Mature Lessons amateur video
where
Slutty mature woman teaches lovely nubile couple home fucking on a red sofa

mature blowjob



view Mature Lessons free adult video
where
Mature sex teacher and her nubile student caress young fella\’s cock and get fucked

mature handjob



view Mature Lessons stripping videos
where
Redhead mature teaches sexy teen couple dildo games and threesome fucking

milf thumbs



view Mature Lessons free video
where
Lucky guy gets to nail two dripping pussies during a threesome sex lesson

older milf



view Mature Lessons sex videos
where
Teen chick and her horny boyfriend learn threesome sex from glamorous mature woman

mature milf



view Mature Lessons stripping videos
where
Sexy 20 y.o. couple learning sex techniques from cock-loving mature blonde

mature lingerie



view Mature Lessons home sex videos where
Nobody teaches teen couples sex better then this cum-loving mature slut

milf hunters



view Mature Lessons free adult video
where
Teen couple and their slutty mature teacher enjoy some hot threesome fucking during sex lesson

milf lessons



view Mature Lessons home made videos
where
Blonde MILF enjoys cock together with her sexy teen student during a threesome fucking lesson

milf cumshot



view Mature Lessons amateur sex videos
where
Teeny sucks her boyfriend\’s cock and licks mature woman\’s ass as the guy nails her doggystyle

old milf



view Mature Lessons free sex video
where
Hot MILF gives her teen student a killer blowjob and teaches his sexy girlfriend cockriding

milf fuck



view Mature Lessons sexy videos
where
Busty teeny and her horny boyfriend enjoy hot fucking with their beautiful mature sex teacher

mature housewives



view Mature Lessons free sex videos
where
Sex-starved mature cunt gets some deep drilling during a wild threesome sex lesson

mature fuck



view Mature Lessons lactation video
where
Horny young fella polishes mature and young pussies with his long meaty hose

mature pantyhose



view Mature Lessons free video
where
Naughty mature slut teaches sexy teen couple cockriding and cumshot appreciation

mature milf



view Mature Lessons milf videos
where
Aged slut and her teen student suck young fella\’s dick and get fucked like two filthy hoes

mature mom



view Mature Lessons sexy videos
where
Mature blonde teaches young gal oral sex and gets nailed doggystyle by her other student

chubby milf



view Mature Lessons video clip
where
Teeny and her aged sex teacher swallow cock craving for some horny hose sauce

amateur milf



view Mature Lessons adult videos
where
Elite slut and her teen heiress share cock and cum during a wild threesome lesson

naked mature women



view Mature Lessons free video
where
Aged redhead and her slutty 19 y.o. student master threesome fucking and share a cumshot

big tit milf



view Mature Lessons flash videos
where
18 y.o. blonde and her mature teacher lick their juices off guy\’s dick after some wild fucking

mature hairy



view Mature Lessons reality videos
where
Elite mature whore teaches her teen heiress the secrets of threesome fucking

hot mature



view Mature Lessons home videos
where
Mature redhead teaches teen cutie how to gag on cock and gets fucked with a long double-dong

mature pics



view Mature Lessons xxx videos
where
College student satisfies his girlfriend and her mature teacher fucking both sluts\’ brains out

older milf



view Mature Lessons free xxx videos
where
19 y.o. cutie and her horny mature teacher ride guy\’s cock and lock their lips on his dick head

mature porn



view Mature Lessons free adult video
where
Greedy mature teacher and her slutty teen student share 21 y.o. guy\’s rock hard cock

milf gallery



view Mature Lessons personal home videos
where
Mature blonde and her horny husband give cute teeny a great lesson of threesome fucking

mature housewives



view Mature Lessons home made videos
where
Two horny blondes a mature sex teacher and her teen student share guy\’s cock and cum

milf pictures



view Mature Lessons homemade sex videos
where
42 y.o. redhead is joined by nubile couple for some hot fucking and sextoying

brunette milf



view Mature Lessons home videos
where
Nubile chick and her sexy mature teacher share a guy for some threesome fucking

mature sluts



view Mature Lessons xxx video
where
Hot mature blonde and her seductive teen student get ass-fucked by girl\’s friend

mature blowjobs



view Mature Lessons adult videos
where
45 y.o. blonde joins a couple of her teen students to have some hardcore fun

milf cum



view Mature Lessons sexy videos
where
Teen kitten licks guy\’s shaft while her mature teacher locks her lips on his dick head

milf cumshot



view Mature Lessons homemade sex videos
where
Mature slut works a sextoy down her student\’s pussy while she gets guy\’s cock up her ass

mature amateur



view Mature Lessons free sex videos
where
Mature redhead sucks student\’s cock and gets her cunt dildo-fucked by slutty teen chick

mature cunt



view Mature Lessons adult video
where
Guy licks his mature blonde teacher\’s clit while his girlfriend rides his cock

mature moms



view Mature Lessons free porn videos
where
Mature redhead runs blowjob an anal penetration drill for inexperienced young couple

mature ladies



view Mature Lessons free adult video
where
Plump mature teacher joins lovely teen couple for some hardcore threesome fucking

hairy milf



view Mature Lessons sexy videos
where
Mature fatty gets a messy facial after some hot threesome fucking with horny teen couple

mature clips



view Mature Lessons home made videos
where
Hot brunette is joined by her mature sex-teacher for a threesome cock-sucking exercise

nude milf



view Mature Lessons free xxx videos
where
20 y.o. guy gets his cock licked and sucked by a couple of his sexy blonde teachers

hairy mature



view Mature Lessons amateur videos
where
Horny mature plumper runs through hardcore pussy pounding drill with her teen students

mature milfs



view Mature Lessons milf videos
where
Mature lesbian licks her teen students clit while fucking her pink slit with a sextoy

mature ass



view Mature Lessons hot videos
where
Lustful teen cutie and her mature sex-teacher caress hairy guys body and cock on a sofa

hot mature



view Mature Lessons video
where
Chubby mature lesbian gives a passionate pussy-licking lesson to her cute teen student

blonde milf



view Mature Lessons adult video
where
Swarthy college sophomore gets a killer blowjob from his sex-starved mature tutor

mature model



view Mature Lessons adult videos
where
Beautiful 35 y.o. woman gets her ripe pussy and clit licked by her 22 y.o. lover

mature lingerie



view Mature Lessons stripping videos
where
Guy gives petite teen and her fat mature teacher some nasty deep pussy pounding

mature mom



view Mature Lessons sex video
where
Mature slut and her 22 y.o. student take turns in riding horny fella\’s strong cock

mature nudes



view Mature Lessons amateur video
where
Chubby aged woman teaches young couple various positions for oral and vaginal sex

hairy mature



view Mature Lessons free xxx videos
where
Mature teacher and her teen student get their brains fucked out during a doggystyle drill

free mature porn



view Mature Lessons video clip
where
Plump sex teacher joins a couple of her young students for a hardcore fucking practice

free mature



view Mature Lessons home made videos
where
Mature plumper teaches her sexy young student cock riding and deep anal penetration

mature hairy pussy



view Mature Lessons lactation video
where
Mature redhead lets young couple lick and pound her ripe pussy during a sex lesson

milf seeker



view Mature Lessons free video
where
Chubby mature lady and her sex students practice doggystyle fuck and hot oral sex

mature milfs



view Mature Lessons lactation video
where
Mature fatty teaches her sexy young student how to reach orgasm while riding cock

bbw milf



view Mature Lessons home sex videos where
Skinny 18 y.o. chick and her plump mature teacher share young guy\’s meaty cock

milf mature



view Mature Lessons home made videos
where
19 y.o. babe masturbates while her chubby sex teacher enjoys her boyfriend\’s fat cock

milf thumbs



view Mature Lessons video clip
where
Chubby mature blonde and her 19 y.o. student reach orgasms riding young guy\’s cock

mature nude



view Mature Lessons sex videos
where
Guy gets his nuts licked by mature slut while his 19 y.o. girlfriend rides his cock

mature galleries



view Mature Lessons amateur video
where
Hot young couple gives their mature teacher a fucking of her life on their final exam

mature milfs



view Mature Lessons amateur sex videos
where
Blowjob, licking, pussy-pounding – this mature slut has taught her young students well

nude mature women



view Mature Lessons sex video
where
Hairy guy and his sexy teen girlfriend welcome mature woman for a nasty threesome

mature moms



view Mature Lessons sex video
where
Aged lady in black stockings teaches her sexual students extreme cock-riding

hairy mature



view Mature Lessons adult video
where
Experienced woman gives young couple a lesson of cock-sucking and pussy-pounding

free mature porn



view Mature Lessons home videos
where
Horny teen couple welcomes their mature sexual teacher to their wild hardcore games

nude mature



view Mature Lessons reality videos
where
Aged redhead joins young couple to give them a lesson of sucking and deep penetration

naked milf



view Mature Lessons free porn video
where
Horny young couple is joined by mature bi woman for some hot oral and vaginal action

horny milf



view Mature Lessons nude videos
where
Experienced woman invites young couple for a nasty hardcore fucking master-class

mature slut



view Mature Lessons free video
where
Guy gets blowjobs from teen hottie and huge mature woman before fucking fatty hard

mature orgy



view Mature Lessons video
where
Fat 50 y.o. woman shares horny young guy\’s cock with his sexy teen girlfriend

milf list



view Mature Lessons home made videos
where
Just married couple is joined by chubby granny for some intensive hardcore fucking

milf pics



view Mature Lessons personal home videos
where
Busty 40 y.o. woman and a couple of her lustful teenage students have fun on a bed

hairy milf



view Mature Lessons adult videos
where
Petite teen licks mature woman\’s tits while being fucked from behind by her boyfriend

mature nudes



view Mature Lessons sex video
where
Mature woman in seductive black stockings gets dirty with lustful teenage couple

busty mature



view Mature Lessons free video porn
where
Cubby mature blonde joins lovely teenage couple for a nasty threesome action

older milf



view Mature Lessons home sex videos where
Lovely teen babe and horny mature woman caress and ride young guy\’s meaty cock

milf pictures



view Mature Lessons nude videos
where
Mature fatty squeezes teen babe\’s ass and slams it down her boyfriend\’s hard cock

fat milf



view Mature Lessons personal home videos
where
Skillful 40 y.o. woman shows horny youngsters various ways to reach orgasm

milf anal



view Mature Lessons amateur videos
where
Experienced mature woman shows horny newly weds some nasty sexual techniques

mature milf



view Mature Lessons video
where
Mature bi redhead teaches young couple the art of blowjob and deep penetration

big tit milfs



view Mature Lessons sex video
where
Young couple learns the basics of threesome fucking from chubby mature lady

sexy milf



view Mature Lessons free adult videos
where
Horny mature slut joins young couple for some hardcore threesome action

free mature pics



view Mature Lessons stripping videos
where
Chubby mature lady teaches inexperienced couple new sexual positions and techniques

big tit milf



view Mature Lessons home sex videos where
Young couple gets a lesson of deepthroat sucking from blonde mature plumper

milf boobs



view Mature Lessons free sex video
where
Mature fatty in black stockings teaches horny couple the art of hardcore fucking

milf boobs



view Mature Lessons free videos
where
Horny young couple is joined by chubby mature lady for a wild threesome

mature bbw



view Mature Lessons free video porn
where
Superb bedroom hardcore frenzy with 18y.o girl blowing it extra hard

free mature pics



view Mature Lessons free porn video
where
Dirty threesome with a hot young couple and a nasty mature whore

naked mature



view Mature Lessons stripping videos
where
Horny stud with a big cock showering these 2 chicks with his frothy reward

milf pussy



view Mature Lessons milf videos
where
Young girl and mature woman showing no mercy for the young fellow\’s cock

mature gallery



view Mature Lessons personal home videos
where
Extra deep blowing from 40y.o woman and her teen friend

mature galleries



view Mature Lessons lactation video
where
Mature slut teaching this teenage couple the basics of hardcore fucking

milf creampie



view Mature Lessons free adult video
where
Nasty teen girl blowing the guy\’s cock with her plump mature friend

hairy milf



view Mature Lessons free video
where
Young horny guy fucking 2 girls of different ages in earnest with all he has

milf cumshot



view Mature Lessons free sex video
where
Young guy and a mature slut and her young lesbian apprentice in a threesome

sexy mature women



view Mature Lessons free video porn
where
To fuck as a reverse cowgirl is not hard with good teacher

milf seeker



view Mature Lessons free videos
where
Red-haired girl giving blowjob like a real pro with the tips of older teacher

amateur milf



view Mature Lessons homemade sex videos
where
Nasty whore never tired of giving sex lessons &participate in hardcore with teens

amateur milf



view Mature Lessons sexy videos
where
Young babe gets fantastic lessons of caressing his body with playful tongue

old milfs



view Mature Lessons personal home videos
where
Practice lessons of oral sex turn into kinky threesome hardcore

milf boobs



view Mature Lessons xxx videos
where
Mature woman teaching sweet teen how to suck dick in a right way

naked milf



view Mature Lessons homemade sex videos
where
Young whore getting experience from watching old granny giving head.

