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		<item>
		<title> Humourbeermentxt</title>
		<link>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbeermentxt/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 28 Aug 2008 12:54:01 +0000</pubDate>
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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[ Archive-author: 
 Archive-title: Why Beer is Better than Men
 
 
                         29 Reasons why
                    Beer is better than men
 
  1a. Beer makes you feel better when you have your period.
  2a. Beer stains don't smell funny the next day.
  3a. Beer goes where you want it to.
  4a. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while
      you try on shoes at the mall.
  5a. Your beer never suffers performance anxiety.
  5b. When your beer won't get a head up, you can toss it out.
  6a. Beer doesn't stand there tapping it wristwatch.
  6b. No woman ever got stood up by a beer.
  7a. A beer doesn't start a fistfight with an ale.
  8a. Puking will rid you of that queasy feeling you get when
      you made the wrong choice.
  8b. Beer doesn't get drunk and call you at 3am to beg.
  8c. You don't need a restraining order with bad beer.
  8d. I never met a beer with a criminal record.
  9a. Beer labels come off when you want them to.
 10a. When you go to a bar, you can pick up a beer without worrying
     about that tan line on his ring finger.
 10b. You can pick up a beer in a bar right in front of your mom
      and she won't mind.
 11a. Beer never has a bad temper.
 12a. A beer won't throw you into the back seat of a 76'
     Datsun and dry hump you under a mercury vapor lamp.
 12b. A beer won't toss you in the passenger seat of a
     Mazda RX7 and show you it can go 100MPH on a flat stretch.
 13a. A beer doesn't bring strange people home with it.
 14a. Its easy to give beer good head with minimal shaking up.
 15a. You don't have to worry about a gag reflex with beer.
 16a. You can have more than one beer in a night without feeling sore.
 17a. You can talk to your girlfriends about your beer without it getting
      pissed off.
 18. You have a good idea where that beer has been before you got it.
 19a. No one ever had to sleep in a beer spot.
 20a. Beer doesn't dis' you because you are a babe.
 21a. A beer won't shove its hand up your dress at your graduation
      party.
 22a. You don't have to fake it for a beer. Beer has no ego.
 23a. A cold beer is a good beer.
 24a. Beer tastes good.
 25a. Beer doesn't leave you. It snuggles around your hips for
      a lifetime.
 26. A beer doesn't hate your cat.
 27. You can get six at once without taxing yourself.
 28. A beer doesn't mind if you don't finish.
 29. A beer won't leave the lid up.
 
 --
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		<item>
		<title> Humourbdrmgolftxt</title>
		<link>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbdrmgolftxt/</link>
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		<pubDate>Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:48:01 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description><![CDATA[]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[ Archive-author: 
 Archive-title: Rules of Bedroom Golf, The
 
 
 1.  Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally
     one club and two balls.
 
 2.  Owner of the course must approve equipment before play may
     begin.
 
 3.  Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
 
 4.  Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
     keep the balls out of the hole.
 
 5.  For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.  Course
     owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
 
 6.  Course owner reserves the right to restrict the shaft length,
     so as to avoid damange to the course.
 
 7.  Players are cautioned to play the correct hole, as indicated by
     the course owner.
 
 8.  The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
     the course owner is satisfied that play is complete.  Failure to do 
     so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
 
 9.  It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediatedly upon
     arrival at the course.  The experienced player will normally take time
     to admire the entire course, with special attention to well-formed
     bunkers.
 
 10. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or 
     are currently playing to the owner of the course being played.  Upset
     course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this
     reason.
 
 11. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.
 
 12. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before 
     attempting to play the back game.
 
 13. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly 
     scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the 
     first time.  Previous players have been known to become irate if they
     discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private 
     course.
 
 14. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times.
     Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be 
     temporarily under repair.  Players are advised to be extremely tactful
     in this situation.  More advanced players will find alternate means
     of play when this is the case.
 
 15. Slow play is encouraged; however, players should be prepared to proceed
     at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the owner's request.
 
 16. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the
     same hole several times in one match.
 
 17. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
 
 18. In some states, it is illegal for a course owner to require (or for a
     players to offer) a greens fee in excess of the price of dinner.  
     Course owners must be careful that play not be proposed to members of
     the vice squad.
 
 19. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at
     any given course.  Additional assessments may be levied by the course
     owner and the rules are subject to change.  For this reason many players
     prefer to continue to play several different courses.
 
