Quantitative Analysis: Accepted at 36-28-36, though isotopes ranging from
25-10-20 to 60-55-60 have been identified
Occurance: Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive,
energetic singlet state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas
Physical Properties: Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely
nothing, and freezes at a moments notice. Totally
unpredictable. Melts when properly treated, very bitter
if not well used. Found in various states, ranging from
virgin metal to common ore. Non-magnetic but attracted
by coins & sports cars. In its natural shape the
specimen varys considerably, but it is often changed
artificially so well that the change is indiscernable
except to the experienced eye.
Chemical Properties: Has a great affinity for AU, AG, & C, especially in the
crystalline form. May give violent reaction if left
alone. Will absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly
desired reaction is initiated with various reagents such
as C(2)-H(5)-OH & sexy aftershave. An essential catalyst
is often required (must say that you love her at least 5
times daily). Reaction accelerates out of control when
in dark & all reaction conditions are suitable.
Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable
pure form. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
The reaction is highly exothermic.
Storage: Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 & 25 years.
Uses: Highly ornamental. Uses as a tonic for low spirits. Used on lonely
nights as a heating agent (if properly prepared).
Tests: Pure specimens turn rosey tint if discovered in raw, natural state.
Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.
Caution: Most powerful reducing agent known to man (income & ego). Highly
explosive in inexperienced hands. Specimen must be used with great
care if experiments are to succeed. It is illegal to possess more
than one permanent specimen, though a certain amount of exchange is
permitted.
——————
Banana Loaf
———–
2 laughing eyes
2 bowing arms
2 well-shaped legs
2 firm milk containers
1 fur-lined mixing bowl
1 banana
Look into laughing eyes, spread well-shaped legs and slowly squeeze and
massage milk containers gently until mixing bowl is well greased. Check
frequently with middle finger. Add banana and gently work in and out until
creamed. Cover with nuts and garnish with a sigh of relief. Bread is
done when banana is soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and do not lick
the bowl.
WARNING: If bread rises, LEAVE TOWN !!!!!!!!
——————–
What do you call a woman who has lost her mind?
A widow.
Why do women have tits?
So men will talk to them.
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.
Why is a woman better than a sheep?
Sheep can’t cook.
Why does a woman have one more brain cell than a cow?
so she doesn’t shit on the floor when she does the dishes.
What is the definition of “Male Chauvinist Pig?”
A man who hates every bone in a woman’s body–except his own.
——————–
Joe: I got a problem.
Ed: What’s the matter?
Joe: Women. I just don’t understand them.
Ed: Do you understand your TV?
Joe: No.
Ed: So what’s the problem?!
——————–
And a little story:
Guy and girl in back of van going at it… Girl says “put a finger in me”
So he does. Then she says “put another finger in me” and he does.
“Put ANOTHER finger in me” and again he does. “Put your whole HAND in me”
and he does… “Put your other hand in me” and again he obeys.
“Now clap” At this point he replies “I can’t!”
“Tight huh?”
——————–
How many radical feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three: One to change it,
One to support her by holding the ladder,
One to write an indignant essay condemning the use of the
word “screw”.
——————–
A woman pulls over at the gas station, gets out of her car, opens the hood,
and checks the engine oil. After a few seconds of intelligent thinking,
she takes a dipstick in her hand and, raising her chest high, walks up to
the attendant:
“Excuse me sir, but can I buy a longer dipstick?”
“May I ask why you need a longer one ma’am?”
“Because this one isn’t long enough to reach the oil!!”
——————–
Why do women have wrinkles at the corners of their eyes?
Because they learned early in life to squint their
eyes when they say “SUCK WHAT????”
How are women like clams?
You don’t eat them when the red tide comes in.
Definition of entrapment
A snatch with a catch.
—————————————–
I read the other day that the SAT tests are allegedly biased toward white
males and against females and minorities. This is horse crap of the highest
order! As irrefutable evidence, I cite the fact that 2.7 million women
scored higher on the SAT’s than I did the year I took them.
However, in fairness to the ladies, I do remember a question in the math
section that was slightly biased. It was something like this:
Two men and a 135 pound woman are in a pool hall. Man A buys the woman two
pitchers of beer, and man B buys the woman three pitchers of beer. Which man
gets laid?
A. Man A
B. Man B
C. Neither. A 135 pound woman will be dead after 5 pitchers of beer.
D. Both.
Correct answer: B
—————————————–
THINGS YOU CAN SAY TO YOUR WENCH
…End of the part3. To be continued..