mature blowjob



view Mature Lessons free videos
where
Still horny old lady sharing her perfect sucking technique with teen babe

older milf



view Mature Lessons free sex video
where
Inexperienced teen couple getting sex lessons from mature whore in stocking

free mature



view Mature Lessons milf videos
where
Fat busty milf showing teen girl how to suck big mans dick & to muffdive

Big-titted blond milf spreads her pussy wide getting pounded by a young dick
Its essential to know what is inside many sponsor sites. We check ‘em all personaly and provide you with nice galleries like this one.

You might think masturbating at a job interview is way too much, even for a horny mature eager to get that position. But you know what, it’s our company’s policy to learn everything about a potential employee. Every single detail counts. And when it comes to masturbating, well, we wanna see if the candidate is really good at it! We were really lucky to get this mature lady to work with us. She was perfect at every assignment we had for her!

mature debutants pics gallery 25

9. Experienced pussies getting serious actions

mature debutants pics gallery 14

1. Mature ladies are beautiful in their own way

mature debutants pics gallery 17

8. Experienced women showing off their hardcore fucking & sucking talents

mature debutants pics gallery 24

There’s always something special about those mature babes who had previously worked as secretaries. They seem to be all that decent, but hey, here’s the deal: these babes are actually used to any assignment. And when we say: any-we really mean it! Just take a look at this horny slut. She fingered her cunt, sucked the interviewer’s dick and balls, and even let him cram his cock into her slit only to fill that vacancy!

mature debutants pics gallery 15

Nasty milf in black lingerie and sockings spreads wide getting a young cock
Press the link to enjoy the action!

During the daytime the streets were like that of a ghost town, as
everybody remained inside with shades closed to beat the heat.
Air-conditioners became the number one most stolen item in the city,
beating out televisions by a wide margin. It made sense of a sort, after
all, you don’t even need to get inside the house to steal one. Many a
homeowner returned from work in the evening to find a large hole in the
wall where the family’s most cherished appliance once rested and
subsequently broke down in tears. However, the chief of police had a sudden
brainstorm that guaranteed a quick end to this new and despicable crime
wave. He promptly instructed all four hospitals in the Willyville area to
inform the police of any emergency room cases involving hernias or slipped
discs. When the anxious media questoned the chief of police on this new
tactic, he simply replied that the results so far were “interesting”.

In other news, weather forcaster Bob Katt had been suspended for
appearing on his show wearing boxer shorts, a tie, and nothing else. It
seems the building’s air-conditioning system had been stolen the previous
night (an impressive feat in itself, considering that the compressor alone
weighed half a ton) and Bob had refused to work in a suit in the stifling
heat. So he had walked into the studio, dressed only in his skivvies, and
up in front of the camera before any of the stunned studio crew could even
think of stopping him. Of course, it would have been very bad form to yank
him off the camera, so they simply let him do his broadcast. Once he was
finished he was greeted by a purple faced station manager. Despite the
indian pressure groups, Bob was still very popular in Willyville, so he was
not fired on the spot.

Instead, the station manager sent him on a long overdue vacation…

Saturday dawned bright, clear, and warm (surprise, surprise!). Harold
was up with the sun, mostly because he hadn’t slept at all the previous
night. His stomach was a tight little knot and his heart would not stop
pounding. He was having second thoughts about the party. Harold Sykes had
never been a party animal, and recent… events… had convinced him that
he would be very wise to stay away from certain segments of the human race
(read: female) for a long time to come. In fact, now that he thought about
it, he was rather frightened of them. After all, if he couldn’t keep Cindi
happy, would he be able to keep any woman happy? And there would be lots of
girls there, probably all laughing at him. Why go?

Then he thought about his depression of the last couple weeks. Tom had
a point: right or wrong, he had to do something.

Tom came by at 2:30 and picked Harold up. As they drove over to
Squirrel Heights, Tom did most of the talking. Harold had lapsed into a
moody silence, soaking up Tom’s words and saying almost something in
return. If Tom noticed, he didn’t show it as he kept up a steady monologue
all the way to the house.

The Squirrel Heights Boarding house was a dumpy three story affair
sitting in front of about two acres of worn out farmland. The place was run
by an aging ex-stockbroker named Michael Wilburn, who believed in free
expression of everything and threw wild parties as often as the house’s
budget would allow. Some of the parties were solely for the house’s
inhabitants, but most of them were for whoever wanted to come. Booze and
most kinds of drugs generally circulated freely, and Harold had heard
rumors even more outrageous than that. All in all, it was pretty
intimidating to an introvert like Harold, and as he stepped out of Tom’s
car and looked at the peeling gray mass of the boarding house looming over
him, and the virtual sea of cars surrounding it, he knew he had made a
mistake. He as much as said so to Tom, who ignored him completely.

The affair was already in progress, as he discovered when Tom led him
around the back of the house. There must have been almost a hundred people
there, engaged in all manner of outdoor activities. People everywhere,
talking, yelling, running, horsing around, just generally having a good
time. A table had been set up by the back door, and there was somebody
serving booze and food to an endlessly regenerating queue.

Harold looked around and noticed that Tom had abandoned him and was
nowhere in sight. For an instant he almost panicked and yelled for Tom,
then his rational mind took over. What’s your problem? it said. You’re an
adult, you don’t need a keeper.

So Harold decided to walk around and see what he could see.

In one corner a net had been set up for a vollyball game. There was a
team on each side, if a pushing, laughing, staggering group of people could
be called a team. Harold stood off to one side with a small group of
spectators and watched. All of a sudden his attention had been captured by
one particular member of one team.

She wasn’t tall, maybe five seven or so, buxom, and maybe a few pounds
overweight. Which, as far as Harold was concerned, made her all the more
nicely rounded. Her hair was blonde and fell down past her shoulders. Her
face was pretty, but not spectacularly so. What had really caught Harold’s
attention was what she was wearing, or, more to the point, not wearing. She
was dressed in frayed cutoff jeans that were so tight they had split along
the sides halfway up her hips, and a string bikini top that struggled
valiantly to hold up under the weight of enormous breasts. Harold glanced
around and saw that she had the attention of pretty much every man in the
crowd.

His heart fluttered as he watched her move, and he couldn’t help but
wonder what it would be like to take her to bed. He imagined her long hair
spread out over the pillow, glimmering faintly in the moonlight, those
magnificent breasts moving in slow liquid motion as she arched her back in
sheer pleasure, her frenzied gasps as she reached a sudden and powerful
orgasm…

Harold shook his head to clear it. Get real, he told himself. Someone
like that certainly already has a boyfriend, and even if she didn’t, why
should she be interested in somebody like him? He turned around and began
to make his way back towards the house.

Sudden catcalls and whistles made him turn around again. She was
sitting on the grass, apparently having just fallen. When she landed, the
overburdened top string of her bikini had given way, exposing her for all
the world to see.

He could not help but stare. Her nipples stood out hard, the aurioles
colored light rose pink. He ached to take them in his mouth, to feel their
soft but firm weight in his hands. Then he looked up and saw she was
staring directly at him.

He locked eyes with her and suddenly his face turned beet red. Why, he
didn’t know, because surely every other male here was staring and thinking
the same thoughts. She made no move to cover herself, she just sat there,
challenging him with her gaze.

Finally, Harold turned and pushed his way through the crowd. His heart
was pounding in his ears and his balls, denied their release, ached
miserably. He still had a raging hard-on and kept his hands in his pockets
to conceal it. He felt sick, and ashamed. And he wanted to leave this
instant.

But that stare kept coming back to him. On reflection, he felt there
was more than just a challenge in her eyes. What, he didn’t know, but he
somehow knew it. It was almost as if a spark had passed between them.
Undoubtedly it was just his overworked imagination, but…

He felt as if she wanted him, too.

Day gave way to night, as days usually do, and slowly Willyville began
to cool off. People moved out of their stifling houses (except for those
who hadn’t had their air-conditioning stolen yet) and into their back
yards. They brought TV trays, TV’s, barbecues, bedrolls, and just generally
prepared to enjoy the night in relative coolness.

All over Willyville the night was alive with the sound of voices,
televisions, stereos, lustful moans and the other noises of humans enjoying
themselves outdoors. With one exception. In Squirrel Heights, all was
quiet. The place seemed deserted, in fact. Virtually all human life in the
area had gravitated to one spot. At the Squirrel Heights boarding house,
when night fell, the real party began…

Harold Sykes hadn’t left the party like he planned, although he came
awful damn close to doing so when he spotted Cindi in the crowd. But, in
the end, the thought of going back to his lonely, empty, stuffy house was
just too much. So instead he wandered around the yard, just watching the
extraordinary panorama of human activity taking place before him.

Eventually he found a peaceful spot on the back porch where he just
sat and watched the sun set. Tom came by and asked him how he was doing.

“Better.” sighed Harold, “I really feel better.”

Tom gave him a wink. “You may be feeling better than that before the
night’s over, old buddy.” and sauntered off before Harold could say
anything.

Now what was that supposed to mean?

As it got dark, the party outside thinned out. A few left, spinning
their wheels in the gravel lot out front, but most just went inside the
house. Probably gonna booze it up good, Harold thought, Although it looked
to him like they had been boozing more than adequetely already. Harold
didn’t feel like drinking very much, especially after his binge the other
day. Drugs didn’t hold much of an attraction for him, either. Just sitting
there, alone with his thoughts, seemed to do quite a bit for him.

Eventually he awoke from his musings and was startled to find he was
alone. With a sigh he got up and went in through the back door.

The back hallway was unlit. There was the low murmur of voices and
music coming from somewhere ahead. He could make out dim light from around
a corner in the distance. Cautiously he made his way down the hallway,
hoping nothing solid was in the way of his shins.

Eventually he made his way to the light, and when he turned the corner
he recieved the shock of his life.

The front room was spacious and poorly lit. But the light was more
than adequete for Harold to see what was going on. There was about twenty
to thirty people sprawled about the room, all naked, contorted in every
kind of sexual position imaginable. And a couple that weren’t imaginable.