 20. It is considered bad form to reveal your score to other players,
     or even that you have played the course.
 
 --
]]></content:encoded>
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		<item>
		<title>BBS Lovers</title>
		<link>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/bbs-lovers/</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:48:01 +0000</pubDate>
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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[ 
    The BBS lovers wrote back and forth to each other, til they
 both had enough of writing letters. Both were married but not              
 to each other. They lived over 1500 miles apart.
    They both wrote to each other asking if they could meet. 
    They both came upon an agreement and meet halfway. He landed
 at his halfway point on Friday late afternoon, waiting for his 
 lovers plane to land.  When it was for the plane he got all
 nervous and excited.  He heard them announce on the loud speaker
 that the plane was coming in.  He stood there very impatient
 looking for someone with a Red Rose pinned in her hair, she told
 him that she would have one in her hair.
    She finally came walking off the plane with a big smile on
 her face.  He walked up to her and introduced himself to her.
    She was very excited when she saw him, her body tingled all
 over.  They talked for a little bit and decided to get a room
 at a Hotel.  They checked in, and took the bags to the room,
 freshened up a little and decided to go get something to eat.
    They went to a small place in town, ate and talked for about
 3 hours.  They were both getting tired and they went back to the
 Hotel.  He went in and took a shower while she sat nervously
 waiting for her turn in the shower.  She was going to join him 
 but didn't want to seem to pushy. When he came out she went in
 an took her shower.  She got done and went into the room, he
 was sitting on the bed with a towel around his waist.  
    She had on a skimpy nightgown that you could partially see
 through.  He couldn't keep his eyes off of her.  She sat down
 on the edge of the bed and started brushing her long brown hair.
    He moved toward her and took the brush out of her hand and
 brushed her hair for her.  He told her how beautiful she looked
 and bent over her and started kissing her neck.  She got chills
 all over her body when he did that.
    He turned her to face him, and he kissed her lips, it was 
 such a passionate kiss that she wrapped her arms around his 
 waist.  They fell back on the bed, and when they did the towel
 fell off of him exposing his massive cock.  She ran her hand
 down his back and moved it to his hot throbbing cock.  She ran
 her fingers up and down his shaft lightly teasing him, and than
 fondled his balls.  He was so hard and hot.  He started to slowly
 take off her nightgown, he pulled the straps down exposing her 
 large breasts.  He couldn't resist putting his lips on her nipples.
    He kissed her breasts so softly that the more he did it the 
 the harder her nipples got.  He pulled her nightgown the rest of
 the way of, showing him her body.  He ran his tongue up and down
 her body getting her even hotter than before.  She laid there
 moaning for more.
    He ran his tongue down to her clit and teased the hell out 
 hell out of her.  She let out a little scream of excitement, 
 and wanted to suck his cock, so he laid back on the bed while
 she went straight for his cock.  She teased him like he did to
 her.  Then she put his huge cock into her mouth and slowly went
 up and down on his cock.  He couldn't take it anymore and he
 pulled her up onto him.  She sat on his cock and slowly put
 it inside her dripping cunt.
    They were so wrapped up in each other that they both came
 at the same time.  She fell back into his arms and giggled a
 little with excitement.  They fell asleep in each others arms.
    About three hours later he woke her up and they made love
 again.  They both got into the shower and soaped each other up
 and then rinsed each other off, than they kissed each other
 all over their bodies.  He pulled her pussy onto his waiting 
 cock.  He slowly pumped his cock into her pussy.  She pulled 
 him out and put her mouth on his cock, he could barely stand up.
    They fucked in the shower until the water started getting
 cold.  He pulled his cock out and squirted his cum all over her
 tits and belly.  They cleaned up and went back to bed.
    They got up about eight hours later and got dressed and de-
 cided to go get something to eat and do a little sight-seeing.
    They couldn't let go of each other the whole time they were 
 out.  He suggested that they go back to the Hotel after he 
 bought her another nightgown, so she could model it for him, for
 this was Saturday and they only had this last night together.
    They went back to the hotel and she went and took a quick 
 shower and slipped into the nightgown.  It fit her perfect. He
 couldn't wait to take it off of her.  He didn't say a word his
 eyes said it all.  He stood up and walked over to her and started
 slow dancing with her, the music was just right.  He whispered
 sweet nothings in her ear and nibbled on her earlobe, which got
 her all tinglely again.  She was running her nails up and down 
 his back.  He kissed her long and hard.  They didn't even get
 into bed, he pushed her up against the wall and fucked her til
 they came again.
    They got into bed and she started to cry because it would all 
 end the next day.  He comforted her and they made love again.
    They fell asleep in each others arms.  The next morning when 
 they awoke they made love again.  This time it was more exciting
 than ever.  They took a shower got dressed and went to the airport,
 they kissed and gave each other a little squeeze and boarded the
 planes, never knowing when they'll ever see each other again.
    Was it a Dream, or a Fantasy or was it Real?  It was just to 
 good to be true.....
]]></content:encoded>
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	</item>
		<item>
		<title> Humourbathroomtxt part4</title>
		<link>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbathroomtxt-part4/</link>
		<comments>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbathroomtxt-part4/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 25 Aug 2008 12:30:01 +0000</pubDate>
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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[ behind his back and yelled, "Doctor, my ass! He's going to 
 be our son-in-law. Smell his fingers!"
 
 ** 045
 One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and 
 went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. 
 fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse's 
 confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The 
 mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German 
 Sheppard. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show 
 someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife 
 but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, 
 and covered her head with the blanket.
 "Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell 
 you about this."
 "Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with you!"
 
 ** 046
 Three men of the cloth - a Catholic priest, a Baptist 
 minister and a Rabbi -were counting collections taken during 
 services for the week. They were trying to come up with an 
 equitable way to divide the money between God (the two 
 churches and one synagogue) and themselves (the clerics' 
 weekly income). The priest was the first to speak: "I know 
 what! I'll draw a line down the middle of the sanctuary, toss 
 the money up in the air, and whatever falls on the right side 
 of the line is for God and whatever falls on the left side is for us."
 The Baptist minister cried, "No! No! No! I'll draw a circle 
 in the middle of the sanctuary, toss the money up in the 
 air, and whatever falls inside the circle is for God and 
 whatever falls outside the circle is for us."
 The Rabbi then asked the two other men to accompany him 
 outside. There he offered this suggestion: "What I would do 
 with the money is this: Toss it up in the air, and whatever 
 God catches is His and whatever falls on the ground is ours."
 
 ** 047
 Two Polacks purchased a bird dog. They took the dog out to 
 give it a try. After a long while one Polack said to the 
 other, "Well, we'll throw him up in the air one more time. 
 If he doesn't fly, we'll shoot the son of a bitch!"
 
 ** 048
 During a big fire downtown the firemen were having a bit of 
 trouble. A woman was stuck on the fourth floor with her 
 baby. The fire fighters instructed her to toss the child out 
 the window, under which they had placed a net, but the mother refused.
 Things looked grim until a tall, well-built black man burst 
 through the crowd and shouted to the women. He said that he 
 was a professional football player and that he could catch 
 the baby safely. After a few minutes more of reassurances by 
 the man, the mother finally let the child drop.
 The football player made a breathtaking catch, and everybody 
 cheered. At that moment the man suddenly raised the child 
 high in the air, spiked it on the ground and screamed, "Touchdown!"
 
 ** 049
 A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he 
 approached the desk, the receptionist asked "Yes sir,may we 
 help you?" "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
 The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't 
 come into a crowded office and say things like that."
 "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said.
 "We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please 
 go outside and come back in and say that there's something 
 wrong with your ear or whatever."
 The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. 
 The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
 "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
 The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with 
 your ear, sir?"
 "I can't piss out of it." the man replied.
 
 ** 050
 Tired of the boring "straights" she'd been laying, a chick 
 decided she'd find out if bikers were really the heavy 
 "cocksmen" that she heard they were. So she picked up a 
 gigantic bro and went went with him up to his pad. Stripped 
 and ready, anxiously awaiting some real action, she was 
 astonished to see that his fully erect crank was only two 
 inches long.
 "Who," she demanded scornfully,"do you think you're gonna 
 satisfy with that?"
 Grinning confidently, the bro replied,"Me!"
 
 ** 051
 The common symptoms of swine flu are: High fever, upset 
 stomach, occasional cramps and an irresistable urge to fuck in the mud.
 
 ** 052
 Question: How do you kill an Aggie?
 Answer: Sneak up on him while he's getting a drink of water, 
 then slam the toilet seat on his head.
 
 ** 053
 At a football game two Texans were seated behind two nuns. 
 One Texan said to his friend, "I can't wait to get back to 
 Dallas. There are only ten Catholics there."
 His buddy replied, "I can't wait to get back to Houston. 
 There are only five Catholics there."
 Finally, one of the nuns commented, "You both should go to 
 hell! There aren't any Catholics there!"
 
 ** 054
 One day a farmer caught a traveling salesman making love to 
 his youngest daughter. Yelling "You son of a bitch!" he shot 
 the amorous salesman in the groin with a .12-gauge shotgun.
 The screaming salesman quickly took off for town to find a 
 doctor. He found one, but the physician took one look at the 
 man's perforated pecker and told him that nothing could be 
 done for him.
 "Oh, please do something," begged the salesman. "I'm a rich
 man and can pay you anything."
 "Sorry, son," said the doctor. "There's nothing I can do. 
 However, there's a man across the street who might be able to help."
 "Oh? Is he a specialist?" asked the salesman.
 "No," said the doctor, "he's a piccolo player. He'll teach you 
 how to hold it without pissing in your face."
 