Harold could only stare dumbly. The floor was almost lost amongst the
moving, writhing bodies. There were six people on the couch, in some
bizarre group contortion that made them look like something from another
planet. One man sat moaning softly in an easy chair with a hard-on that
Harold would have sworn was twelve inches long, at least. He watched in
total amazement as all twelve inches dissappeared into the mouth of the
co-ed sitting on the floor between the man’s feet.

The blonde he had seen earlier was conspicuously absent.

He heard creaking above him, and he looked up. In the rafters, some
twelve feet above, a rope and pully setup had been arranged with a large
wicker basket. Three people were in the basket, which swung back and forth
alarmingly. Harold quickly moved several feet over, out from under the
setup.

His head was spinning. His experience with sex had always been
limited, and now he was confronted with a full-fledged orgy. It was too
much. He didn’t want any part of this. All he wanted was out.
Watching his step carefully, he made his way for the nearest door. He
was almost there when he saw the one thing he *knew* he didn’t want to
see.

There was a clear spot at the far end of the room. Only two people
were there, a man flat on his back with a woman sitting astride his hips,
moving up and down in sensuous rhythem. He didn’t know who the guy was but
he knew the girl. Cindi. Pain that had been mercifully submerged now rose
to stab arrowlike into his guts. Cindi turned her head at that instant and
their eyes met. Instant recognition and something spiteful and unpleasant
glittered in her eyes for a brief second, and then she turned her attention
back to what she was doing. Her movements became more frantic, and her
moans much louder, exaggerating as much as possible.

Her parting words rang in his mind: “I want a man, dammit!” Well,
fine. All Harold wanted was out. He averted his eyes and ran blindly
towards the closest exit. He stumbled over one couple on the way (startling
them into a premature orgasm) and mumbled apologies as he kept going.

Then he was in a hallway, but not the one he had come from. Doors
lined the hall on both sides. He grabbed one and pulled it open, only to be
rewarded with several outraged yells. Redfaced and near tears from
embarassment, he pulled the door shut and looked around desperately. And
empty room, anything, just so he could get out of sight and get his
thoughts together. If he didn’t do it quick, he feared he might lost his
mind. He had to get away, somehow!

There, at the end of the hall. An open door, the room dark within. He
paused at the doorway for a second, but could detect no movement within.
Empty, thank God! He slammed the door shut behind him and let the blackness
envelop him as he sank to the floor with a hoarse sob. He lay in a heap for
who knew how long before he finally calmed down.

His heart gave a sudden leap as he somehow realized, in the total
darkness, that that the room wasn’t empty after all. After a long moment,
he finally summoned up a weak voice. “Who’s there?”

There was a longer silence, and he almost began to hope he was alone
after all, when a soft voice answered “Are you all right?”

Fuck NO! I ain’t all right, you stupid… But Harold controlled
himself before replying, “I will be, eventually. In about fifty years or
so.” He hesitated before the next question, “Are you, um, alone?”

“Yeah.” she replied, “I just wanted to be by myself. I kinda outgrew
the scene out front a long time ago. All the interesting guys already have
somebody. There was one guy, but I think he went home or something.”

Harold got up, a little unsteadily “I’m sorry. Sorry I barged in on
you. I’ll leave now.”

“Please, don’t.” she said, “Unless you really need to. I think we
could both use someone to talk to.”

Harold sat back down against the wall with a weary sigh. “Sure, why
not?” After a silent moment, he continued, “Would you mind turning on a
light? I’d like to see who I’m talking to.”

“Well,” she began doubtfully, “you may feel more comfortable without
the light, but if you insist…” There was a click and a flare of light
exploded into his eyes, blinding him momentarily. When he could open his
eyes, he recieved the last shock of a very long day.

Standing by a lamp on the dresser was the blonde from the vollyball
game, still dressed in the frayed shorts but minus the bikini top, which
lay discarded on the bed. She had her eyes screwed shut against the light,
opening them a moment later.

“Oh! It’s you!”

11. Mature ladies work hard with both their brains and mouths

mature debutants pics gallery 7

moms deepthroat sample vids 33
Pretty blond mom demonstrating her impressive blowjob skills on a hard jizzloader
when I first saw those babes I drop my load on them.

Cock sucking is one of the must-have skills for our potential employees. Didn’t you know? It’s a crucial key to understanding the personality of the person you’re going to work with! We figured this mature gal would be a real asset to our company, judging by the ways she sucked on the boss’s cock! Hardworking staff is just what we need for company development!

mature debutants pics gallery 18

hairy old snatch sample vids 16
White mom gobbles a big ebony dick then gets her hairy snatch penetrated hard
Free porn pictures are here

7 moms on camera movie gallery
Hot mature lady in red sucks big younger cock before fucking
If you press the link from this gallery you migh be able to get special discount or access more sites…

That night when I got back to my apartment I couldn’t keep Rose’s vision
out of my head and soon found myself with a first class hard-on from thinking
about what I would do with her if I had her alone. I decided that I would call
the next day to get to know her better.

When I dialed the phone I felt my heart pound with anticipation as the
phone rang the first time.
“Hi Soft and Creamy number 21, this is Rose speaking.” came the softly
spoken words “…may I help you?”.
Trying not to get tongue tied I replied ” Hi Rose, this is Dickie from the
Real Estate Office. If it wouldn’t be too inconvenient I’d like to drop by and
take a look at the store and the operation so I can discuss it with my client.”
Actually there was a lot more that I wanted to take a look at but that would
come soon enough.
“Hi Dickie!” There semed to be a hint of excitement in her voice. “You
couldn’t have picked a better time. The store doesn,t open for another hour
and a half today and it will give me a chance to give you the Cook’s Tour. When
can I expect you?”, she said.
“Give me about fifteen minutes.” I replied, knowing full well that I could
be there in half that time…and intended to be.
“OK. I’ll be waiting to let you in.”
We hung up and I went into the bathroom to check myself out. Quite
satisfied that what I saw in the mirror was as good as it was going to get I
walked out to my car and headed for her store. When I got there and approached
the door I saw her standing inside back by one of the machines. She looked even
more fuckable today than she did yesterday. I tried the door and realized it was
locked so I rapped on the glass with my ring. She heard and came to the door to
let me in. As she approached the door I could see a big smile on her face and
decided that this could be good.
“Come in.” she said as she held the door for me to walk past her.
“Thanks…” I said, getting a whiff of her perfume as I walked in the door.
“…now your sure I’m not taking you away from anything?”
“Not at all, in fact I was hoping you’d call. I really wanted to show off
what I have to offer.” There was a noticable twinkle in her eye.
She locked the door and invited me to come into her office at the back of
store.
“It’s kind of like a home away from home.” she said.
“You see, the store is open from 11:00 am to 10:00 pm and I usually have to
stay late to finish up at night.”
“Those are long hours.” I said. “does it pay off?”
“Yes I guess it does.” she responded. “You see this is my husband’s and my
business, but he works as a manager for a restaurant in Parsippany and when
he gets home at about 5:00 at night he’s too tired to come and help.”
I sensed a note of sarcasm in her voice and decided not to press the issue. She
went on anyway and in about fifteen minutes I had a capsulated history of their
marriage and what was wrong with it.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “I guess I get lonely. There’s really noone here to
carry on a normal conversation with most of the time.”
Not being one to mince words I just asked her outright. “Why don’t you find
a lover? Seems to me that might make you feel like a person again. You really
are quite sexy and attractive.”
She looked at me as if I had just plunged a knife into her heart and in a
matter of fact voice said, “Well, you tell me, would you fuck me.”
“Baby,” I replied “Only an asshole or a eunoch would say no to that.”
I stood up and moved around the desk. Taking her in my arms a kissing her full
on the lips.
“This isn’t right,” she said pulling away from me. “I don’t even know you
and I’m acting like a whore in front of you.”
“No,” I said, trying to soften the blow of what I had just done. “You just
need a man and all that goes along with him.”
I moved in once again. This time I found little resistance and as I put my
lips on hers her mouth opened to greet my probing tongue. I stroked my hands up
and down her back and slowly undid the zipper to her uniform. As I pulled it off
of her shoulders her tits sprang out to savor their freedom. I caressed them
with my hands while I used my fingers to tweak her nipples. She moaned from low
in her throat as I rolled and pulled on them with my anxious fingertips.
“Suck on them.” she implored. “Suck on them now.”
I bent my head and tok as much of her right tit into my mouth as I possibly
could. At the same time I sucked I used my tongue to flick the nipple that was
buried deep in my mouth. The smell of her perfume was like some sort of trigger.
My cock began to grow in my pants and I took her hand and put it on my crotch.
It was obvious that she knew exactly what to do. She cupped her hand and began a
slow circular rubbing of my now hard cock. I moved to the other tit and began to
give it the same attention that I had given to the first. I dropped a hand to
her crotch and began to rub her pussy in the same manner that she was rubbing my
cock.
“Take your dress off I want to see you naked in front of me.” I said as I
pulled the dress down around her hips. She wriggled and freed herself of the
dress and reached out and undid my pants, pulled them to my knees and pulled my
underwear off. We each stepped out of the remainder of our clothes. Her tits
glistened with my saliva. Her pussy was covered with a soft shadowy down of
blonde hair and her pussy lips were dark pink and already begining to get wet.
“I want to lick your pussy.” I said. “I want to smell you and taste you.”
I dropped to my knees, reached around behind her and took the firm cheeks of her
ass in my hands, I spread them with two fingers as I pushed a third against her
tight asshole. She moaned again and pusshed her pussy toward my waiting mouth.
I darted my tongue out and flicked at her waiting pussy lips. I poked harder and
deeper until I could feel her clit. I continued to poke and lick. Her juices
were starting to flow and I could taste her honeysweet snatch as I probed more
and more.
She was moaning loudly now. “Yesss… Eat me… Eat me hard… Lick my
cunt!”
As I sucked harder and harder on her now swollen clit I felt her begin to
shudder. I backed of just long enough to say, “Cum in my mouth baby, let me
taste it.”
All the time I licked and sucked she had been playing with her tits and now
she dropped her hands down to her pussy stuck them deep between her legs
and spread herself open. My tongue, now beginning to tire was aching but I kept
going.
She shook violently now, her breath coming in short sharp gasps.
“OH GOD!!…II’M CCUMMING!!” she stuttered. “OOO…MY CUNT…SSUCK IT…”
she screamed. “PLEASE I HAVE TO HAVE YOUR COCK IN MY MOUTH!”
In on one motion I stood up and pushed her to her knees. I grabbed the back
of her head and drove my rod deep down her throat. Hungrily she tongued, sucked
and tried to swallow my cock. I began to thrust my hips at her waiting mouth as
she continued to suck. It was an unbelievable sensation.
I felt balls begin to tighten and felt the tingling in my groin that told
me I was about to cum but I couldn’t stop fucking her incredible mouth. I picked
up speed and as if she knew what was about to happen she stopped sucking and let
my cock fall from her mouth.
“You can’t cum yet,” she said, the saliva from her wet mouth dribbling down
her chin, “I have to feel that meat in my pussy.”
She lifted herself onto the edge of her desk and leaned back on her elbows.
she lifted her legs high in the air and spread them as wide as they would go. I
could see her juices oozing from her snatch, which by this time was dark red
with excitement. I moved in and grabbing her ankles to hold her wide open slid
my cock in to the hilt in one stroke. It was hot and slippery as I began to fuck
her with all my might. She reached her hands down and to my surprise put two of
her fingers into her cunt along with my cock. I couldn’t hold off any longer.
With one last shove I drove my cock as deep in her as I could get it and came
like I hadn’t cum before. My cock pulsed jet after jet of cum deep in her snatch
as she continued to fuck herself with the two fingers that shared the space with
me. I knew she was about to cum again as I felt the walls of her cunt squeeze
around my shaft. “UGH…UGH…OH MY CUNT!…FEEL MY CUNT!” she grunted and
screamed as she reached her orgasm.
She relaxed as her orgasm subsided and I let go of her. She took the two
fingers out of her pussy and slipped them into her mouth. She sucked the mixture
of our juices off and looked up at me. “God Dickie, that was fantastic” she
said. “But I have to get up and open the store.” We got up and she got an apron
out that she used while working. We wiped ourselves up and dressed.
As I was leaving she said, “If you come back at 10:00 tonight I’ll show you
how much better I can take it in my asshole, I love to be ass fucked.” I agreed
to be back, and by the way she really did like being cornholed, but that’s
another story.