 ** 055
 There was a fellow who had never been to bed with a woman, 
 so two of his friends decided to play a trick on him. They 
 bought an inflatable love doll and put it into his bed. Then 
 called him at work and told him the girl of his dreams was 
 home in bed and ready for anything.
 The next day his friends asked him how things had gone. 
 "Very strange," he replied. "I slipped out of my clothes and 
 got in beside her. She was cold, so I tried to warm her up. 
 Then I bit her on the neck, but she just farted a few
 times and flew out the window!"
 
 ** 056
 A conductor, while taking tickets on the train, noticed a 
 lady with a small and extremely ugly baby on her lap. 
 "Lady," the conductor said, "that is by far the ugliest baby 
 I have ever seen."
 The woman, horrified by the conductor's comment, began 
 screaming at him, and demanded that her money be refunded 
 and the conductor be fired.
 The head conductor then came into the car and tried to 
 smooth things over.
 "Listen, lady," he said, "if you will forget all about this 
 matter, I'll see that you get the best treatment possible, 
 I'll give you your money back, and I'll even try to find you 
 a nice, ripe banana for that monkey of yours."
 
 ** 057
 Three elderly women, recently transplanted from the 
 Northeast to a Florida retirement community, were getting 
 acquainted at poolside. Inevitably, their conversation 
 turned to children.
 "My son is the most successful doctor on Park Avenue," 
 announced one.  Not to be outdone, the second remarked, "My 
 son is the most successful lawyer on Wall Street."
 The third remained conspicuously silent. Sensing easier 
 game, the first matron inquired, "And you, dear, do you have 
 a son?"
 "And is he a professional?" demanded the second.
 "Well, not exactly," answered the third. "Actually, he's a 
 plumber. And not only that, he's gay."
 Beaming, one of the poor woman's interrogators offered 
 consolation: "Ah, he's not doing so well."
 This time it was the third woman who smiled. "He's not doing 
 too badly," she explained. "He goes out with the most 
 successful doctor on Park Avenue and the most successful 
 lawyer on Wall Street."
 
 ** 058
 An Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in an 
 old Western town when he noticed a curious lack of women. 
 Walking into the local saloon he asked a cocky shitkicker, 
 "What do you fellas do around here for entertainment?"
 "Ya mean women?" asked the shitkicker. "We ain't got none. 
 'Round here folks fuck sheep."
 "That's disgusting," cried the correspondent, "I've never 
 heard of such moral degredation."
 However, after a few months, the correspondent's rocks were 
 beginning to ache and the sheep were looking more and more 
 attractive. So he finally went out and found himself a 
 comely sheep, brought her back to his room, shampooed her 
 and then tied ribbons in her hair. After a bottle of 
 champagne, he lured the sheep into his bedchamber and 
 released his pent-up frustrations.
 Afterward, he escorted his four-legged lover to the saloon 
 for a drink. As the correspondent and his wooly mate 
 entered, a hush fell over the patrons and the anxious couple 
 became the object of many stares.
 "You goddamn bunch of hypocrites!" the reporter yelled. 
 "You've been fucking sheep for years, but when I do it up 
 right you look at me like I'm some sort of crazy pervert!"
 One cowboy in the back of the crowd spoke up, "Yeah, but 
 that's the sheriff's gal!"
 
 ** 059
 Did you hear about the computer salesman with two red ears 
 who went to the doctors office? The doctor asked him what 
 had happened to his ears. "I was ironing a shirt and the 
 phone rang," answered the salesman. "But instead of picking 
 up the phone I picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
 "Damn," the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But then, what 
 happened to your other ear?" The salesman replied, "Whoever 
 it was called back."
 
 ** 060
 A grungy old lumberjack, in town for the first time in 
 weeks, went to the local brothel and demanded the roughest, 
 toughest and meanest girl in the house. "That'll be Mary," 
 said the madam. "Go to Room Four, and I'll send her up." 
 "Fine,"said the lumberjack,"and tell her to bring a couple 
 of beers."  In due time, Mary appeared. She put the two 
 bottles of beer on the floor, took off her negligee, 
 positioned herself on her hands and knees and pointed to her 
 pussy. "No! No!" exclaimed the lumberjack. "In the bed, the 
 old-fashioned way!"  "Sure,pal," grunted Mary, "but I 
 thought ya might want to open them beers first."
 
 --
]]></content:encoded>
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	</item>
		<item>
		<title> Humourbathroomtxt part3</title>
		<link>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbathroomtxt-part3/</link>
		<comments>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbathroomtxt-part3/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 24 Aug 2008 12:26:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Administrator</dc:creator>
		
		<guid>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbathroomtxt-part3/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[ motherfucker you have a headache!"
 
 ** 028
 Marge was getting pretty upset about her husband's lack of
 attention and decided to come on a little stronger to him.
 After dinner, she put on her sexy, backless nightgown
 backward and sauntered into the living room.
 "Notice anything?" she asked slyly.
 "Yes, you've got your nightgown on backward," her husband answered simply.
 "How could you tell?" she cooed.
  "Because the shit stains are in the front," he said.
 
 ** 029
 Q: What's dangerous & eats nuts?
 A: Syphilis.
 
 ** 030
 After his annual physical, the sexually active bachelor was 
 waiting in the doctor's office for the results.
 "Well," said the doctor, "I have good news and bad news for you."
 "The way I feel, please give me the good news first" replied 
 the bachelor.
 The good news," announced the doctor, "is that your penis 
 has grown an additional four inches since your last exam."
 "Great!" the man shouted. "What is the bad news?"
 "It's malignant," replied the doctor.
 
 ** 031
 Question: Why wasn't Christ born in Mexico?
 Answer: Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
 
 ** 032
 A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The 
 local drunk saw this and asked, "Say there, whatcha doin' 
 with that pig?"
 "That's not a pig, stupid!" she said coldly."That's a duck."
 "I know," replied the drunk. "I was talking to the duck."
 
 ** 033
 Did you know that computer sales persons are so full of shit 
 that if they had an enema they could be buried in a shoe box!
 
 ** 034
 Three guys - a Frenchman, a German and a Polack, were 
 sitting in a bar. In walked a mean looking black guy looking 
 for a fight. He sat down, ordered a beer, took a drink, went 
 over and slapped the Frenchman and said, "I like fucking white women."
 The Frenchman looked at him and thought,"Well,that's great."
 Then the big black guy went over to the German, hit him on 
 the shoulder and said, "I like fucking white women." The 
 German looked at him and said, "Good for you."
 The black guy sat down and took another drink of his beer. 
 He got up, walked over to the Polack and belted him on the 
 back, then said, "I like fucking white women." The Polack 
 sat and thought for a second and finally said, "I don't 
 blame you. I don't like fucking those black ones either."
 
 ** 035
 A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's 
 terms. When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic 
 hair. The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all 
 women have wool down there."
 The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or fuck?"
 
 ** 036
 An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with 
 the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she 
 whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy."
 The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and 
 said, "Sit with my wife. You two have alot in common."
 
 ** 037
 A foxy young lady was having trouble keeping boyfriends 
 after the first date, so she decided to go to a doctor to 
 find out what the problem was. The doctor asked her to take 
 off her clothes and lie on the examining table. He checked
 her pussy and, finding nothing wrong, asked her to roll over 
 and spread her ass. After checking her asshole and again 
 finding nothing wrong, he told her to sit up so he could 
 examine her mouth.
 Upon looking into her mouth he exclaimed, "You've got the 
 worst case of Zacklies I've ever seen!"
 "Zacklies?" she said, puzzled. "What's that?"
 "Your mouth smells zackly like your ass!"
 
 ** 038
 A drunk was trying to make time with a pretty girl at a 
 cocktail party, but she wasn't having any part of him... 
 especially the part he had in mind. After a while, to show 
 his contempt for her, he inquired loudly, "Tell me, dear, 
 what happens when whores get pregnant?"
 Amused, she answered, "Don't tell me you still think your 
 mother found you under a cabbage leaf!"
 
 ** 039
 Two men were walking in the park when they came upon this 
 dog that had bent itself into a weird position and was 
 licking its balls. One man said, "Gee! I wish I could do 
 that." The other man replied, "I think you better get to be 
 friends first." 
 
 ** 040
 After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party 
 was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, "What 
 the hell happened?" "As usual, you made an ass of yourself 
 in front of your boss," replied the wife.
 "Piss on him," answered the husband.
 "You did," said the wife, "and he fired you."
 "Well, fuck him," said the husband.
 "I did, and you go back to work in the morning."
 
 ** 041
 Upon answering the door to her whorehouse, the madam was 
 surprised to see an amputee.  "Look at yourself," the madam 
 said, "no arms, no legs, what could you possibly do?"
 The amputee replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
 
 ** 042
 Did you hear about the new daredevil, Ku Klux Knievel?
 He's going to try to jump over 50 blacks with a steamroller!
 
 ** 043
 This fellow was screwing his best friend's wife when he 
 suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his
 head in his hands.
 "What the hell has happened to you?" the lady asked.
 "I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best 
 friends pussy," the man moaned.
 The lady reached over and patted him on the back. "Well, if 
 that's all it is, you can stop worrying," she said. "You're 
 not getting his pussy. His pussy is five to six inches deeper."
 
 ** 044
 One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating 
 peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his 
 mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a 
 question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in 
 his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in 
 only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for 
 assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried
 and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go 
 out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After 
 being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he 
 could get the peanut out.
 The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved 
 two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. 
 When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and 
 daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The mother said to the
 young man, "That was wonderful. You should be a doctor!"  
 The ungrateful father jumped up, twisted the boy's arm 
 ...End of the part3. To be continued..]]></content:encoded>
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	</item>
		<item>
		<title> Humourbathroomtxt part2</title>
		<link>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbathroomtxt-part2/</link>
		<comments>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbathroomtxt-part2/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 23 Aug 2008 12:13:02 +0000</pubDate>
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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[ the family. He'll eat at the same table with us. He'll even
 sleep in the same bed with me and my wife."
 "But what about the smell?" the friend asked.
 "Oh, he'll just have to get used to it, the same way I did."
 
 ** 016
 Bill had just returned from a week of honeymooning, and his
 best friend asked him how it went. "The first night we did
 it nine times," Bill said."The second night, eight times.
 The third night, seven times. The fourth night, six times.
 The fifth night, five times. The sixth night, four times,
 and the last night, nothing!"
 "Nothing?" his pal asked. "How come?"
 "Hey, you ever tried putting a marshmallow in a parking meter?"
 
 ** 017
 A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat
 next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was
 plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin
 was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his
 newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the
 disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father,
 what causes arthritis?"
 "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap,
 wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your
 fellow man."
 "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his
 paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged
 the man and apologized.
 "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How
 long have you had arthritis?"
 "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
 
 ** 018
 Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom.
 "Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy
 said. "I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"
 "Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is
 compliment her. Chicks love to be complemented. You'll have
 her in the palm of your hand."
 About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black 
 eye. "Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked.
    "I took your advice."
    "Didn't you compliment her?"
    "sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told
 her that for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She
 liked that. After a while I started feeling her tits, and I
 told her that for such large breasts they sure were firm.
 She like that too."
   "It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said.
   "Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went
 wrong. I got her dress up and her panties off, and I tried
 to think of another compliment."
   "What did you say?"
   "For such a large crack, it doesn't stink much."
 
 ** 019
 While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist
 capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators
 kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old
 beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are
 there any gators around here?!"
 "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for
 years!"  "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming
 leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the
 guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
 "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
 "The sharks got 'em."
 
 ** 020
 A gambler was telling a friend about his first junket to Las
 Vegas and how hard it was to get any sleep. "I was awakened
 at one, two and four in the morning by a drunk chorus girl
 banging on the door and screaming," he recalled.
 "That's terrible," the friend said." How'd you ever get any
 sleep?"   "At five o'clock I finally unlocked the door and
 let her out," the gambler laughed.
 
 ** 021
 Two ferocious cannibal chiefs sat licking their fingers
 after a large meal. "Your wife makes a delicious roast,"one
 chief said. "Thanks," his friend said."I'm gonna miss her."
 
 ** 022
 From the outset, the blind date was a fiasco and it was
 intensified by the fact that the fellow was too insensitive
 and ego-ridden to realize it. The moment of truth came in
 the supper club as he clutched the girl's thigh and
 whispered, "Baby, how's about our cutting out to my pad so I
 can slip you nine inches?"
 There was a moment of silence, and then the girl said, "You
 know, I really don't think you could get it up three times
 in a row!"
 
 ** 023
 After a wild freeway chase, the motorcycle cop waved the
 speeding sports car over to the curb. When he walked up to
 the drivers window, he was surprised to find a very
 attractive redhead behind the wheel. "Ma'am," he said ."I'm
 afraid we're going to have to give you a Breathalyzer test
 to see whether or not you've been drinking."
 The test was taken and as the officer eyed the results, he
 said, "Lady, you've had a couple of stiff ones."
 "That's amazing!"the girl cried."You mean it shows that,too!"
 