“Smell…you could smell me because I was in the room when

it was happening.”

“Bullshit! Bullshit!”

“I was there to make sure nothing went wrong; to make sure he

didn’t mess with you.”

“You were in the room all those times? Then if you’re not a

rapist you’re a goddam voyeuristic creep! But it was you; I know it

was you, and I’m calling the goddam cops on you, you fucking rapist

loser.”

She hung up the phone. I dug the bottle of bourbon out of my

closet, drank half a glass, then walked slowly to her dorm room. A

sheet of lined paper was tacked to her door with large, sloppy letters

commanding, “Go Away!”

I stared at the note for about half a minute, then walked

back to my room.

* * *

The next morning I found a note from her slipped under my

door:

“Dear Creep — I just wanted you to be fully aware of how

much you fucked up my life and ruined my sense of self-esteem.

You have made my sex life the subject of grotesque rumors all over

campus; you have made my vagina public intellectual property. Every

moment that I endure this hellish existence, the knowledge of

how you cheapened and hurt me grows stronger, more painful, like a

cancer devouring my conscience. You horrify me. Your former friend,

Jeanine. PS: Rotting in hell for eternity would be far, far too

gentle a fate for you. PPS: Don’t ever talk to me again.”

* * *

Peggy told me that Jeanine had initiated a series of telephone

sessions with a psychic in order to figure out who the guy was.

“Madame Horowitz is really a fantastic woman. Really empowered

by the purity of nature and the spirit earth. She lives in Los Angeles,

reads Tarot cards, tea leaves, astrology charts, palms, crystal balls.

Actually I think it’s all nonsense. Expensive nonsense. But Jeanine’s

pretty desperate.”

“She’s threatened to go to the cops,” I said.

“I know. But I think she’s afraid of her parents getting

involved. Her program of rigorous debauchery has given her a profound

sense of guilt.”

“She’s not so bad. Not nearly as bad as she wants to be.”

“She says the feeling of having fucked someone she can’t

identify by name or sight or anything else robs her of the feeling of

sexual accomplishment and makes her feel deeply violated.”

“She really enjoyed it for a while. She told me she was in

love with the guy.”

“Sounds like a normal relationship, the way her attitude

changed so drastically.”

“If she’d just screwed some guy at a bar she wouldn’t really

know much more about him than she knows about her Invisible Man. Not

really.”

“Yeah. Welcome to blind labyrinth of human sexuality. Here’s

a cast for your heart.”

Peggy stared at me, beaming with joyous sarcasm, her features

bearing a sinister slant. I wanted very much to kiss her.

* * *

Jeanine began wearing hats, sunglasses, and clothing made from

hemp. She changed her hair: once the color of maple syrup penetrated by

sunlight, she dyed it jet black. I sometimes saw her striding quickly

down corridors with a kleenex held over her mouth and nose. She stopped

painting her nails and wearing make-up. She stopped eating in the

cafeteria, preferring dried fruit and nuts she purchased from an

organic mail-order company. She stopped saying “Hi,” “How are you,”

or “What’s up,” but instead leapt instantly into the substance of the

few conversations she found necessary to have. She stopped inviting

people into her dorm room.

“She says she’s very chemically sensitive,” Peggy said while

we ate spaghetti with clam sauce at the cafeteria. “She threw away her

microwave, dumped her television, and now she’s trying to get rid of

everything made of plastic. She’s disciplining her environment.”

“What’s wrong with plastic?”

“She doesn’t ride in cars anymore.”

“What’s wrong with cars?”

“The fumes disrupt her bodily equilibrium. And plastics, she

thinks they emit toxic waves that distort her thoughts. She considers

it a form of chemical rape. She only listens to chants, and writes

everything in runes.”

“Does she ever talk about that guy anymore?”

“She doesn’t think that men are psychically evolved enough to

register in her world.”

“Does she still want to know who it was?”

“She claims she’s still a virgin, and plans to stay that

way.”

“Jesus Christ. She’s delusional.”

“She thinks people shape their own reality. What you decide,

what you focus on, that’s what’s real.”

* * *

About two weeks later Peggy discovered that Jeanine was

pregnant. Jeanine still denied having had intercourse, believing

instead that she had been procreatively enslaved by environmentally

reckless corporations.

“You’re not going to believe this,” Peggy said with an air

of investigative triumph, “But she thinks that toxic emissions from

the paint on her walls triggered spontaneous life-formation in her

uterus.”

“What’s hard to believe about that?”

“I’m serious. She said that.”

“Her walls are blue and green and red. Paisely slop she

threw up when she was going through her hippy thing. Does she think the

baby will be paisely-colored?”

“Christ, Bobby, I don’t know what she’s going to do. I asked

if I could take her in for an abortion, but she hasn’t gotten

permission from the foetus’ spirit yet.”

“If she doesn’t abort it, is she going to insist that the paint

company marry her?”

* * *

Shortly after Peggy persuaded her to get an abortion,

Jeanine escaped the narrow definition of “human being.” Humans were

creatures of wreckage, exploitation, environmental poisoning. She had

become part of the earth, a silent, passive, but resilient force

that adjusts to each new vile liberty people take with it. She had lain

on her bed blindfolded like a pristine grassy hill tunneled into by

callous metal miners, helplessly allowing, torn open, subjugated.

Ultimately, like the earth being stripped of its minerals, she lost her

child, but eventually endured the awful loss with an amnesiac

forgiveness. She seemed not to realize that any of it happened.

Events came to completion, but the play of natural forces went on.

In the months before I graduated I saw her regularly in the

agriculture department buildings, entering the greenhouses,

transporting tools and pushing wheelbarrows of soil and fertilizer.

She was learning the creativity of the earth.

One afternoon I saw her chatting with Paul outside a lecture

hall. She was gesturing excitedly as he smiled and nodded. I watched

from a cautious distance, half-shielded in a doorway, wondering if at

some level, perhaps unconsciously, she realized that he was the man who

had made love to her and impregnated her. After about three minutes

they walked to one of the campus coffee shops. I kept staring at the

shop they’d gone into, wondering about the quality of their interaction

with each other, the emotional atmosphere of their togetherness. And I

was consumed with sadness for her.

I walked to her dorm room. Standing in the corridor, I tore

a blank page from one of my binders, scribbled a brief note to her,

then slipped it under her door:

Placement position : XXX Reviews >> Amateurs

Please visit aslo :

Video Seekers / Bimbo Wives / Porn Wannabe / Never Shot / Fresh Auditions / Naughty Amateur / Amateur Pie /

Title : Bimbo Wives Site Reviews

Hot amateur babes some of them older than 40. Nasty and dickhardening porn pictures of naughty wives show their own sexual ways

PLEASE JOIN “Bimbo Wives” RIGHT NOW!

Prepared for what, I wondered. “Oh, that’s OK. I brought the

Four by Four.”

“You’re taking me to dinner and a dance in a TRUCK?” she asked

in fake horror.

Laying my hand on my chest, I asked in mock indignation, “Moi?

Did you think I was so crass? Me? Of course not! I borrowed a *van*.”

I knew what she thought of vans . . . that they were thinly disguised

make- out vehicles, employed mainly by the underclass . . . whoever they

were.

She squeaked, “A *van*?” and then laughed. “Oh well, mothers

will do anything for . . .”

“Kidding! Just kidding, Mom. Actually, I borrowed a friend’s

Mercedes sedan . . . the kind you like . . . you know, long, sleek, and very

conservative.”

“A Mercedes? For me? You must really *want* something, eh?”

I thought, “Little do you know Mom. I want to get into your

pants.” But what I *said* was, “Just to be with you, Mom, that’s all I

want,” and gave her one of those shit-eating grins that gives evidence to

the lie.

The business of picking up her two sizable suitcases occupied us for

the next little while and it wasn’t until we were driving away from the

airport, ensconced in the warmth of the big Bronco and listening to some

soft jazz that I was able to fully appreciate her being there.

I drove over to the old river road, longer but a more scenic, more

romantic route.

“Thought I might take you right home, give you the chance to take

a nap and then clean up before going out to dinner tonight. That sound

alright?”

“Don’t *leave* me. Stick around, won’t you? I came this far to

spend some time with you. I can nap anytime.”

“Don’t worry, lady. You won’t be able to get rid of me,” I

promised, laying the palm of my hand on her knee, aware of the silky soft

skin on the inside of her thigh.

She laid her hand on mine and squeezed it, saying, “I think I like

dating you.”

In short order we were home and the Bronco was unloaded, her

bags placed in my room. We chatted non-stop as I watched her move

about my room, making room for her things. I knew it was her custom to

get out of her traveling clothes straight away, so I stuck around to see what

might unfold.

As I’d hoped, she began to undress, tossing things here and there,

commenting on news from back home, requiring no more from me than an

occasional affirming grunt. When she was down to her bra and panties, she

pulled her robe from a suitcase and, turning her back, unhooked and

dropped her bra and in almost the same motion, slipped into her robe.

Still with her back to me, the robe hanging open, I could see her

hook her thumbs into the panties’ waist band and pull them down and then

off, tossing them carelessly on the bed just a short distance from me. I

stared at them, brief and rumpled, imagining that they were warm and

scented by her. I was dying to pick them up and hold them to my face.

When I pulled my eyes from her panties and looked at her, I noticed

that she had seen where my eyes were. She looked away, as if to relieve

me of the embarrassment I might feel, and I thought I detected the

beginnings of a faint smile.

She turned and walked into the bathroom, saying, “Just a minute.”

…End of the part8. To be continued..

that sounds odd, that a mother and her son would become more relaxed

with each other, but that’s exactly what happened. I think that there has

always been some male-female sexual tension in our culture, mostly buried

and not honored, but certainly operative. And as with many things, we

aren’t aware of them until they go away. It’s their absence that highlights

their former presence. In that fashion, I was very aware that many of our

defenses had been lowered.

——————————————————————–

Some months later when I’d been away at school for what seemed

like too long a time, I called my mother just to chat. We never said

anything blatant, but there always seemed to be a kidding undertone to our

conversations, subtly skirting around sexual things. One day she upped the

ante. “So, getting any?” she asked.

I was stunned. Was she reading my mind?

“No, dammit. You?” I was taking a chance here and I knew it. I’d

been distantly aware that in the last little while, even when my father was

home, that they were not connecting, my mom and dad. You can’t be that

close to someone and not be aware of those charged emotional states, even

when they’re never discussed. Mom, I knew, was frustrated, but we didn’t

talk about it. As I said, she never complained.

“No,” she answered, and then quickly added, “but we’re not talking

about me. What’s happening with *you* these days?”

I was used to her fending me off in this fashion and hardly paid it

any attention. The fact of my emotional state was that I was lonely. I

missed my mom. And oh, yes . . . I was horny. I decided to act out on a

new fantasy. I asked her for a date, a mother-son date.

“Mom, I miss you and knowing I won’t get back home for a couple

of months, it makes it worse. So I was wondering, would you come up

and visit me? We’re having a little dance here and I don’t know anyone.