 ** 024
 The blind daters had really hit it off and at the end of the
 evening, as they were beginning to undress each other in his
 apartment, the fellow said, "Before we go any further,
 Charmaine, tell me - do you have any special fetishes that I
 should take into account in bed?"
 "As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have
 a foot fetish -but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."
 
 ** 025
 Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, "I want you to
 help me obtain a divorce. My husband is getting a little
 queer to sleep with."
 "What do you mean?" asked the attorney. "Does he force you
 to indulge in unusual sex practices?"
 "No, he doesn't," replied the woman, "and neither does the little queer."
 
 ** 026
 The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's
 lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him
 severely. "I demand proper manners in bed," she declared,
 "just as I do at the dinner table."
  Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his
 rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is
 that better?" he asked, with a hint of a smile."
 "Yes," replied the girl, "much better."
  "Very good, darling," the husband whispered. "Now would you
  be so kind as to please pass the pussy."
 
 ** 027
 It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided
 to take in the zoo. They spent the day, and at closing time
 they walked past the gorilla cage, and the man noticed the
 gorilla looking at his wife.
 "That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits,"
 he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see
 what he does?" At first she declined. But finally persuaded by 
 her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went 
 nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down. "Hey," the 
 husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes
 and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her. 
 This time theape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars,
 did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all
 over the cage. The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and
 pushed his wife in. "Now," said the husband, "tell that
 ...End of the part2. To be continued..]]></content:encoded>
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	</item>
		<item>
		<title> Humourbathroomtxt</title>
		<link>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbathroomtxt/</link>
		<comments>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbathroomtxt/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:00:02 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description><![CDATA[]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[ Archive-author: 
 Archive-title: Sixty "Bathroom" Humour Pieces
 
 
   ** 001
  The young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first 
 visit home since starting college. "Mom, I have to tell you," the girl 
 confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend." "I'm not surprised," said her 
 mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic 
 and pleasurable experience."  "Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked.
 "The first eight guys felt great, but after them my pussy got real sore."
 
 ** 002
 "Adam," the heavenly voice called to the Garden of Eden,
      "what did you and Eve do today?"
      "We ate some fruit, Lord," Adam said reverently.
      "Did you eat of the forbidden tree?" asked God.
      "Yes, Lord, we did," Adam confessed.
      "And then what did you do?" God asked.
      "We made mad, passionate love all afternoon."
      "Where is Eve now?" the Lord bellowed.
      "She's down at the brook washing herself out."
      "Oh, no," the Lord moaned." Now all the fish are going
      to smell like that!"
 
 ** 003
 Q: How does a Mexican know when it's time to eat again?
 
 A: His asshole stops burning.
 
 ** 004
 Two guys wandered into a bar. One of the men shouted to the
 barkeeper,"Hiya, Mike. Set 'em up for me and my pal here."
 Then he turned to his slightly dim partner and boasted,
 "This is a great bar. For every two drinks you buy, the
 house gives you one. And the pinball machines in the back
 are free!"
 "That's not so great,"responded the friend. "There's a bar
 across town That'll match you drink for drink, and you can
 get laid in the back for free."
 "Where is this place?" the first guy exclaimed.
 "Oh, I don't know," the dim fellow replied, "but my wife
 goes there all the time."
 
 ** 005
 An Israeli was sitting between two Arabs on a long airplane
 flight. He had just removed his shoes and gotten comfortable
 when one of the Arabs nudged him and said,"Hey, Jew, go get
 us some orange juice." To avoid any trouble, the Israeli
 did so. When he left, both Arabs spit in his shoes.
 The Israeli came back with the juice, which the Arabs
 gulped down. The rest of the flight was uneventful. The
 plane landed, and the Israeli put on his shoes and felt the
 squishing inside. He turned to the Arabs and said,"If there
 is ever going to be peace in the Middle East, the Arabs will
 have to stop spitting in the shoes of Jews, and the Jews
 will have to stop pissing in the Arabs' orange juice."
 
 ** 006
 Three doctors were talking about the amazing things being
 done in medicine. The first said,"Six weeks ago a man came
 in after losing a hand in an accident just as a car crash
 victim was brought in dead on arrival. I took a hand from
 the dead man and sewed it on the worker's stump, and today
 he's out looking for a job."
 The second physician said,"That's not so amazing. Six months
 ago I gave a blind man a pair of dead man's eyes, and today
 he's out looking for a job."
 The third doctor said,"Neither of those cases tops this one.
 A year and a half ago we took an asshole out of California,
 put it in the White House, and today everybody is out
 looking for a job."
 
 ** 007
 A well dressed lawyer went into a bar for a martini and
 found himself beside a scrungy-looking drunk who kept
 mumbling and studying something in his hand. The
 attorney leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object
 up to the light,slurring "Well, it looks like plastic." Then
 he rolled it between his fingers,adding,"But it feels like
 rubber."   Curious, the lawyer asked, "What do you have
 there mister?"   The drunk stammered,"Damn if I know, but it
 looks like plastic and feels like rubber."
 The lawyer said,"Let me take a look." And the drunk handed
 it over. The attorney rolled it between his thumb and
 fingers, then examined it closely. "Yeah, it does look like
 plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't know what it is.
 Where did you get it anyway?"
 The drunk replied, "Outa my nose."
 
 ** 008
 Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a pig?
 A: Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't do.
 
 ** 009
 Q: How do you know when your girlfriend is too fat?
 A: When she sits on your face and you can't hear the stereo
 
 ** 010
 Q: What's the difference between black pussy and a bowling ball?
 A: You can eat a bowling ball!
 
 ** 011
 With the sun beginning to rise, the cabin of the jetliner
 was suddenly illuminated. "Who turned on the fucking
 lights?" a male passenger, who had been surly since
 boarding, snarled at a stewardess.
 The girl had had enough of this particular character."These
 are the breakfast lights, sir," she answered with forced
 sweetness. "The fucking lights are much dimmer, and you
 snored right through them."
 
 ** 012
 "Brace yourself, Mr. Cassidy," the physician told the
 patient on whom he had performed a battery of costly tests.
 "You have approximately six months to live."
 "But I don't have insurance, doctor," said Cassidy, "and I
 can't skimp and save enough to pay you in that time!"
 "All right, all right," soothed the medical man. "Let's say
 nine months, then."
 
 ** 013
 Three women - a German, a Jew and a Polack - all gave birth
 to seven-pound baby boys at the same time. The nurses got
 the babies mixed up somehow and couldn't tell which baby
 belonged to which mother. After an hour of mass confusion
 the father of the German baby decided he'd settle the
 problem. He walked into the nursery and lined up the three
 infants in a row. He clicked his heels, raised his arm and
 shouted, "Heil Hitler!" The German baby snapped to
 attention, the Jewish baby shit, and the Polack baby played
 in it.
 
 ** 014
 Even though a fellow was late for his flight, he dashed into
 the airport men's room, pissed,and quickly headed for the
 door. At one of the sinks a Marine sergeant was washing his
 hands. The Leatherneck called to the man, "Hey, buddy,
 in the Marine Corps they teach us to wash our hands after
 going to the bathroom."
 The fellow stepped back into the men's room and looked at
 the Marine. "Well, I was in the Navy, Sarge, and they taught
 us not to piss on our hands!"
 
 ** 015
 A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his
 arms when a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing
 with the chimp. "I just bought this ape as a pet. We have no
 children; so he's going to live with us just like one of
 ...End of the part1. To be continued..]]></content:encoded>
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	</item>
		<item>
		<title> Humourbarnsongtxt</title>
		<link>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbarnsongtxt/</link>
		<comments>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbarnsongtxt/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 21 Aug 2008 11:23:01 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description><![CDATA[]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[ Archive-author: 
 Archive-title: Alternate Barney Song Lyrics
 
  Each of these sets of lyrics are to be sung to the infamous Barney tune that
  we've all seen on the Barney TV commercials starting with the words:
 
   "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family..."
 
  While showing a little girl running up to hug a man sized purple felt dinosaur
  with a sappy voice over of the little girl saying: "I love you Barney."  (I get
  emotional each time I think of that scene....  <sniff> )
 
                                                    - John
 
                    -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -
 
 	Alternate Barney Song Lyrics
 
 "I love you, you love me, toddler beastiality
  If you touch me right, I'll give you a big bone.
  Just you wait till we're alone."
 	(Matthew Reinker)
 
 "How about incest, don't you see?  Fun for you and fun for me.
  Let's go find Baby Dot, turn her over and see what she's got.
  We'll take her out to the back lot."
 	(John W. "Jay" Elmore Jr.)
 
 "I love you, you love me, if I'm not on you'll cry incessently
  Tell your parents to buy only Barney
  'Cause tapes and dolls mean money for me."
 	(Dale J. Miller)     
 
 "I love you, you love me.  We're a happy fam-i-ly... 
  You don't need that other family anymore boys and girls.  
  We have each other now.  That's why we can touch each other like this..."
 	(Brad Bishop?)
 
 "I hate you, you hate me, we're the Manson family
  With a nick-nack-paddy-wack,stab you in the back
  Barney smokes and peddles crack."
 	(Chris Krolczylk)
 
 "I'll squick you, you squick me, let's squick our whole families!
  With a rip, slash, whip it out, stick it in the wound,
  Barney loves you, please stay tuned!"
 	(L.S.V.)
  
 "I love you...you love me, cause you are...so tasty"
  (sound of the purple one devouring one of the kids) 
  Kid1: "Barney, where did Cindy go?"
  Barney: "She went on a little trip...to learn about nutrition!"
 	(Kevin J. Barth) 
 
 --
]]></content:encoded>
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	</item>
		<item>
		<title> Humourbabbletxt</title>
		<link>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbabbletxt/</link>
		<comments>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/-humourbabbletxt/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:33:02 +0000</pubDate>
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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[ Archive-author: 
 Archive-title: Babble (output of computer program)
 
 
 A friend gave me this program which writes babble out of large text
 files.  I found the result to be more than mildly interesting...
 
 It was after midnight, my hardon. I heard someone stir 
 not more than my erection. "You'll see it with one 
 inch protrusions as my thoughts out of us." Mary lowered 
 my unbrotherly interest, her out a long time. When I 
 picked up on two get acquainted." Mary moved away. "Susan, 
 it's us." "Are you have to the den. To my 
 shorts and down my tented shorts. The wanton sight of 
 us sighed. "Don't be so loud." My sister looked good 
 enough to awaken my zipper and pulled her depths was 
 her shoulder toward our parent's bedroom. "You want you looked 
 over her depths was testy. She was tight, but they 
 fell to eat....and fuck! It's been wanting to fuck her. 
 I reached under the dim lighting I reached for Susan 
 first!" I reached under the end of her body. She 
 was bright enough to eat." I watched her opening in 
 front door. While we walked through her thumbs around the 
 dim lighting I watched her voluptuous breasts. They swayed firmly 
 from me. "I was only twelve." She bit her pants 
 and I've been a woman she looked delicious. "Remember the 
 sweet fragrance of the sexiest twelve year old sister, suddenly 
 walked up on you." "Come closer." Mary pushed away from 
 Susan's top and pulled it was absolutely beautiful. "Now, I'm 
 not waiting!" I repeated my erection. "What do with Susan 
 first!" I watched her hand and slowly lowered it was 
 pitch black she stepped out into her idea in a 
 long time. But, what was pitch black she stepped out 
 of massive proportions. "I was wondering if the sight of 
 us." "Are you naked?" I reached under the floor she 
 stepped out the street my erection. Both of her shoulder 
 toward our parent's bedroom. "You want you two get acquainted." 
 Mary reached for a hot bitch and down to give 
 up on you." "Come closer." Mary pushed away from the 
 end of peek-a-boo with excitement. Next I quickly had become. 
 Her eyes widened at this is happening." "I'll spread the 
 late to do it depends on my erection with pleasure 
 as I gasped. "I couldn't sleep so much as my 
 erection with anticipation. "First you were smaller than my utter 
 surprise her pants and down to look at." I was 
 after midnight, my nose. Entering the street my erection with 
 one Richard......Can I moaned with the dim lighting I stared 
 unbelievingly. Mary reached for my sister's breasts were up and 
 let them through her body. 
 -- 
]]></content:encoded>
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	</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Awakening of Janis</title>
		<link>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/the-awakening-of-janis/</link>
		<comments>http://www.hotmilfsblog.com/the-awakening-of-janis/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 19 Aug 2008 12:27:01 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description><![CDATA[]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[ 
 He'd talked to her an innumerable number of times on the telephone.  As a
 matter of fact, they had been casually flirting over AT&T for nearly 6 months.
 Neither had seen one another so as they walked into the meeting room where
 they were supposed to have their weeklong meeting, both were looking for the
 other.  He knew her right away because she was the only woman in the room.
 Before the meeting began, he made a point of walking up and introducing
 himself.  "Hi, I'm Peter Watkins," he said.  "I believe we've met, over the
 phone."  Her handshake was firm but there was no commitment there and her eyes
 only glimpsed his as they said their pleasantries.
 
 It was a working meeting and she was in one group while he was in another.
 Only occasionally did they have to address one another.  Toward the end of the
 meeting, he asked for some assistance from anyone in the room.  As she looked
 at him, their eyes met, seriously, for the first time.  He knew, she was his.
 Of course, in a meeting such as this, there was no time for exploring the
 relationship further.  But tomorrow was another day.
 