You wouldn’t have to stay in a hotel or anything. I’ve got a pull-out

couch; I’ll use that and you could use my room. Will you let me take you

to dinner and then the dance?”

She made I’m-thinking-about-it noises and then said, “Well . . . I’m

not sure about the dancing part. I’ve danced with you – or tried to – before

and it’s something about two left feet . . .” and then she laughed.

“Mom! Come on, will you? I’m not that bad,” knowing that I

really was that bad.

“Alright, alright. I miss you too and I’m a little lonely myself. I

miss our talks. It’s be nice to have dinner and re-connect with you.

When’s the dance?”

“Two weeks . . . the weekend after next. Can make it?”

“Sure. Will you pick me up at the airport? I dread tying to get a

bus or a taxi.”

We made the arrangements and just before hanging up, I blurted

out, “Mom, I love you and I can’t wait to see you. Gosh, a real date!”

——————————————————————–

In retrospect, I can see that I’d been sexually attracted to my

mother for a long time, but initially too inhibited to admit it to myself.

With the pealing of that layer of my denial, I came to accept the intense

sexual feelings I had for her, but continued to deny that I expected or even

wanted to seduce her.

Another uncomfortable foray into self honesty brought me to that

point where I knew I *wanted* to be sexually intimate with her, but

realistically, didn’t imagine I ever could. After years of viewing her on

…End of the part6. To be continued..

“Doin’ OK, Mom,” I replied, trying to sound cool and collected

when I was anything but. “You like to play some tennis?”

“Love to,” she replied. “Now?”

“Sure, now.”

“OK,” she tossed over her shoulder as she walked to a tall chest of

drawers and picked out a pair of small white cotton panties. I’d become

aware of what undergarments she wore for what occasions and white

cotton were for sports.

Her robe was clingy, hugging her body and buttocks. I was acutely

aware of her prominent nipples and the swell of her rounded mons as she

faced my direction. Then, glancing directly at me for a moment, she turned

away and, unbelting the robe, she stepped into the panties, pulling them up

firmly into her crotch, snapping the elastic. It took no more than brief

seconds, but time seemed to slow down and she moved in slow motion.

She was standing in front of a large, south-facing slider window,

and intensely back lit. The sheerness of her robe allowed the bright sun to

highlight her body silhouette and I could see her remarkably well through

the translucent robe. I gazed in rapt awe at the long-legged outline of her

figure, the shadow of a full breast swinging forward as she bent to step into

her panties. I thought of ripe fruit.

Suddenly it was very still in the room. I think I was holding my

breath. Was she really aware of me there? Did she know what I was

seeing? I knew her as too quick and too smart to be unaware of how she

looked. Were we slowly escalating to a new level of intimacy? And if so,

could I ever acknowledge it?

As she pulled the robe away from her body for a moment, I caught

no more than a flash of one rounded hip and thigh and it thrilled me. From

a lower drawer, she pulled out a pair of white tennis shorts and employing

the same visual screen of her robe, pulled them on, again pulling them tight

into her crotch. In my mind’s eye. I could see her puffy mons

In a moment, I became aware that my dick was swelling and caught

down the leg of my shorts, feeling bent and painful. Before she looked

back, I adjusted myself.

Now what? I knew she kept her bras and shirts in the same chest of

drawers. Would she select them and go into her closet, or even into her

bathroom to don them? I watched as she picked out a brief white cotton

bra and a white T-shirt. Again, she glanced at me, and then shrugging her

shoulders as if to say, “Oh, the heck with it,” she turned away, let her robe

drop to the floor where it pooled at her feet. She quickly put her bra on,

hooking it in the back with a nimble facility that comes as the result of long

practice. Magicians, I think, have the same facility.

I saw, perhaps as never before, how narrow her waist was and how

beautifully full her hips were under her long and delicately curved back. It

was more pronounced and exaggerated by all that flesh! It took but

seconds to don her bra, but it wasn’t quick enough, for I snapped a mental

picture of a back and side view of her full breast before it disappeared. Yet

another lurch in my groin. I was a goner.

She looked back. I smiled, wanting her to know that I had seen

her, but not wanting to act snide or smart ass. “Nice,” I said.

She returned the smile and turned toward me as she was pulling the

T-shirt over her head. Again, for a brief moment, I saw her en face,

appreciating how skimpy the bra was and how much of her breast simply

appeared to ride as much above of the cup as in it.

I don’t recall who won at tennis that day. What I do recall is the

moment of watching her bend over, nude under her robe, and lifting one

foot, place it into the leg hole of those white cotton panties. Later, looking

at the panty line under her shorts, I thought to myself, “I’ve *got* to see

more of her.”

…End of the part5. To be continued..

Six or seven months later towards the end of fall and the beginning
of winter, I was driving on the freeway back to my apartment when I
heard a car beeping it’s horn in the lane to my right. I turned to
look only to see Kim’s smiling face looking back at me from her new
Sunbird (working for an auto company has some advantages). She waved
at me and I smiled and waved back figuring that it would be it would
be impolite to flip her the bird and mouth the phrase “Eat shit and
die bitch!”. About fifteen minutes or so after I arrived back at my
apartment the phone rang and I answered it expecting it to be for one
of my four roommates (while Kim had gone and gotten a job that paid
big bucks, I went to grad school. Big mistake). When I picked it up I
heard that oh so familiar voice, Kim.

“Hi, Dave. When I saw you on the freeway I realized that I hadn’t seen
you in a while so I thought I’d call and see how you’re doing.”

“Oh, not too bad, how about you?”

…..

This mundane sort of drivel went on for a few minutes while I was
tried to figure out what the point of all this was. Eventually the
point became that she “kinda” missed me and would I like to go out
again. Being that I was bored and had no better prospects for that
coming Saturday I said “sure thing”, and told her I would pick her up
at 7:00 and we could go out for a nice dinner. Saturday came and that
afternoon I got another phone call from Kim.

“Would it be all right if we went to my friend’s house instead of
dinner? I haven’t seen her in a long time.”

“No problem.” (I was way too nice in those days).

Now I was starting to get some bad feelings about this. As they
say, it was deja vu all over again. We went to the party and the only
thing interesting that came out of it was that when I was talking to
some of Kim’s friends from college (since Kim had left me to myself
most of the night), I found out that she had seen them about as much
as she saw me. She had been a very bad girl. So far the night was a
total waste so I was hoping I could salvage something from it later on
when we got back to her apartment (her roommate was gone so I didn’t
have to worry about any interruptions). When we arrived, I turned the
lights down low, put the stereo on an appropriate station and uncorked
a bottle of wine I had brought for just this sort of situation. She
poured a couple of glasses and we sat down on the couch for what I
hoped would be some serious passion. Soon my tongue was intertwined
with hers and my fingers were doing a nimble dance across her right
breast.

“Ahh,” I thought, “just like old times”.

I managed to get her shirt untucked and started slowly sliding my
hand up the front when I felt her hand gently push mine away.

“Arrrrrrgh,” I screamed to myself, “just like old times.”

I could see that this was going nowhere fast and decided to bail
out while I still had my sanity. The whole night was a waste and now I
was pissed. I mean, I could have stayed home and watched the WWF
championship grudge match or something equally culturally
enlightening. Anything would have would have been more fun than this.

“My, look at the time. I think I better get going.”

“Wait, why are you leaving?”

“You haven’t changed at all and it will be just as much of a waste
of my time to go out with you now as it was the last time.”

She looked slightly puzzled.

“How should I change?”

With that statement I felt my evil twin stir inside me. I really
couldn’t have cared less if I ever saw this bitch again so there was
no point in being polite about it.

“You can start by taking off your shirt.”

“What!?!?!”

“Take off your shirt or I’m ‘otta here.”

“No! What do you think I am?”

“An anal retentive little bitch. But that’s beside the point. See
ya. Have a nice life.”

By that time I had my shoes tied and I headed for the door.

“Wait.”

I turned. Kim just stood there looking nervous and more that a bit
scared. I stood there, looked at her for a few seconds then raised my
eyebrows and said,

“Well?”

Slowly, she raised her had to the top button of her blouse and
unbuttoning it with exquisite slowness. She did it that way because
her hands were trembling and she was unsure of what she was doing, but
it looked like a classic strip tease. My evil twin stirred again along
with my dick (they are closely related). Now things were looking up.
Maybe this evening wouldn’t be a waste after all. She finished undoing
all the buttons and slipped the blouse off her shoulders. Then she
just stood there, arms at her side holding the blouse in one hand. She
had on a plain white bra (I decided I could work on her undergarment
fashion sense later. Right now we had to get a few things straight
between us.) and that along with the tight blue jeans she was wearing
and her short haircut, she looked like she belonged in a Sears catalog
(like I said, I could work on her fashion sense later). I smiled.

“Now the bra.”

She obeyed without question, reaching behind her back to unhook it
and sliding it off over her arms and dropping it to the floor. Her
breasts were magnificent. Firm and high, a little larger that a
grapefruit with huge nipples about the size of pencil erasers. By now
I had a huge shit-eating grin on my face and the beginnings of a huge
hardon. I sat down on the couch so I could admire the view and she
asked,

“Is this what you wanted?”

She had regained some of her composure now but that vanished quickly
when I said,

“Yes, but we’re not done yet.”

“I’m not taking off any more.”

…End of the part1. To be continued..

After I gathered myself together, I looked at Jennifer straight
in the eyes. Not knowing what to say or how to start, I sat up towards
her, and faced her CUM dripping face. I could feel her warm breath upon
my lips, and I could smell the stale CUM. I reached up my right hand
gently pushing her black-reddish messy hair back away from her face.
Jennifer is a beautiful girl. At 19, she has a body that any man
would kill for. She had a smile that would melt your heart and remind
you of an innocent tropical girl. Her tropical tan and smoldering exotic
eyes hints a beauty worth the sacrifice to the gods of the natives.
She had a mysterious way about her. The innocent image she posessed
hides another woman. Behind the innocent fascade is a hungry passion of
lust. She is a girl of few words, and rarely did she spoke to me. She
is friendly, yet aloof. When I do get the chance to talk to her, she
always ends our conversation quickly, yet sweetly. She was never rude
to me, and on occasion caught her glaring at me sweetly. I ruled out
the possibility that there would be something between us. She was my
best friend’s girl…I wanted her. I really did.
“Jennifer…why?” I whispered to her, my throught harsh and dry
from our night of ecstacy. “Shhhh…” she whispered, placing her finger
on my lips. “I…did it for you…”. She looked at me in the eyes, she
had that look of hidden pain covere by a faint smile. I went closer
and partly opened my mouth and kissed her on the lips. Her tongue
probed in my mouth and mine into hers. I could still taste my fresh CUM
in her mouth. I did not care. It was our wine of love. We kissed passionately and
finally she pushed me back and slowly stood up from my bed. I sat there
and watched her leave. She looked back a last time before exiting my
room. From the faint light I could admire her shapely body. Her buttocks
firm, her breasts rounded and tender.
I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I wasn’t able to go
back to sleep. I pondered the thought of her with me. I wanted her back
in my room. The desire was so strong that I was angry. I was screaming
inside figuring out what to do. Why have I done this to my best friend?
Should I tell him? I would loose her. I would loose my friend. *FUCK*
*I need her*
The following days tortured me. I was moody and snapped at almost
everyone. I was irritable. I couldn’t concentrate in class. I was supposed
to study for a midterm, but my mind kept creeping back to that night
with Jennifer. I see her with my buddy almost everytime, but I try not
to act obvious. But I guess, I had a tougher time when she is around with
my best friend. I know my friend well, and he knows me well, I had a
feeling he knows what’s up with me.
Joe is a cool guy. He’s about a year older than me. We’ve been friends
for about 3 years now since I met him freshman year. He’s a good looking
Chinese-American in a rough sort of way, and women usually like
him for his body. As for myself, for a Filipino I was lucky for an
athletic physique mixed with a boyish look of innocence which my Chinese
heritage offered. My witty remarks and quick reactions, combined with
Joe’s qualities make our team a trap for worthy women. We like each
other’s company and somehow our relationship evolved into an open,
trusting, and loyal friendship. I put great importance in our
…End of the part1. To be continued..