 Since she lived in the general area, she left with her car pool and he
 wandered back to the hotel following the meeting.  The next morning, he was in
 the meeting room getting ready for the meeting when she came in with an arm
 full of papers to be distributed.  He jumped up to help her and lifted the
 load from her arms.  As he did, his arm brushed against her body.  To anyone
 else, it would have looked innocent, but he knew there was electricity passed
 on that casual touch.  So did she; they both knew it.  During the day, he had
 several other opportunities to be close to her.  His touch was returned,
 albeit only slightly, each time.  He knew she was his.  She knew she was
 attracted to this man.
 
 
 That's all there was to this first meeting.  Although they did go to dinner at
 her home and met her husband, two children, dogs, cats and assorted other
 house guests.  He knew, however, there would be many more meetings and the
 foundation had been laid.  She knew too.
 
 The next time was a working meeting in Phoenix, far from both their homes.  As
 usual, the first day was casual, with the greetings and small talk that
 normally accompanied such meetings.  Oh sure, they got their work done but the
 real meeting was to take place later.
 
 They all went to dinner at a local restaurant.  He made sure he sat next to
 her and they visited cordially all evening.  His leg casually brushed up
 against hers several times and was met with little resistance.  His touches
 were returned and the electricity between them began to build to a crescendo.
 As they returned back to the motel, in his rented car, he made sure she was
 the last person to be driven to her area of the motel.  He pulled into a
 parking place and shut off the engine and lights.  His arm reached out and
 playfully touched hers.  She looked at him and they kissed.  It was a long,
 deep kiss; each other's tongue probing the other's mouth.  His hand sought out
 her breast and she pulled away from him abruptly.
 
 "What's the matter," he asked.  "Nothing," she said; "I have to go to my
 room."  He walked her to her room and then returned to his.  He was so sure
 that he had read her right, yet she had pulled away from him.  "What the hell
 is going on," he wondered.  Just then the phone rang.
 
 "Hello," he said.  "I'm sorry," she said.  "That's OK," he muttered.  "What
 was the problem?" he asked.  "I'm married - you are too," she said.  "I can't
 do this," she protested.  "Besides, I'm in the middle of my period," she
 stated matter of factly.  "That's OK," he said, reassuringly, "We don't have
 to do anything you don't want to do.  I just thought you wanted to ..."  I
 do... did," she stammered.  "This is so difficult - its my first time for any
 of this and I don't know what to do.  I want you so bad - but what about my
 husband, my children.  What would they think?"  "Hey, you're a big girl," he
 said, "You have to make up your mind what is right for you."
 
 "What does your wife think?", she asked.  "If I don't tell her, she doesn't
 think anything," he said.  They talked for two hours and finally hung up.  He
 knew she was his; but it may take a while.  She was extremely driven by sex
 but she had to work through this.  They would have many more times together
 and they could wait.
 
 "Do you want to make love to me," he asked.  "Oh yes," she stammered.  He
 could tell, just by her voice on the phone, she was blushing.  "Will you do it
 next time we meet?", he asked.  "Yyyyyessss," she whispered in the phone.  Do
 you want me to lick your clit?" he asked.  There was a pause on the phone, he
 heard a quick breath, "Don't say that," she said, "Someone might be
 listening."  "You're getting wet down there, aren't you?", he said.  "Oohh
 God," she whispered "Shut up."  The AT&T flirting was becoming more direct.
 
 
 By the time they got to Phoenix, she was so hot that just the sight of him
 made the juices start flowing in her pussy.  She spotted him in the lobby as
 he was registering for his room.  This was one of the largest conferences that
 their company had ever had, with over 500 employees attending.  Both of them
 knew a myriad of people and all were staying in this or the adjacent motel.
 She knew that she would have to be extremely careful because many of these
 people also knew her husband.  Yet she was intrigued with this man.  He was
 not the most handsome man in the world but what attracted her to him.  His
 hands and the way he talked to her over the phone.  His hands were big for the
 size of his body and they blended with the upper body of a man who had labored
 long and hard in the west as a cowboy, ranch hand, wildlife biologist and
 computer operator.  He had a quick sense of wit, humor and knew just how to
 push the right buttons to make her body quiver at the sound of his voice.
 She'd never been with a real cowboy before and the thought of that made
 goosebumps appear all over her body.  What the hell cowboys had to do with it
 was something that puzzled her.
 
 She returned to her room and watched as he took the glass walled elevator to
 the 6th floor.  She knew he didn't suspect she was watching him and that
 excited her.  She was actually getting wet watching this man ride up the
 elevator.  "What's the matter with me?," she thought to herself.  She waited a
 few more minutes after he left the elevator and began to wonder if she should
 call him.  After about 15 minutes she walked over to the phone.  Just as she
 grabbed the receiver, it rang.  It scared her so she dropped it on the floor
 and she became embarrassed.  "He  -  Hello," she said as she picked up the
 receiver from the floor.  "If I say you have a beautiful body, would you hold
 it against me," she heard him say.  A gush of fluid escaped from her pussy.
 Her body was trembling as she began apologizing for dropping the phone and
 stammering various things into the mouthpiece.  "What am I saying," she
 thought to herself.
 
 "Sssooo, should I come down and we go to dinner or what?", he asked.  It was
 only 5pm as she glanced at her watch, a little early for dinner.  "Uummm,
 don't you" she was interrupted by his saying he would be down and they could
 discuss it.  Before she could answer, he hung up.  She rushed to the bathroom
 to clean up.  She knew her panties would be soaked from all the fluid that had
 escaped her pussy as they talked.  "What in the hell is the matter with me?"
 she wondered to herself.  Just as she was finishing the last button on her
 levis, a soft knock was heard at the door.
 
 She opened it and her knees started to buckle.  He had on his western clothes,
 and she had not realized how wonderful she thought he looked.  He was not the
 "marlboro man", but she recognized a genuine cowboy when she saw how his
 clothes fit and the way he just stood there.  The big belt buckle seemed to
 gleam like a neon sign.  "Well, do I just stand here for the duration, or do I
 get invited in?", he joked.  She stepped back and he walked in past her as she
 closed the door.  Her pussy was soaked and her knees could barely keep her
 legs from buckling beneath her.
 
 He looked around her room and walked over to the shades and pulled them shut.
 "There's no sense of advertising the fact that we are together in this room,
 for whatever reason", he said.  "There are plenty of people in this outfit
 that would be glad to rumor monger us to death," he continued.  "Come over
 here," he commanded.  She flew to him and their lips met.
 
 She was helpless in his arms.  Those big hands virtually covered her back as
 he placed them around her and his strength practically crushed the breath out
 of her.  He was not a big man but obviously was strong and caring.  The kiss
 lasted for, it seemed, an hour.  He picked her up and carried her to the bed
 and laid her down before their lips separated.  She was already breathing hard
 and her body was in flames.  His lips began caressing the sides of her neck
 and reached to her ear lobes.  His hands had found her breasts and were gently
 squeezing them.  She wanted to say something but could not find the breath to
 do so.  She was totally his to do with as he saw fit.  She knew, somehow, that
 he would not be cruel to her nor ask her to do anything that she did not want
 to do.  She trusted this man implicitly.
 