[Father Goose #47]

Once upon a time, bad King John raised a mighty army and set
out to conquer the known world. After a series of
successful campaigns, the remaining kings realized that
their lone efforts would never prevail. They had to band
together under the leadership of the best general they had -
“George-the-Turk”.

George the Turk had promised that he would defeat bad King
John’s army and would place him on a rack – in a public
display – so that no one would ever again try to conquer the
world.

While George the Turk was assembling his army and scouting
out bad King John, he also ordered his engineers to design
and build the largest rack here-to-fore made. The rack was
then fitted with wheels and required 40 horses to pull it.
When all was ready, George the Turk set out to do battle.

Bad King John, who was camped by a river enjoying the spoils
of his latest victory, had not yet gotten word of George the
Turk’s army. George the Turk knew that his army must attack
quickly before Bad King John could prepare a defense. But,
alas, the 40 horse team pulling the large rack could not
keep up with the troops. George the Turk ordered more
horses to be teamed, but, still they lagged. George the
Turk remembered that Hannibul was not too far away in the
mountains with a herd of elephants. Elephants would be
better than horses for pulling the rack. So, George the
Turk sent his second-in-command to Hannibul to rent enough
elephants for the job. Hannibul agreed and also sent along
his best elephant handler.

This elephant handler quickly realized the importance of his
unique position in George the Turk’s army and insisted that
he be given the title of “elephant engineer” and a huge pay
raise. George the Turk agreed with the title and the pay
raise.

The rack, powered by elephants and driven by the “elephant
engineer” , kept pace with the rapidly moving army.

Late one night they arrived at the enemy camp by the river.
George the Turk deployed his troops to cut off any avenue of
escape and issued the order to attack at dawn – on his
command. He also ordered the rack to be positioned on the
highest hill overlooking bad King John’s camp. This site
was the perfect spot to publically display bad King John -
to show the world what happens to anyone who dares to try to
conquer the world.

With dawn approaching George the Turk goes to the top of the
hill beside the rack so that everyone can see his command to
attack: when his sword drops —ATTACK !!!!!

All is quiet. The enemy camp is asleep. Every man is
waiting for the signal. The first ray of sunlight strikes
the helmet of George the Turk. He draws his sword slowly
and holds it over his head. The sunlight gleams off the
blade — and scares the elephants that are hitched to the
rack. They start trumpeting and rearing and the elephant
engineer can’t control then. He drops the reins and clings
onto the rack for dear life. The rack breaks loose from the
team and starts rolling down the hill — straight for the
enemy camp.

All this noise wakes bad King John. He orders an aide to go
outside the tent to see what is the cause. The aide takes a
hard look, comes back into the tent, and reports:

“As near as I can tell –

it’s a rambling rack from George the Turk with an elephant
engineer” !!!

[Father Goose #48]

There was once a very influential farmer in an obscure part of China.
He had a problem, for which he sought the counsel of the two wise men
in town. So he summons the two wise men, Hing, who is an scientist,
and Ming, who is a sorcerer, and requests that they find a cure for
his chickens who are losing their feathers and dying.

Hing decides to pay a visit to his mentor at the Agricultural
Extension of the local Community College, under whom he studied many
years ago. The mentor recommends the book “Everything You Always
Wanted to Know About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask”.
So Hing visits the library, borrows the book, and finds inside the
report of a study that finds that feeding the chickens with an
infusion of gum tree leaves is often a cure for chickens losing their
feathers.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, Ming reads obscure writings of ancient
wise men, he meditates, and he reads tarot cards. He also tries to
read the entrails of a fetal pig. Getting no inspiration he uses his
old standby, reading tea leaves. In a spark of discovery, he decides
that an infusion of gum tree leaves is the cure.

On the appointed day, at the appointed time, and at the appointed
place, the two wise men report back to the influential Chinese farmer.
Ming reports “As gum sticks to tables and chairs, so shall an infusion
of gum tree leaves make feathers stick to chickens.” Hing agrees,
saying “Four out of five ornithologists recommend sugarless infusions
of gum tree leaves for their chickens who lose their feathers.” The
influential Chinese farmer is ecstatic, for the two wisest men in town
are of a single mind.

He decides to carry out their advice, and it does not succeed. The
moral of this story is “All of Hing’s courses and all of Ming’s ken
couldn’t get gum tea to feather a hen.”

[Father Goose #49]

A certain African tribe, mostly swineherds and fishermen, lived on the
shores of a bay; the bay had treacherous currents and water turgid with
sand, but fishing was good and the tribe propered. They attributed this
to their sacrifices — a prize boar each year to every tribal god except
the sea-god, who got a gorilla. (A wise chieftan a few generations back
had substituted gorilla sacrifice for human).
One year, the tribesmen could not capture a gorilla. The chieftan asked
the tribal wise-woman, the surviving member of a Swedish explorer couple
who had gone native and lived with the tribe for many happy years, if they
should substitute their best boar for the gorilla. She was strongly against
it, even to the point of suggesting herself as a human sacrifice; he was
horrified and reminded her that porcine offerings had always pleased the
other gods.
The time of sacrifice arrived. With prayers for the sea-god’s mercy, the
shamans went through the usual rituals with the boar instead of the gorilla,
culminating in its being taken to the middle of the bay and having its throat
cut as it was thrown in. Nothing went wrong and the next year was as prosperous
as usual. After that, pigs replaced gorillas.
MORAL: Let a swine be your gorilla in a grainy, grainy bay. And if your Swede
decries, just tell her that a swine will always pay…

[Father Goose #50]

When South Vietnam was nearing its end, and General Minh was in charge,
a popular artist came to him and asked to make a statue in his honor (at
government expense).
“Please, General Minh, you are the people’s hero,” he told him.
“Yes, but make the sculpture in bronze,” replied the general.
So the artist made the sculpture, but when it was unveiled in a small
private ceremony, the general was furious. For the sculpture was made in
gold.
“I want bronze,” he said, “I want bronze!”
The artist went away in a hurry, deeply impressed with this show of
…End of the part9. To be continued..

The husband smiled and said, as he drove off, “Well, ther’s something
about an aqua volvo, man…”

[Father Goose #14]
There was once a young man who was very fond of illicit vegetable
matter that is commonly smoked to get high. Anyway, one day, while he
was cleaning his stash of extremely potent stuff ( high oil content) he
was called to the phone. His friend, who had already consumed a great
portion of the matter thought he would help out in the cleaning.
Unfortunately, he was new to the game so he tried to separate the stems
and seeds by cleaning the pot with a soap solution. Needless to say,
when the hero of our story returned from the phone he was extremely upset,
to say the least. However, he didn’t have time to cry since the phone
call informed him that his wife’s car had broken down and he had to go
out to help her fix it. He scooped up the messy bag of soapy resinous
cannabis and drove out to the broken down car. When he arrived he
immediately realized that the car had run out of oil. Unfortunately, he
didn’t have any oil, but he did have the bag of greasy marijuana. He put
the wet pot into the cars engine and started up the car. It ran fine
until it exploded a quarter mile down the road.

There is a moral. You know what it is?

– A washed pot never oils.

[Father Goose #15]

A philanthropist decides to donate his prize dolphins to
the local zoo. Upon making his donation, he reveals that
the dolphins can be kept alive indefinitely by feeding them
live myna birds. The zoo, not happy with the prospect of
depleting their myna bird collection, decides to send an
expedition to Africa to pick up some of the birds.

The bird seekers land their helicopter in a large clearing
in the middle of the jungle, and go off to seek their prey.
They search all the trees, the myna bird bars, the bird baths;
in short, all the places myna birds hang out. When they get
back to the clearing, they discover that a pride of lions has
taken up residence there. As the lions all appear very sleepy,
they decide to tiptoe their way back to the safety of their
helicopter. But, alas, when they get back to the helicopter,
the game warden pops out and writes them a citation for

“Transporting mynas over sedate lions for immortal porpoises.”

[Father Goose #16]

An explorer on safari through Africa discovers a magnificently
plumed bird known as a Raree. The bird is near death from
exhaustion and starvation brought about by a combination of
poachers and climatic changes which have turned its once-friendly
environment into a death-trap. The bird is uncharacteristically
docile, and does not flee from the explorer when he approaches it.
The explorer had believed the Raree birds were an extinct species;
and so to save the creature from an environment which has become
hostile, and to preserve the species, he brings it back with
him to the United States.
Proper feeding and warmth bring the bird around to its normal
behavior. Far from being docile, the Raree bird reverts to being
a pain in the ass. It tears open the refrigerator with its
beak and rummages around for food. It overturns garbage cans
and rummages around for food. Its instinctive loudness and
viciousness reassert themselves, and the explorer finds himself
gradually losing his mind. He decides to do away with the
Raree, figuring that if nature had wanted the species to survive,
it would have given the birds better survival skills.

He loads the Raree into a pickup truck and drives to a high
cliff. He has put drugs into the bird’s morning feed so it is
docile. He binds its wings and hauls it over to the edge of
a 300-foot-high cliff overlooking the ocean. The bird opens
its eyes, looks down, and says to the explorer:

“It’s a long way to tip a Raree.”

[Father Goose #17]

there was a russian man named rudolph, a high ranking member of the KGB.
one evening rudolph and his wife, helga, were walking along, and it
begins to snow. “my, my, look at the lovely snow,” said helga.
“no, that is not snow, that is rain!” replied rudolph.
“no, no, no, this is snow,” she said.
“look, there is a palace guard, we will ask him.”
rudolph went to the palace gaurd and said “is it raining or snowing?”
the gaurd was no dummy, so he said “what do YOU think it is doing, rudolph?”
rudolph replied, “raining.”
and the gaurd said “yes comrade,i was going to say raining, also!”

so rudolph and helga went walking off. the gaurd could just barely hear
the KGB official say:

“RUDOLPH, THE RED, KNOWS RAIN, DEAR”

[Father Goose #18]

Once there was a mad scientist who worked by himself in his laboratory.
He was so lonely that one day, he decided to clone himself. Everything
worked perfectly, except that the clone had a very foul mouth. The
scientist worked with the clone, but ,alas, he could not make the
clone clean up his language. He got so tired of the clone’s language
that one day he pushed him off the end of a cliff. A policeman rushed
up to him, and yelled

“You are under arrest! You are under arrest!”

“What for ?”,the mad scientist asked.

And the answer was:
For making an obscene clone fall.

[Father Goose #19]

A traveling-salesman type was opening up new
sales territories in Africa. One day he fell ill.
Since he was a man of action, he sought immediate
medical attention. Even though the only nearby
facility was a witch doctor, he went to see the
man. The witch doctor looked him over, then cut
a long, thin strip from a piece of leather and
gave it to the man, saying,

“Chew on this, and by the time it’s
all gone, you’ll feel better.”

As mentioned, the salesman was a man of action,
so he spent the rest of the day chewing on the
piece of leather. Nonetheless, he didn’t feel
better, in fact, as you might imagine, he felt
worse. So he went back to the witch doctor
and said,

“Doctor, the thong is ended
but the malady lingers on!”

[Father Goose #20]

One day the Shah of a middle-eastern country decided his son the Shan
was old enough to have a body guard. He searched his kingdom until he
found the right person for the job. As it turned out, he was well suited
for the task and watched after the Shan dutifully. As the Shan got older,
the body guard decided he could probably slip off for awhile without con-
sequence. As luck would have it the Shan was epileptic , had a fit and
died while he was gone. When the Shah found out about it, he called the
body guard and asked:

“Where were you when the fit hit the Shan?”
…End of the part3. To be continued..

[Father Goose #1]

There were three Medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake.
There was an island in the middle of the lake, which the kingdoms had
been fighting over for years. Finally, the three kings decided that
they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would
take the island.
The night before the battle, the knights and their
squires pitched camp and redied themselves for the fight. The first
kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had 5 squires, all of whom were
busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second
kingdom had 20 knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at
that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third
kingdom, there was only one knight, with his one squire. This squire
took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He
busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own
armor. When the hour of battle came, the three kingdoms sent their
squires out to fight ( this was too trivial a matter for the knights to
join in ). The battle raged, and when the dust cleared, the only person
left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the
squires from the other kingdoms.

I guess this just proves that the squire of the high pot and noose is
equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

[Alternate version:]

It seems that there were these 3 pregnant Indian Squaws, all due to give
birth at about the same time. The first squaw gave birth to a boy, and the
birthing was done on a deer hide. The 2nd also gave birth to a boy, but this
was done on a bear hide. And, the third had twins, two boys, and
she did this on a hippopotamus hide.

I guess *THIS* shows us that the sons of the squaw on the hippopotamus hide
is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.

[Father Goose #2]

There was a new driver for the bus on Sesame Street. His first
day on the job, he awoke bright and early, went to the garage, got
the bus, and set off on his route.

At the first stop there was a chubby little girl waiting for
the bus. She climbed the step and got on, and said,
“Hi. My name is Patty.”
The driver replied,
“Hi, Patty. Please take a seat.”

At the second stop there was a second little girl, even chubbier
than the first. She got on and said,
“Good morning! My name’s Patty.”
The driver answered,
“Good morning. Please sit down.”

At the third stop there was a little boy waiting. He was dressed
in a white shirt and tie, and a suit with a vest, and he had a
calculator holster on his belt. He said,
“Hi. My name is Ross, and I’m special!”
The driver wasn’t impressed, but he managed a smile and said,
“Please sit down, Ross.”

The fourth stop rewarded the driver with a grubby little boy
with dirty jeans and torn sneakers. He got on the bus and said,
“My name is Lester Cheese.”
The driver replied,
“Please take a seat, Lester.”

Well, he’s driving along and he looks in his rear-view mirror
and sees that Lester Cheese has taken off his sneakers and is
scratching at his foot. The driver pulls the bus over to the
side of the rode, stops it, and says,

“I can’t take this any longer! I’ve got

two obese Patties,
special Ross,
Lester Cheese picking bunions
on a Sesame Street bus!

[Father Goose #3]

A while back, there were two kingdoms situated close by each other.
One kindgom had a powerful king, and the other had a relatively weak
king. The difference (or so everybody said) was that the powerful
king had a magic throne, which had the property of making people
powerful.
Well, the weak king wanted this throne, so he had a trusted
count get up an army (you know, knights, pages, reporters, that kind
of thing) to fetch it.
The army trudged along for a day or two (only the reporters
would know for sure) and came upon the powerful king’s castle.
The castle entrance was guarded by a huge yellow monster
with huge yellow hands. The army (being an army and all) attacked!
The huge Yellow Monster ate them all, except for two pages
who did not engage in the fight. The pages, being very frightened,
hid until nightfall.
When night came along, the pages peeked from their hiding
place and saw that the monster was asleep. The only thing guarding
the entrance now was the monsters huge hands draped in front of the
opening. The pages, being only 8 years old and all, were able to
squeeze through the yellow fingers and gain entrance into the
castle.

Moral: let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.

[Father Goose #4]
Once inside the castle, the pages had no trouble finding the
throne. Combined, they were just strong enough to lift it, and were
able to carry it out of the castle. (The monster gave them no
further trouble, since they had the throne and everything.)
After having walked half the night with the heavy throne
between them, they were very tired and stopped at a grass house
to rest. The farmer who lived there, wanting to steal the throne for himself,
let them spend the night in the barn. The throne was “hid” in the
farmer’s attic.
Some hours later, the farmer stole into his barn and killed
the pages.
The farmer went back to bed. A few minutes later, the
throne crashed through the ceiling, crushing and killing the farmer
and his wife.

Moral: people who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.

[Father Goose #5]
When the powerful king found his throne missing the next
day, he ordered HIS army to kidnap the other king’s count and force
him to tell where the throne was being hid. The session went as
follows:

king: Where is the throne?
count: I cannot tell you.
king: Then I will have you killed! Executioner, cut off his
head!
count: (as the axe is swinging down…)
Ok! I will tell you!
THWACK!!!

Moral: don’t hatchet your counts before they chicken.

[Father Goose #6]

A wild life photographer goes on an expedition to South America to photograph
the legendary and hitherto unseen foo bird. On the way he attempts to hire
porters from a tribe of Pygmys. They warn him of the dreaded curse on all
who look upon the bird and refuse to join. Undaunted the intrepid photographer
…End of the part1. To be continued..

A young girl asked her mother “Mommy, do you get into heaven feet first?”

“I don’t know, why do you ask?”

“Because the maid’s upstairs with her feet in the air, shouting `God, I’m
coming, God, I’m coming,’ but dad’s on top and won’t let her go.”

–

I wrote this because of the last story I posted,
“In HOT Pursuit of Safe Sex” which brought me over 20
letters saying to keep up the good work. Again, the story
posted has no sex in it but the word sexual is used 6 times,
the word sex twice, intercouse once, “making love” twice,
kiss twice, breast once and lesbian twice.

In all Fairness, J. David Narkiewicz

Every other college student in the greater D.C. area was
trying to get an internship with a member of Congress. There were
three ways to get such a position: have a well connected family,
pick up the soap in the congressman’s shower or stick your nose in
a place I found olfactorily repulsive. Besides, interning paid
crap compared to other government jobs. I’d set my sights on
Custodial Assistant at the Capitol Building, search number
A8042299625.

I’d decided a suit was not in order for my interview, but I
did go with a shirt and tie. As I’d been instructed when informed
of my interview, I walked through the gardens at the back of the
Capital Building until I reached the East door. It was opened
before I could ring the bell. I was greeted by three rather large
men in suits complete with little microphones in their ears and
conspicuous bulges under their arm pits.

“Clark Thomas?” asked the tall black man who, amongst the
three, seemed to be in charge.

“Yes,” I stammered, feeling just a tad intimidated by the
not-so-Secret Service.

“Identification,” he demanded and I provided in triplicate.
I was photographed, finger printed, metal detected and thankfully
not cavity searched — no job was worth that. With a visitor’s
pass clipped to my shirt pocket, I was personally guided to my
destination by two football types also draped in suits and wearing
sun glasses even though they were indoors. They grunted for me to
proceed through a set of huge double doors.

My fantasy of being interviewed in a decrepit boiler room by
an old codger with the name “Bubba” sewn on his shirt were
quickly dispelled. There were no less than ten people sitting at
a large wooden table, all ready to interview me. Counting the
camera man and the stenographer, complete with mysterious
stenographer type machine, I felt like Christ at the last supper.
The difference here — aside from the fact that I didn’t have a
sixties lack-of-a-haircut and wasn’t wearing a toga — was that eight
of the disciples were female. They all sat at the table and had that
“send chills down your spine” look I commonly attribute solely to
militant lesbians.

I stood there until the blue-rinse woman sitting in the middle
of the table spoke into her mike, “Good Morning, Mr. Thomas.
Please, have a seat and make yourself comfortable.”

I caught myself looking around behind me in search of my
father, Mr. Thomas. Left with no one else to blame, I sat down at
a table of my own. For comfort they’d provided a pitcher of water
and two glasses — I was feeling more comfortable already.

With camera rolling and stenographer typing away, the blue-rinsed
woman, Congress woman Katrina “Kat” Schroeder, started with
my birth and asked me every conceivable question about my life. It
got weird when she reached the part about the eighth grade dance.
“Did you take one Kimberly Campbell to your eighth grade dance
when you were thirteen?”

“Yes, I did, ma’am.” I had no idea how any of this would
make me a better broom pusher, but bureaucracy was not to be
trifled with, especially at the federal level.

“During the course of the evening, did you say, and I quote
`I guess it was a date. That means we’re supposed to kiss good
night.’”

I just stared at her completely bewildered. Schroeder didn’t take
that as a response. “Answer the questions, please,” she said.

“I guess I did,” I stumbled. That was seven years ago, as
if I’d remember exactly what I’d said.

“Ha!” she screeched causing one of my glasses to
shatter. “So you confess to making sexual advances towards a
thirteen year old girl.” The other women at the table all nodded
in agreement and murmured like an impassioned lynch mob. Out of
desperation, I turned to one of the men at the table hoping for a
glimmer of support. It was only then that I recognized him as Ned
“pants-around-the-ankles” Kennedy. Since this had nothing to do
with a Congressional pay raise, he was staring at the ceiling doing
his best to ignore me.

Kat Schroeder had finished and promptly introduced, the right
honorable Anita Quill, Congresswoman and legal scholar from
Oklahoma. She was one of those fat, intimidate you with her
breath, black women. At the snap of her sweaty black fingers an
intern-type entered the room carrying a sheet of paper. It was deposited
on my desk. From the way the intern walked, I could tell he was a
type 2 intern.

Congresswoman Quill said, “Please, read the following letter.
It shall be entered into the record as Piece of Evidence 94.”
Pieces of Evidence 1 through 93 were such epic and incriminating
documents as my kindergarten report card which stated I worked and
played well with others and a detention I’d received in tenth grade
for not having my Spanish book covered –Muchas gracias para nada,
Meastro Stewart.

As I read Piece of Evidence 94, I could feel my face turning
red. This document dated back to when I worked as a volunteer
during the last presidential campaign. “Did you read the
letter?” demanded Congresswoman Quill.

“Yes, I did, Congresswoman.”

“That’s Congressperson,” she corrected.

Under my breath, I said, “If your ass were any tighter, you could
use it to turn a piece of coal into a diamond?” Of course, since there
was a microphone in front of me, the whisper became a shout and echoed
from every corner of the room. “diamond, diamond, diamond…”

The congressperson just glared and asked, “Were you the
author of this letter?”

I’d long since given up on getting the job, but still,
this was a question I’d gladly dodge. “Well, the signature
isn’t mine.” It certainly wasn’t. The letter was written on
stationary liberated from the presidential candidate I’d worked for.
It was a form letter of sorts, blank save for the pre-printed
closing at the bottom complete with “God Bless,” and the candidate’s
signature.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Ms. Quill retorted.
“Maybe I should refresh your memory.” She put her librarian
glasses on, picked up the letter and began reading:

Dear Ms. Travis,

Knowing that I surely enjoy your support in the upcoming
election, I’d like to bring your attention to another issue of dire
importance. A campaign worker of mine, one Mr. Clark Thomas, has
been without your romantic companionship since you began your
…End of the part1. To be continued..

[From The San Francisco Examiner, June 9]

International pornography magnate and accused racketeer Reuben Sturman
is converting a landmark North Beach strip joint into a big peep-show
arcade, according to city records.

City building inspectors have allowed the Sturman firm to begin tearing
out the club’s interior, but they want assurances that two of the peep-show
booths will be wheelchair-accessible before they will issue a permit for
remodeling….