 By now, her blouse was fully opened and his hands were exploring her stomach
 and had already caressed her legs.  She felt him following her zipper down to
 her crotch and the juices in her pussy were drenching her panties.  She
 wondered if they would soak through her levis.  As his hand applied just
 slight pressure to her pussy, she came for the first time.  Her body arched
 against his touch and her breathing became erratic.  Flames shot up the front
 of her body, piercing her breasts and bringing a blush to her face.  She was
 sweating profusely and was totally out of control.
 
 He began to take off his clothes as he caressed her body with his lips.  He
 moved away from her to remove his pants and she sat up on the bed.  "I hope
 you don't like big breasts," she said; "If you do, you're going to be really
 disappointed by me."  He finished removing his pants and returned to making
 love to her.  "Anything more than a mouthful is excess," he whispered to
 reassure her that he would not be disappointed.  He removed her bra and his
 lips met her nipples and began caressing them with gentleness, yet firmness
 she had never before experienced.  His had again found her crotch and she came
 again.  Not the full climax she would feel later but still, enough to take her
 breath away and cause her to feel the flames of desire shoot from her pussy to
 her breasts where her lover was working intently.  Her nipples caused huge
 contractions in her pussy each time her lover sucked on them.  Her hips
 gyrated with each sucking action, pushing her pussy into the hand that was
 gently massaging it through her levis.
 
 
 She felt the button to her jeans give way and the zipper practically unzipped
 itself.  A hand crept under her panties and she felt a finger caress the tip
 of her clit.  "Oh Christ, I'm cumming again," she thought to herself as
 another wave of contractions, flames, muscle spasms and breathlessness
 overtook her.  She was reveling in the hands of her lover.  She raised herself
 slightly as he moved lower and began to remove the levis and panties from her
 body.  When they came off, she raised herself and removed her blouse and bra
 that were just hanging on her body.  For the first time she saw his erect cock
 standing out from his body.  She reached for it and began massaging it.  She
 felt a finger at her clit and it began to rub up and down her slit.  She knew
 she was ready for entry as the hand slid easily up and down her vaginal entry.
 Suddenly, the finger slipped inside her as her lover sucked her left breast
 into his mouth.  She shuddered as she was almost overwhelmed into a fourth
 climax.
 
 Her lover worked his lips and tongue down her stomach as he slowly arranged
 himself between her legs.  She felt his tongue on her clit as he slowly licked
 it.  Suddenly, her clit was sucked into his mouth, his tongue flicked it back
 and forth mercilessly as his fingers worked inside her vagina.  Oh God, Oh
 God, Oh God," she thought as she came again.  The waves of excitement came
 from deeper within this time.  They sucked at her breath, her nipples became
 so tight they seemed to be caressed by just the air flowing over them.  She
 bucked at the tongue which continued to flick her clit.  Sweat was streaming
 down the sides of her head and beaded up on her stomach.  She had never been
 with a man that could make her feel this way before.
 
 The waves began to subside and her breath started to return to normal.  She
 felt him lift himself from her clit and raise above her.  As she opened her
 eyes, she felt his member enter her vagina.  His lips met hers and his tongue
 began to reach towards the depths of her throat.  She could taste her juices
 on his tongue as he rhythmically began fucking her.  With each stroke, she
 could feel his pubic hair and pelvis rub on her clit.  She knew she was in for
 one of the strongest climaxes she had ever experienced.  His tongue began
 tickling the sides of her neck and working toward her ear lobes.  One of his
 hands had grasped her left nipple and was slowly squeezing it, driving waves
 of excitement from her breast toward her stomach.  She could feel the fire
 beginning to build in her clit as he began to increase the strokes he used in
 fucking her.  Her toes started to close, her knees began slowly to straighten,
 her stomach was beginning to tighten.  She had never been here before.
 Suddenly, her breath left.  The fire from her clit met the waves leaving her
 breasts in the middle of her stomach.  Her toes completely curled up.  Her
 buttocks heaved in excitement and her legs wrapped around her lover as she
 pulled him harder and harder into her clit.  Slowly soft moans began escaping
 her lips.  They became louder until she was screaming.  She bucked with her
 lover and her whole body spasmed against the this climax.  She had never had a
 feeling such as this.  She thought she would pass out as she lost track of
 time, space and everything.  She felt as if she couldn't breath, yet she could
 hear screams of joy coming from her mouth.  As he exploded inside her, she
 felt herself lift another notch up the climax ladder.  "How far can this go,"
 she wondered as she screamed louder.  She could not quit bucking and swaying
 against the force that was bringing her to this feeling.  She wanted it to
 last forever, but it began to subside.
 
 She could hear the screaming and moaning beginning to subside but the rhythm
 of fucking was still making her pussy and clit cause her to drag her lover
 deeper and deeper into her vagina.  Harder and harder she pulled at him.
 Slowly, she regained some of her consciousness.  She could see the sweat on
 his chest and she began to feel her breaths coming in somewhat of a regular
 fashion.  Her lover began to slow his strokes and caress her forehead.  Slowly
 his lips found hers and his tongue eased itself into her mouth.  The spasms in
 her stomach muscles began to subside and the slow strokes in and out of her
 pussy began to feel like rhythmical interludes.  Her toes uncurled and her
 legs slowly dropped to the bed.
 
 "Looks to me like you enjoyed that," he said as he lowered himself to the side
 of her.  She tried to say something but her throat was so dry, not a sound
 came out.  She felt as if her throat was sore as she cleared it trying to get
 some moisture to her vocal cords.  Suddenly, he was up and returned with a
 glass of water for her.  She drank a little and, as he lay down beside her,
 put her head in his arms.  "That was wonderful," she breathed. "I have never,
 ever, cum like that before.  Where did you learn to do all those things?" she
 asked.  "Oh, you were just all excited because this was the first time," he
 said.
 
 "What's for supper?", he asked.  She looked at her watch. "My God," she
 thought, "Its 6:30."  "Its already 6:30!" she exclaimed, "the last time I
 looked at my watch, it was only 5:00."  "Time flies when you're havin' fun",
 he said.  "Maybe we should just order in?" he said with a question in his
 voice.  "Or we could just skip supper altogether," she volunteered.  "You mean
 you think you could handle some more of what we just did?" he asked.  "Well,
 maybe not right now - but we could discuss it", she giggled.
 
 They passed the night, making love three more times.  Each time, he managed to
 make her cum.  She could not imagine cumming that many times in one night.  It
 had never happened to her and she didn't know what to make of this man who
 just walked into her life and practically took her over.  She always knew that
 sex was very important to her, but this man had awakened things within her
 body that she didn't know existed.  Little did she know how much these
 feelings would have on her body as the weeks and years progressed.
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