–

The Dreamer – “Someday I’m going to be rich and famous. I don’t know how,
but–”
Also known as: Struggling artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind, Fool
Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Will turn into “Old Man Grumpus”

Mr. Right – “While the servants wash the dishes, let’s make love like
crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?”
Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
Advantages: Answer to a woman’s prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction

The 9 Types of Girlfriends

Ms. Nice Guy – “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn’t
have”
Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze,
doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday

Old Yeller – “You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of
a bitch! Can’t you see you’re making me miserable??”
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from
Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

Sickly – “Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite”
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious

The Bosser – “Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut.
Change your job. Make some money. Don’t give me that look.”
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes
Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied – “I just can’t decide. Should I switch my
career, goals, home, and hair color?”
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c’mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

Wild Woman out of Control – “I’ve got an idea. Lez get drunk an’ make love
onna front lawn. I done it before. S’fun.”
Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

Huffy – “I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering
at”
Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition,
iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends

Woman from Mars – “I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I
feel about our relationship”
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News,
Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

Ms. Dreamgirl – “I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my
handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed
weasels now”
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you

——————————————————–

Dear ________________,

This letter was started by a woman much like yourself
in the hopes of bringing relief to other tired and dis-
contented women. Unlike most chain letters, this one does
not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five
of your friends who are equally tired and discontent. Then,
bundle up your husband, boyfriend or boss, and send him to
the woman whose name appears at the top of this list and
add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your name comes to the top of the list you will
receive 16,877 men and one of them is bound to be better
than the one you already had!

DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN……HAVE FAITH!!!

One woman broke the chain and got her own S.O.B back. At
this writing a friend of mine had already received 184 men;
they buried her yesterday, but it took three undertakers 36
hours to get the smile off her face, an two days to get her
legs together so they could close the coffin.

YOU MUST HAVE FAITH……

Sincerely,

A Liberated Woman

——————————————————–

THE SINGLE GIRL’s CHRISTMAS PRAYER

This Christmas may I have
at least one really nice date.

May his car have clean seats
and glass in all the windows

May he not be more than
three hours late

May his left eye match
the one on the right

May he have all his front teeth
and not be high a a kite

May he have all his hormones
under control

May he wear clean underpants
without any holes

May his whiskers not burn
and make my face blotch

May he think with his brain
and not with his crotch

And, Lord, if I might ask
for just one thing more…

May he have good aim in my bathroom
and not pee on my clean floor

——————————————————–

Duke University Medical Center is reporting an unusual occurrance in the
Obstetrics Department: a child was born with both male and female organs.

A penis and a brain.

——————-

What’s the definition of the ideal man?

One with a twelve-inch tongue and a broom-handle through his ears.

——————-

PENDLETON, Ind. (AP) — Officials are considering changing the name of
Pendleton Middle School or at least removing its initials from
athletic uniforms to avoid embarrassment for its girls’ teams.

——————-

The destruction of the Berlin wall marked history’s first feminine
revolution: There had been no violence and when it ended everybody went
shopping.

——————-

Q. What do you call a woman who has PMS and ESP?

A. A bitch who thinks she knows it all.

——————-

I hope that the packaging for the new Stayfree Maxipads with baking
soda includes a warning about the potential side effects of wearing
a baking soda laced feminine napkin after using a vinegar and water
douche.

——————-

DAVID’S TRUTHS ABOUT WOMEN

In this world, there are two sets of women: women that you would love to be
with, and women that would love to be with you. THERE IS NO UNION OF THESE
TWO SETS.

Any woman that you become extremely attracted to will tell you that you are
the best friend that a woman could ever have.

Being told that you are nice is:
the equivalent to her saying, “I wish that you were my brother.”
a curse.
her way of saying that “I hope we can just be friends.

A Slut is a woman that will sleep with anyone. A Bitch is a woman that will
sleep with anyone but you. All women are Bitches.

Only beautiful women who are engaged or engaged to be engaged or married or
your mother’s best friend will think that you are a wonderful person that any
woman would die for.

These same women will be completely dumbfounded at the revelation that you
don’t go out with a hundred women a week. Much less one.

When a woman says “No!” she really means “Yes!” — except, of course, when she
means “NO!”

Unless you make over a million dollars a year, you must completely ignore and
demean a woman to gain her affection. If you completely disregard her
existence, she’ll die for you.

The degree of subtlety used by a woman is inversely proportional to how
attracted you are to her. If you are absolutely in love with everything about
her, her hints will amount to, “I really like your roommates new shoes.” If
you have no attraction to her what-so-ever, she will ask you to come spend a
week with her in the Bahamas.

A woman will confide in you that she slept with your best friend and that he
treated her like dirt afterwards. She will go on-and-on for hours, until she
builds up enough nerve to ask him out again.

Every woman that you meet that you are instantly attracted to will be:
Married,
heavily dating the same guy for the 3rd year,
a lesbian
my brother’s ex-girlfriend.

A “Taken” woman will tell you that you are a great-looking guy, but that looks
don’t matter anyway and that she’d go out with you if she wasn’t already
dating someone.

“Taken” women are the only women capable of understanding your wonderful sense
of humor, you amazing musical talent, your tremendous sensitivity, and
gracious generosity.

A Woman will talk to you about a certain guy that they think is a real jerk,
wondering what any Woman would see in him, and then ask you to set them up.

Women will absolutely drive you crazy and seemingly make no sense.

Women will confuse you and make you distraught.

Women are the most wonderful things in the entire world. They are the most
precious element that the world could ever know. Everything from the way
they look to the way they talk to the way the move, walk, sigh, gesture,
dance, smile, laugh, cuddle, squeeze, tease, hug, caress, smell, taste — is
fantastic.

–

Again, not a question. Not a request. Just an open ended
statement that I could pick up and run with…. And I made like
O.J. Simpson. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” I asked.

“Why don’t we go to your place, and I show you how serious I am.”

I flipped a U-ey, through a closed Texaco station, and then
ducked through a couple of side streets and charged down the ramp
onto the Interstate. I squeezed her hand, and said, “Candi.. You
don’t mind if I call you Candi, do you?”

“Call me anything you want, Eric. Just don’t make me go home.”

“Candi, things like this just don’t happen to me….” I sputtered
lamely.

“Like this?” she asked, as she released my hand and jammed it
against her dripping cunt.

My fingers began to explore all her wonderful creases and
crevices, and I was having a HARD (at least a difficult) time
keeping the Chevy between the white lines, and the rain had
started again. “Like any of this,” I tried to continue the
thought. “Like meeting somebody like you, and having a bite, and
then… and then going off with them like a horny teenager to
park….”

“If that was parking,” she said, as she shifted up onto one
cheek, and pushed my fingers into her, “you had a much more
exciting teenagerhood than I did.”

My exit was coming, up, so I tried to concentrate. Shit, if I
overshot, and missed it the next one was five more miles. I
swerved across two puddle filled lanes, and blasted up to the
stop at the top of the exit ramp in a cloud of spin-drift, while
on a whole other level of consciousness, my fingers pressed into
her, massaging the interior of her snatch.

It was only a couple of blocks to my place, and I managed to get
us there through the downpour in one piece. Looking back, I’m
not sure how, but if we’d had an accident, they’d have had to
chop my arm off at the elbow, and my fingers would have been
coming out her nose; she was that slick and eager.

Once in my apartment, we didn’t waste much time. She made a
couple of comments about how surprised she was that the place
wasn’t a mess, but a ‘Better Homes and Gardens’ tour wasn’t high
on our collective agendas. I pointed her at the ‘tur-let’ and
the bedroom, and ducked into the kitchen to mix a couple of
drinks. I didn’t know if she needed one, but I sure did!

When I made it to the bedroom, she was already in bed, with just
the sheet covering her, slim sexy form. I’d dropped my suit
coat in the dining room, draping it over a chair, like usual, so
I put my 9MM on the closet shelf, and unbuckled the shoulder-rig.
The leather and elastic monstrosity went on top of the dresser.

I sat on the edge of the bed and slipped off my shoes, very aware
of being observed. Then the shirt went into the dirty clothes
basket, and my pants were quickly hung over the corner of the
door.

The sound of windblown rain against the window, and its shadows
generated by the streetlight across the parking area moved over
the room. We snuggled closer together under the covers, as we
savored the warmth of our bodies meeting, and touching. My arm
was over her side, pulling her back into me, and my hand cupped
her breast softly.

She sighed softly, as she felt my lips lightly grazing the back
of her neck, working slowly down to the tops of her shoulders.
My breath is warm and arousing, making her arch back into me. I
felt her response, knowing that she was not yet fully ready.

My lips begin moving around the side of her neck, just lightly
kissing her with soft, dry kisses that worked their way up her
neck, until they were just below her ear.

She felt my breath flowing around her ear, then a long, slow
kiss, my lips wide, slowly closing, caressing her neck just below
her ear. She moaned softly, and moved against me in a soft,
sensual undulation. Her eyes were barely open, but she had a sexy
smile on her face.

My tongue traced the edge of her ear, and her nails lightly raked
my thigh as she let out a long moan.

My fingers closed over her nipple, rolling it between my fingers
the way I knew she liked it. Another long moan escaped her lips,
this time with a long breath. I could feel her nipple standing
tall…, hard and eager for more attention.

She rolled into me, turning half onto her back, turning her face
toward me. My hand left her breast and slid down the center of
her chest, flat palmed to spread warmth through her. Our lips
met, gently. Hers were so soft, sensually warm. We kissed
briefly again, a second time, lingering longer, playing our lips
over each other, slowly building our passions.

Without words or cues, we knew just when the tempo of our love
should change. Our lips parted, our mouths came together, and her
tongue flowed into my mouth. Somehow feeling even more intimate
than sex. Our tongues danced, together celebrating our new found
closeness. We felt our bodies melt together, heat and radiant
warmth, flowed through us. It seemed to last forever, but not
long enough.

Her hand slipped through my hair and I felt her give herself to
me. My lips worked down her throat, across the sensitive skin,
warming her with my breath.

We moved and she lay on her back, with an arm sliding under my
upraised chest to pull me closer.

I moved down, kissing her chest, licking her lightly where her
breasts blended into her chest. She felt my lips between her
breasts, then on their sides. I pulled the covers over my head,
to keep the warm air inside. In the darkness of our private cave
I found her firm breast and licked around its outside edge,
tracing it with my tongue. I felt her press herself toward me as
my tongue moved underneath, teasing the soft, sensitive skin
there. I knew what she wanted me to do, and I would… in time.

My lips nipped at her other nipple, pulling on the soft skin,
playing with her. I could sense she was getting impatient, but
still demanding more. I let my hair tickle one breast as I turned
my mouth back to the other. She felt my tongue under the breast,
licking upwards over the curve. The warm wetness excited her as I
moved closer to her nipple.

My tongue flicked upwards, right past her hard, stiff nipple,
flicking it. Slowly I circled the edge of her areola, then
closed my lips around it, sucking, and nipping.

My lips pressed down, then tugged on her nipple. Then she felt my
tongue flicking it up and down, left and right, faster and
faster. I released it, and sucked it again, closing my mouth
around her areola, sucking all of her lovely nipple into my
mouth. With a wide, wet, flat tongue I washed it in warmth, then
let my lips slide down to grasp the hard tip again. My lips
shielded my teeth as I bit it gently, making her quiver and moan.

I could feel her arching up, trying to feel my skin against hers.
I let my hands glide down her sides, flowing over the curve of
her hips. I wanted to lick all of her, to eat her up, to hold her
in my arms and press my face against every square inch of her
…End of the part8. To be continued..